who to invite?

ellebear22

Fiance and I were invited to his cousins wedding first cousin. Its this may... His gma and mother already replied to their invite also our invite to his cousins' wedding for us saying we were going to the wedding...
Here is our dilemma: we were not planning on inviting cousins, we are not inviting any of mine nor his. Would it be rude to attend his cousins' wedding but not invite them to ours which is next march?
Bc we both have large immediate families, We really only wanted it to be immediate fam gparents, parents, siblings their s/o and our neices/nephews... our other guests are close friends about 1012 altogether. .. Our total number of guests are 75 ppl.

vk2204

You do not have to invite them to your wedding.

Kate61487

You shouldn't feel guilty about attending and do not have to invite them. 

On a related note I'd have FI have a conversation with his mother about the fact that he's an adult and should respond to his own invitations.  If a cousin calls looking for addresses she should give your/his address and not do that annoying "oh just send it here I'll give it to him" thing that parents of adult children tend to do.  *Making a presumption obviously; but it sounds like the invite went to her house and I'd figure if he lived there he'd have seen it before she responded for you guys*

OwningAHome1981

I'm confused on what makes a niece and nephew "closer" than a cousin, bloodwise. I mean it's pretty much the same bloodline. I would say if you have a good relationship, at least invite your first cousins. I couldnt imagine not having my cousins at my wedding.

Kate61487

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-to-invite-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:87be4bc6-ecb0-4a76-a042-c8a284d03fdbPost:2d63e9c6-00d8-4d28-9e47-d870708af982">Re:who to invite?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm confused on what makes a niece and nephew "closer" than a cousin, bloodwise. I mean it's pretty much the same bloodline. I would say if you have a good relationship, at least invite your first cousins. I couldnt imagine not having my cousins at my wedding.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

seriously?  You don't understand how a sibling's kid; who you've known from birth and see at every major holiday and probably birthdays and possibly way more often might be considered closer than a first cousin who you may barely know?

Every family is different; you can't judge other people's family dynamic.  I'm very close to the first cousins on my mom's side, but that's sort of my 'core' family.  Every holiday, every birthday, etc.  The first cousins on my dad's side I used to see once a year as a kid and since we were teenagers have seen them even less; I barely know them. H's second cousins kids, however, who call us "aunt and uncle" we are very close to.  Every family is different. 

ET - sorry, just have to add:  By <u>definition</u> your immediate family is parents and siblings. If you're having a small wedding how does it not make sense to have them and their kids over aunts/uncles/cousins?  I just am legit confused by this line of thinking.

AJuliaNJ

You don't have to invite them. However, I'd feel really awkward if I was invited to someone's wedding in the last year and didn't invite them back. Yes, I understand it is not required and it is not a tit-for-tat thing, but I'd be worried about hurt feelings. Is this a situation where if you invited her, you'd have to invite 10 more people?

Anastasia517

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-to-invite-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:87be4bc6-ecb0-4a76-a042-c8a284d03fdbPost:2d63e9c6-00d8-4d28-9e47-d870708af982">Re:who to invite?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm confused on what makes a niece and nephew "closer" than a cousin, bloodwise. I mean it's pretty much the same bloodline. I would say if you have a good relationship, at least invite your first cousins. I couldnt imagine not having my cousins at my wedding.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

<div>From a biological standpoint, that doesn't even make sense.  You share about as much DNA with your uncles as your nephews and only half as much with your cousins.  You also have to take into account that your nieces are probably a lot younger than your cousins and attend all family functions, whereas a cousin may be married, living on the other end of the country, and splitting holidays.</div>

ellebear22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-to-invite-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:87be4bc6-ecb0-4a76-a042-c8a284d03fdbPost:39c4651e-759a-4ade-9db1-74792e6d02da">Re: who to invite?</a>:
[QUOTE]You don't have to invite them. However, I'd feel really awkward if I was invited to someone's wedding in the last year and didn't invite them back. Yes, I understand it is not required and it is not a tit-for-tat thing, but I'd be worried about hurt feelings. Is this a situation where if you invited her, you'd have to invite 10 more people?
Posted by AndreaJulia[/QUOTE]
Yes I would have to invite approximetly 10-12 more people to be exact on his side alone- we cant really afford to have 10-12 more people there & then if we were to invite my cousins that would add another 20+ people<- those cousins are strictly maternal first cousins. Not my paternal cousins..

ellebear22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-to-invite-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:87be4bc6-ecb0-4a76-a042-c8a284d03fdbPost:da44aa73-7d36-4057-8ce1-10715826c645">Re: who to invite?</a>:
[QUOTE]You shouldn't feel guilty about attending and do not have to invite them.  On a related note I'd have FI have a conversation with his mother about the fact that he's an adult and should respond to his own invitations.  If a cousin calls looking for addresses she should give your/his address and not do that annoying "oh just send it here I'll give it to him" thing that parents of adult children tend to do.  *Making a presumption obviously; but it sounds like the invite went to her house and I'd figure if he lived there he'd have seen it before she responded for you guys*
Posted by Kate61487[/QUOTE]
We did talk to his G-MA and mother (they live togethere) and they apologized to us. They originally each got an invite, but was told it was also for Fiancee and I. (and now like 2 days ago we just got an invite to our place)...

ellebear22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-to-invite-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:87be4bc6-ecb0-4a76-a042-c8a284d03fdbPost:2d63e9c6-00d8-4d28-9e47-d870708af982">Re:who to invite?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm confused on what makes a niece and nephew "closer" than a cousin, bloodwise. I mean it's pretty much the same bloodline. I would say if you have a good relationship, at least invite your first cousins. I couldnt imagine not having my cousins at my wedding.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]
Although he is not that close to his neices and nephews (they live in the carolina's)- his siblings will be there, I am very very close to both my siblings(3 sis 3 bro) and their children- I have also raised several of them and have lived for long periods of time with some of the other neices and nephews. If we invited the first cousins- on my side there would be 20+ people (all from out of state) and on his side  it would be 10-12 extra people- we left out the first cousins for practical reasons as well as financial reasons.

ellebear22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-to-invite-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:87be4bc6-ecb0-4a76-a042-c8a284d03fdbPost:2e0abceb-d783-4fe8-b573-cadc25f7c1c1">Re:who to invite?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:who to invite? : seriously?  You don't understand how a sibling's kid; who you've known from birth and see at every major holiday and probably birthdays and possibly way more often might be considered closer than a first cousin who you may barely know? Every family is different; you can't judge other people's family dynamic.  I'm very close to the first cousins on my mom's side, but that's sort of my 'core' family.  Every holiday, every birthday, etc.  The first cousins on my dad's side I used to see once a year as a kid and since we were teenagers have seen them even less; I barely know them. H's second cousins kids, however, who call us "aunt and uncle" we are very close to.  Every family is different.  ET - sorry, just have to add:  By definition your immediate family is parents and siblings. If you're having a small wedding how does it not make sense to have them and their kids over aunts/uncles/cousins?  I just am legit confused by this line of thinking.
Posted by Kate61487[/QUOTE]
Thank you for replying : My neices and nephews are very much like my own children... My fiancee and I are both very close to them all (They range from 17 all the way down to just turning 2- all call us aunt and uncle- some even mom')... where as we are not close with any of our first cousins. All of my cousins live out of state and he has never been that close to his (although he does see them at some family functions 3x a year at most). You are right every family is different. Thank you again :)

ellebear22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-to-invite-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:87be4bc6-ecb0-4a76-a042-c8a284d03fdbPost:94ecf7f4-7dc3-44e1-9eaa-c3a2396f720a">Re:who to invite?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:who to invite? : From a biological standpoint, that doesn't even make sense.  You share about as much DNA with your uncles as your nephews and only half as much with your cousins.  You also have to take into account that your nieces are probably a lot younger than your cousins and attend all family functions, whereas a cousin may be married, living on the other end of the country, and splitting holidays.
Posted by Anastasia517[/QUOTE]
Thank you for replying <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" /> 

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-to-invite-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:87be4bc6-ecb0-4a76-a042-c8a284d03fdbPost:c77053aa-e72e-4a24-b1a0-8a919c865f2a">Re:who to invite?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:who to invite? : Although he is not that close to his neices and nephews (they live in the carolina's)- his siblings will be there, I am very very close to both my siblings(3 sis 3 bro) and their children- I have also raised several of them and have lived for long periods of time with some of the other neices and nephews. If we invited the first cousins- on my side there would be 20+ people (all from out of state) and on his side  it would be 10-12 extra people- we left out the first cousins for practical reasons as well as financial reasons.
Posted by ellebear22[/QUOTE]

My feeling is people are more important than money. Will the cousins be hurt if they aren't invited? I feel it isn't worth creating drama over it if that is what it will create. If they won't care, then by all means, if you want to leave them out, leave them out.