Extra person on RSVP...what exactly to say

MJandDL

We just got a rsvp back from a couple and they wrote "3" but only the two of their names. We do have some extra room due to declines but I'm not a fan of people  thinking they can just invite extra people, especially when we had to cut people that we really wanted there! 

This is a couple from FI's list, I barely know them and we never see them. I asked him if they were taking care of a grandchild or elderly parent that they have to bring along or something and he has no idea. I told him he needs to contact them since he's the one that knows them (I only went to church with them briefly) but he's too chicken. Neither of us have their phone # and even if we did I wouldn't feel comfortable calling because they probably don't even know who I am!

I found the lady on facebook and was going to send her a message because at the very least I need to know what the third person's name is for a place card. I would really like to politely let them know that it was intended just for them, though, but don't want to come off as rude. People around here are used to going to weddings where rsvps don't matter as much (cake&punch, no assigned seating, etc) so they probably didn't think it was a big deal. We weren't even able to give single guests +1s though so I really don't think it's fair for couples to be adding on guests. But at the same time I don't want to be a jerk since we do have the room. But also at the same time I don't want to be paying for an uninvited stranger's meal! 

How can I politely word my email to ask who the person is while also letting them know that the invitation was intended for the two of them? I started with a "we got your rsvp...so glad you can make it...we were wondering if you meant to write in '3' ...etc" Where do I go from there? Suggestions please:)

AMYM312

You have their address to send the invites but don't know them well enough to have their phone number? You say you cut people that you really wanted there but you barely know these people? Kinda strange..

Either way, he needs to call them the invite was to just them.

Carson386

I would have FI call (since it's his list) and just have him say "hi Mr. Smith, I'm really sorry for the confusion but the invitation was for you and Ms. Smith, I hope you can still make it." Or if you really just don't care and are going to let them bring their add on, I would just call and say "Hi, I noticed your name and Mrs. Smith's name, but I was hoping you could give me the name of the other person so we can have a place card for them too."

daveANDkristen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_extra-person-on-rsvpwhat-exactly-to-say?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:88fe860b-abf2-41b3-a2ab-badad7799662Post:3b9a1af5-dc88-4866-9d1f-66be8aaa662a">Extra person on RSVP...what exactly to say</a>:
[QUOTE]We just got a rsvp back from a couple and they wrote "3" but only the two of their names. We do have some extra room due to declines but I'm not a fan of people  thinking they can just invite extra people, especially when we had to cut people that we really wanted there!  This is a couple from FI's list, I barely know them and we never see them. I asked him if they were taking care of a grandchild or elderly parent that they have to bring along or something and he has no idea. I told him he needs to contact them since he's the one that knows them (I only went to church with them briefly) but he's too chicken. Neither of us have their phone # and even if we did I wouldn't feel comfortable calling because they probably don't even know who I am! I found the lady on facebook and was going to send her a message because at the very least I need to know what the third person's name is for a place card. I would really like to politely let them know that it was intended just for them, though, but don't want to come off as rude. People around here are used to going to weddings where rsvps don't matter as much (cake&punch, no assigned seating, etc) so they probably didn't think it was a big deal. We weren't even able to give single guests +1s though so I really don't think it's fair for couples to be adding on guests. But at the same time I don't want to be a jerk since we do have the room. But also at the same time I don't want to be paying for an uninvited stranger's meal!  <strong>How can I politely word my email to ask who the person is while also letting them know that the invitation was intended for the two of them? I started with a "we got your rsvp...so glad you can make it...we were wondering if you meant to write in '3' ...etc" Where do I go from there?</strong> Suggestions please:)
Posted by MJandDL[/QUOTE]

To the bolded, it was rude of the couple to assume they could add another guest, and there is nothing wrong with you contacting them.  I feel like it would be a little passive agressive to ask if they "meant to write in 3" - I'm sure they did.  I think you should decide whether you are accomodating this guest before you contact the couple.  Either say "Hi, could you give me the name of your guest, so I can fill out a place card for him/her?" or "I'm sorry for the confusion, but we are unable to accomodate extra guests and the invitation was only meant for you and your husband.  We can't wait to celebrate with you!

OliveOilsMom

You need to call these people, actually FI needs to call these people.  They are on his list.  My H had to do this when his friends added their daughter.  Did he hate having to make the call, yes, but he still did it! 

If you need their phone number, ask FI's mom or other close relative who would have it.

FI: Hey, Uncle Joe, I got your RSVP back in the mail and noticed you put 3 guests attending, I'm sorry but the invitation was only for you and Aunt Jane.  Sorry about the confusion.

If they push about the third person, just say they cannot be accomodated and if they can't attend otherwise, they will be missed.  You & FI can discuss ahead of time if its an elderly parent that is being cared for, whether that would be an exception, then just ask for their name.

itzMS

Some people are a little kooky sometimes. Maybe they had a brain fart.

I had an Aunt that wrote her name and then "8". She wasn't able to explain why she wrote "8". Seriously.

We just said "Hi Aunt Susie, who are these 8 people you are bringing? We're sorry for any confusion, but the invitation was only for you and a guest"

Get the couple's phone number from your FMIL and just call. Yes, yes, FI should call, but seriously...just get it over with. It's much better to nip it in the bud and clarify the couple's intentions so they can make arrangements for whoever "#3" is.

harper0813

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_extra-person-on-rsvpwhat-exactly-to-say?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:88fe860b-abf2-41b3-a2ab-badad7799662Post:c5fdacb0-1133-42ce-9058-eed32ddb3ac4">Re: Extra person on RSVP...what exactly to say</a>:
[QUOTE]You have their address to send the invites but don't know them well enough to have their phone number? You say you cut people that you really wanted there but you barely know these people? Kinda strange.. Either way, he needs to call them the invite was to just them.
Posted by AMYM312[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I don't know about 10% of the people I'm inviting to my wedding - distant extended family on the groom's side, my parents' friends, his parents' friends... </div><div>
</div><div>Original poster: do his parents' have their number and do they know them well? Could they do you a solid and contact them to ask for the number?</div><div>
</div><div>And if my fiance acted too chicken to call someone, I would tell him to man up! :)

</div>

AMYM312

I'd be damned if i'm going to look back and regret not inviting the people to my wedding that I wanted there because I had to invite extended relatives and parents friends that I barely know.

OliveOilsMom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_extra-person-on-rsvpwhat-exactly-to-say?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:88fe860b-abf2-41b3-a2ab-badad7799662Post:c80e9d88-d0bd-47bd-a9bf-6f588501dbb6">Re: Extra person on RSVP...what exactly to say</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Extra person on RSVP...what exactly to say : I don't know about 10% of the people I'm inviting to my wedding - distant extended family on the groom's side, my parents' friends, his parents' friends...  Original poster: do his parents' have their number and do they know them well? <strong>Could they do you a solid and contact them to ask for the number? </strong>And if my fiance acted too chicken to call someone, I would tell him to man up! :)
Posted by zoberg[/QUOTE]

No to the bolded. You are an adult, getting married, you shouldn't be asking your parents to do this awkward task.  It is your responsibility.  Unless it was the parents friend or another person that you have no contact with or have never met before and have only been invited due to the parents insistance.  As you said about manning up to your FI if he was too chicken, same deal applies here, don't pawn this off onto your parents.  (This is also a general you, not you specificaly zoberg.)

[Deleted User]

We had a groomsman write in three and added a random person's name that we didn't know it was.  His invite was addressed to Mr and Mrs X.  I had FI call to clarify who it was since we aren't having children at the wedding and I couldn't read the last name.  Turns out the groomsman added his mother in law whom FI has never met.  Uhhh, what?  We had a couple of declines so we rolled with it and I added her to the seating chart.

I know it's a who does that moment but your FI really needs to be the one to call to clarify since it's his side of the list.  I wouldn't say anything about if they really meant three because obviously they wrote it.  You need to figure out though beforehand if you are ok with it or not ok.  PPs gave good responses for either way.