Fiance and my mother both want to take care of me after surgery

arthomas82

My fiance and I do not live together. I am the youngest in the family and I'm having surgery. My fiance graciously said that he will take work off and have me stay at his house so that he can take care of me. My mom wants me to stay at her house so that she can take care of me - like she has in the past. I think its really really hurting her feelings like Im having my fiance take care of me instead of her. She said that this is the last chance she will have to take care of her "little girl" before I get married. I see what she is saying and she is the best caretaker in the world...but I want to recover at my fiance's house...what to do!?

BecW2be

What kind of surgery is it, and how much care will you need? Some men can get all gung ho about saying they'll help out afterwards, not realizing just how much help you'll need. Will you be close enough that Mom can come help a bit and relieve FI from duty for a few hours?

arthomas82

Haha, thats a good point. I'm having my gallbladder removed but it shouldn't be too horrible because its going to be done through a laparoscope. I will be having the surgery on a Thursday, back to work on Monday. My mom lives about 30 minutes from his house so maybe I can even just invite her over there. It can be one big surgery party!

jasmineh7777

How extensive is the surgery? FI and I live together, but I stayed at my parent's the week after my surgery. FI had to work during the day, and also there were things that I would rather have my Mom help with than him. (For example, I would rather have my Mom help me get on and off the toilet than my FI).

BecW2be

That sounds like a great idea. Good luck with the surgery!

arthomas82

Thanks!!

kikibaby

There's only one way to solve this: Caged death match!

cukimerrydoll

My roommate had hers out a week and a half ago.  Her mom lives about 2 hours away, and her boyfriend lives about half an hour away, so she stayed with him for a few days.

He was amazing! 

Her mom is throwing a barbeque in a few months or so to thank everyone that visited/helped out...

From what I've learned about a laparoscopic cholecystetcomy is that recovery time is short, and it's a usually a 1 1/2 hour procedure.  If the procedure is shorter, the recovery is short and fairly easy to get through - something that your fiance should be able to help with readily.

Granted, that also depends on your medical history, what other abdominal surguries you have had in the past, etc.  If you haven't had major problems in your abdomen previously, post-op is normally pretty smooth.

HTH!

katiewhompus

It's hard on parents to let their baby go. I've been out of the house for 8 years now, and married for Dh for 1. When I had my root canal last week it was really hard on my mom to let Dh take care of me (yes I was being a big baby about it) and step back.

Mom's think they are / are supposed to take care of you. It's hard to break 20+ year old habits.

I think it would be a great idea to have her come visit so she can be assured that her baby is being taken care of.

amalama

I think having your mom come help out too is a great idea. My mom comes up here every time I have been in the hospital (ER or when I had surgery). Since I have been with BF (almost 5 years) she still comes up to be here for me and to help out, but she kind of backs off and lets him too. They both have figured out a balance to that type of think that I never really had to have much say in.

brilibby4

Since you said that you want to stay with your FI then I think that is what you should do.  Tell her she can come visit like the PPs suggested if she wants!