Dating 6 years and not invited?

pinkpinot

My best friend e-mailed this to the InStyle Weddings Etiquette Q&A.  I told her I'd post it here.  What do you guys think?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 years and living together for 2. My boyfriend's friend from high school is having a destination wedding in June. Last night we received a save the date and my name was not on the envelope. I know the groom fairly well and we spent a good amount of time together up until about 3 years ago when he moved further away. The groom and my boyfriend stay in touch but they are not as close as they used to be. Neither of us have met the bride to be. A few mutual friends that are engaged/married were invited with their significant others and their relationship with the bride and groom is no different than ours. Am I wrong for being hurt and offended that I was not invited? I feel as though I am being singled out because I don't have a piece of paper that says that I am married. My boyfriend and I have our own reasons for not being married yet and I don't think that we should be treated any differently than a married or engaged couple. The only difference is for us it isn't legal. We are not really sure how to handle this with the groom. Does my boyfriend just not mention it and politely decline the invite or should he confront his friend? My boyfriend seems to think that I will be on the formal invite but then why wouldn't I be on the save the date?

goheels05

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dating-6-years-not-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:887aef4e-b018-413a-8e0d-b071d969b87aPost:9b55d2f7-81db-4005-a89e-740486cd6372">Re: Dating 6 years and not invited?</a>:
[QUOTE]kiki - it says buy me a shot i'm tying the knot. I don't drink but the BM's surprised me with it, and I wasn't going to not wear it. Should clarify, I don't drink MUCH, no hard liquor at all. They said it was the only "bride" shirt there though.
Posted by ButtonsPepper[/QUOTE]

Whew, it was the BMs' idea.  I was going to be worried if you made them wear those t-shirts.

kikibaby

That was my first thought, heels.  If they picked them out themselves, well then...

ButtonsPepper

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA GOD NO.



This is what I wore, and they all had their coats zipped up until the last BM got there, then they gave me my gift, which had said shirt, a "fun" little toy, and some really really sweet cards.

I wore a black halter bra, so quite a few men got some awesome shots of said bra in see through white T shirt.

sarabellam

Okay ButtonsPepper, after your further explanation, I hereby rescind my semi-snarky comment.

thesuninherhead

Personally, I'd wait until the invites are sent. If the boyfriend was close to the groom, I probably wouldn't see much harm in just clarifying that the invite was only for him and not him and guest, though.

ButtonsPepper

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dating-6-years-not-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:887aef4e-b018-413a-8e0d-b071d969b87aPost:640829da-5cf7-4239-a7c0-35f0ab802461">Re: Dating 6 years and not invited?</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay ButtonsPepper, after your further explanation, I hereby rescind my semi-snarky comment.
Posted by sarabellam[/QUOTE]
Haha not a problem. I'm not a regular on here, I could have been crazycakes and forced them all to wear them because they HAVE TO...:-).

cjohnsen2010

I wouldn't get upset with the STD.  If the invite arrives and she's not invited, I'd give the groom a call to ask if she's invited also. 

The bride got the list from her FI, so I think that says a lot right there.  It's like pulling teeth to get the lists from some of these guys and quite frankly, it could be as simple as he couldn't remember her last name or didn't know how to spell it.