Children invited.... Sort of.

rleeds001

I'm hoping this is easy enough to follow, our guest list is at 160 right now, my issue is with children. We are definitely allowing children to come not my favorite compromise because FI and I both have close young cousins, nieces etc so I would feel quite rude saying you cannot bring your child, but there will still be five here.


I have already addressed invitations to "Mr and Mrs John Doe" but I am quite concerned still that people will still be bringing their whole family. As of now, if every person brought their children there would be 50 children between 1 and 9. That's just too many. How do I handle it if I'm finding too many people RSVPing for 3 or 4 children each?

My hesitation is to explain to them that they cannot bring Sally and Bob and then find them being upset about the children that will be there because they are close family.


Advice?!

Mrs.B6302007

If they RSVP for more than the invitation was for, call them and explain that there was a misunderstanding but the invitation was for Jim and Sally.  If they try to throw the guilt trip about how they can't/won't come without the kids, tell them they'll  (Jim and Sally) be missed.

Simply Fated

So, you only invited 5 out of about 50 possible kids?
Did I get that right?

If anyone RSVPs for their kid, just give them a call letting them know that there was a misunderstanding and that the invitation was only meant for the people on the envelope.

If anyone just shows up with kids they didn't RSVP for, just let the venue know so they can prepare extra kids meals or what ever.

ootmother2

How did you word the envelopes?  Mr. and Mrs. or to the Smith Family?

How did you word the reply cards?

ETA:  Family children are an exception so I'm sure that a random guest would expect to bring their children

rleeds001

The invites were just to Mr. and Mrs. With reply cards M_______, with the usual accept or decline. The 5 children that are absolutely invited are his niece and nephew, and my 3 young cousins. I accounted for an additional 15 children in the budget, just in case, but I guess my issue is I feel quite rude about the whole situation, as I've already had to step on a few toes already with the guest list and limitations.

ootmother2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_children-invited-sort-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:87ec4e6f-2ea9-4fcf-a300-b7959ac3c2e0Post:96340e55-c9e4-4a2e-bee1-07f363e2d895">Re:Children invited.... Sort of.</a>:
[QUOTE]The invites were just to Mr. and Mrs. With reply cards M_______, with the usual accept or decline. The 5 children that are absolutely invited are his niece and nephew, and my 3 young cousins. I accounted for an additional 15 children in the budget, just in case, but I guess my issue is I feel quite rude about the whole situation, as I've already had to step on a few toes already with the guest list and limitations.
Posted by rleeds001[/QUOTE]

You're not the one being rude, guest who respond with children not invited are the rude ones

crash2729

In Response to Re:Children invited.... Sort of.:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Children invited.... Sort of.:The invites were just to Mr. and Mrs. With reply cards M_______, with the usual accept or decline. The 5 children that are absolutely invited are his niece and nephew, and my 3 young cousins. I accounted for an additional 15 children in the budget, just in case, but I guess my issue is I feel quite rude about the whole situation, as I've already had to step on a few toes already with the guest list and limitations.Posted by rleeds001You're not the one being rude, guest who respond with children not invited are the rude ones Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]
This.
You can invite family children without being rude.

lyndausvi

You are not being rude. 

   I also only had my nieces and nephews.  I would have also invited any underage first cousins, I just didn't have any to invite.  It's perfectly fine.  They were invited because they were my niece/nephew NOT because they are my siblings kid.   Meaning their relationship to me was the reason they were invited.  They were not invite only because they are the offspring of another guest.  If that makes sense.

PJSPJS

It is rude to bring uninvited guests of any age to a wedding.

Kate61487

What you're planning is absolutely fine. 

What you DON'T want to do is let the first few RSVPs with kids slide and THEN start making calls.  Then the people you did call will show up and it won't just be immediate family kids; it will be immediate family plus the first few rude people.  Stick to your rule from day 1.  If anyone RSVPs with a kid that wasn't invited call them immediately and say what Mrs. B wrote.  You can even add in "unfortunately we just can't accommodate all of the children in our lives, we're only able to have those in our immediate families"  so they know there will be some kids.

jjswin

Putting adult only on your invite is not rude, it solves the "are my kids invited" question. I had it on my invites and have not had any complaints, a lot of adults are looking forward to a night away from their kids.  It's you wedding and if you don't want kids there you don't have to have them.

carolemb

Sorry if I sounded snarky.
Most people in our wedding party and family were actually happy to see the "adults only" on my RD invites. Just had two people who made a big deal of it and were offended. It just added a lot of stress to an already stressful time since I was doing all the planning. Neither of them came to the the event.
Most of the kids at my actual wedding were a joy to be around. One of them misbehaved in the extreme and I guess that's why I sound angry. The parents didn't seem to think anything of it and let the child run wild.
The stationary store actually suggested adding "adults only" to the invitation. It is a very reputable store so I don't think they'd reccomend it if it were rude.