Should I invite a grown step-sister?

MeeJay22

 This is my dillema: My mother re-married when I was 19. I was not invited to the wedding and they were never engaged, I just received a phone call that she got married. I am not a fan of the new husband or his grown (but still clingy) daughter Brandee. However, I have long ago decided these people are important to my mother so I have an obligation to be friendly and civil and since we are not close I only have to see them about twice a year during the holidays this has worked fine.
I had intended on inviting my mother, her husband and her step-daughter to the wedding but my mother just informed me she does not want Brandee invited, Brandee doesn't not like me and would try and ruin the wedding by embarrasing me. Now, I'm of the opinion that if she makes a fool of herself that reflects on her- not me. But now I'm not sure what I should do- I don't want to insist that Brandee come since I don't much like her either but I didn't want to exclude her either since to me providing dinner for her for one night is worth not having to worry about things being uncomfortable in the future. Anyone have a similar situation?

Gatorsgirl731

1. Who is paying for the weddng?  If your mom is contributing she does have some say in the guest list.

2. How old is step sis?  If she is grown she would get her own invite.

In my opinion if it makes no difference to YOU and you just want to avoid awkward holidays then invite her.  However, I would talk with your mom, point out how it could be uncomfortable in the future if she is not invited, not just for you but your mom too.  If she does not want her invited you should not get all the blame from the step sister if she gets butt hurt over the dis.

GTurtles

I wouldnt invite her!!! never invite someone who only wants to ruin your day. she sounds trashy

arendiva

I would ask your mom why she thinks Brandee will sabotage the wedding. Did Brandee say something? That is a pretty big allegation to throw out and I'd be curious what the root of it is. Talk to your mom and get a sense of why she feels the way she feels before you invite SS.

Avion22

An invitation is not a summons.   If you invite her, and she really doesn't like you, then she will decline your invitation.  Or, like you said, if she does come and tries to stir things up at the wedding, it will only make HER look bad.   I think I would invite her anyway.  However, if your mother will be uncomfortable with her being there, then I would consider her feelings as well.

Peledreamsofrain

Definitely get more information before making a decision.  Absolutely talk with your mother more to get more info.

Heck,afterwards maybe even call and talk to Brandee herself (but be VERY delicate and tactful).  Tell her that you are making your guest list, and that family have first priority.  You'd love to have her come if she'd like to, etc.

If she's hostile during the call, and snots at you, then you don't have to bother with the invite, and you know where your mother is coming from.  If she's perfectly pleasant and overjoyed and gracious, and your mother hasn't volunteered better info, then I smell a personal war that your mother is trying to drag you into.  If that's the case, stay out of it, issue the invite, and let them settle their own differences without using your wedding invites as their weapon of choice.

Lisa50

I have not been in a similar situation. 

However, you cannot insist that someone attend your wedding, you can only invite them.  The decision to attend is theirs.  If you want your step-sister to attend, send her a separate invitation, then call her to make sure she's received it.  If you cannot stomach the idea of picking up the phone to call her, then skip inviting her to the wedding.

Kate61487

I wouldn't invite her.  Perhaps I'm reading this differently than others, but to me it sounds like you'd only invite her in the first place to please your mom since you say you don't like the woman.  If your mom doesn't want her invited and you don't like her why on earth would you give her an invitation?

Sharpschruter22

In Response to Re:Should I invite a grown stepsister?:[QUOTE]I wouldn't invite her.nbsp; Perhaps I'm reading this differently than others, but to me it sounds like you'd only invite her in the first place to please your mom since you say you don't like the woman.nbsp; If your mom doesn't want her invited and you don't like her why on earth would you give her an invitation? Posted by Kate61487[/QUOTE]


This. It sounds like family holiday time is already uncomfortable if you don't like each other. There's no way I would consider inviting her if I didn't like her already and my mom was asking me to not invite her.

[Deleted User]

I wouldn't because instead of enjoying the special day your mom will be worried about what Brandee is going to do and you might be distracted too waiting to see what Brandee is going to do and when. Even if she doesn't do anything, she wins the fight because she still took your attention away from your special day.

ootmother2

Unless you post a huge amount of family history, I say no.

I had 7 stepbrothers and one stepsister (from 2 different marriages) and never invited any of them.  The step sister was quite a abit older than I and I'm not 100% sure that I ever met her,  I did meet her daughter once.

soontobehasrouni

i wouldnt invite her, and wouldnt feel bad about not inviting her.


i dont like my step sister, but was going to invite her to the wedding to be nice....but then she trashed my dad to my step mom and said he isnt invited to her babys baptism because he told her to get rid of her dog if he bit her baby (what else would you do? i would HOPE your baby trumos your 900 year old dog) this only gave me the go ahead to be just as petty and not invite her to the wedding anyway. oh, did i tell you she told me she couldnt come to my engagement party in a THANK YOU NOTE for buying her a gift at her baby shower that i didnt want to go to but did because i wanted to be a nice.

MeeJay22

After reading the feedback the decision seems much clearer. My fiance and I are planning/paying for the wedding and all that matters to me is that my Mom is there. If my mother is not comfortable with her being there I'd rather not have her distracted.