Invitation Etiquette

jaderz85

I have a bit of a dilemma. My fiance and I are having a small ceremony/reception for immediate family and really close friends. We have a tight budget so our guest list currently sits at approximately 50 people. For those who we aren't inviting to the wedding itself, we are planning a camping trip approximately a week after so we can party with our larger circle of friends. Some of these girl friends I would like to have at my bachelorette party*, but they would only be invited to the camping trip (not the wedding due to our tight budget).

Is this okay? It's a bit of an odd situation, and I'm not wanting to be rude to these girl friends. I'm looking for some opinions on the subject. How would I go about inviting them without making it seem rude or inconsiderate. I want to celebrate with them, but we can't afford to have everybody at the main event.

Edit: After reading the comments and re-reading my post, I used the wrong terminology. I apologize. I meant the bachelorette party, not the bridal party. I'm not fishing for gifts in any way, shape or form. I don't expect them.

Knottie_22382102

no wedding invite = no shower invite.

vk2204

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitation-etiquette-22?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8916f79e-eabe-4829-b618-27c5dfb01961Post:f549553e-9b5c-44ed-9178-4e7a26d53ab0">Re: Invitation Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]You don't invite non-wedding guests to a shower.  It's rude to invite people to a gift-giving event in honor of your wedding if they cannot be invited to the actual wedding.  As much as you want to include your friends, don't invite them to the shower.  It could seriously come off as a gift grab and that's not your intention at all.
Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]

This, exactly.

AddieCake

No, it's not ok. It's not ok to invite someone to a party where they give you a gift and then not invite them to the event they gave you the gift for. That tells them they are good enough to give you a gift but not good enough to attend the reason for the gift. 

Jen4948

If you're not inviting them to your wedding, you should not invite them to your shower.  That comes off as gift-grabby, and it's really insulting to be asked to an occasion that's about gift-giving, but not to the actual celebration that the gift-giving underlies.

nda8414

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitation-etiquette-22?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8916f79e-eabe-4829-b618-27c5dfb01961Post:c4837522-1627-4c58-843b-c45c890d9c4c">Invitation Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a bit of a dilemma. My fiance and I are having a small ceremony/reception for immediate family and really close friends. We have a tight budget so our guest list currently sits at approximately 50 people. For those who we aren't inviting to the wedding itself, we are planning a camping trip approximately a week after so we can party with our larger circle of friends. Some of these girl friends I would like to have at my bridal shower, but they would only be invited to the camping trip (not the wedding due to our tight budget). Is this okay? It's a bit of an odd situation, and I'm not wanting to be rude to these girl friends. I'm looking for some opinions on the subject. How would I go about inviting them without making it seem rude or inconsiderate. I want to celebrate with them, but we can't afford to have everybody at the main event.
Posted by jaderz85[/QUOTE]

Please don't do this.  There's nothing wrong with having a tight budget and a small wedding, but if you do this, I guarantee your "friends" will not think this is such a friendly act.  I was once invited to a bridal shower for an acquaintance's younger sister, to which I was surprised because I had no idea this girl would be inviting me to her wedding...well luckily I found out before the bridal shower that indeed I was not invited to her wedding.  Now anytime these sisters come up, all I can think of is what bad manners they have.

Sephiroth

People mistakenly think that it's being more 'inclusive' to invite people to the shower even if they can't be invited to the wedding. Sort of like a shower invitation is at least a consolation prize of some sort.

It isn't. A shower is at best a moderately enjoyable party where one is required to bring a gift. So 'including' people in this just means that you're requiring them to shell out for a gift for a wedding they are not invited to. Which sucks.

Some of them may give you a gift anyway, of their own choice. But inviting them to the shower will make them feel like they HAVE TO.

jaderz85

Sorry ladies, there was some confusion. I didn't mean the bridal shower, I meant the bachelorette party. I want to invite these extra friends to the bachelorette party and have them come to the camping trip in celebration. But I have a feeling this still isn't kosher.... I really would like to know who made up these rules...