Wedding Etiquette Forum

WWED?

Mornin' everyone.  I have a WR question for you.

My bridesmaids and I all agreed that we'd just do our own makeup for my wedding cause the thought of random crap being put on our skin gives us the heebie jeebies.  However, I have one bridesmaid who is now saying she's not going to wear any makeup (she does not wear makeup on a daily basis) because her skin is too sensitive.  The reasonable side of me is saying not to worry about it, but honestly, I am slightly irked by it.  I feel super bad about that, but it's the truth.  So, what say you about what I should do?  How would you feel if one of your BMs wasn't gonna wear any makeup at all?
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Re: WWED?

  • I think I'd be irked too, but in the end, she's your friend and you don't want her to be uncomfortable. You love her even without make up =)

    Also, she could see everyone else lookin all hot and made up and decide she wants to wear some make up too. But she might not. I say it's okay. I wouldn't be thrilled either, but hey, she's your friend. You like her just the way she is.
  • The thing is, what CAN you do? Is there any remotely reasonable way to say "you have to wear at least the amount of make-up that I arbitrarily decide is enough?" No. So while I can see why you'd be a tiny bit put-off since generally in our society for women part of making yourself look dressed upinvolves at least applying a coat of mascara and some lip gloss, I'd just leave it. No one's going to be looking at her anyway.
  • If she doesn't normally wear it, I wouldn't care.  People will see her as the always do.  No biggy.
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  • I don't wear make up on a daily basis and even though I plan on doing my make up for the 4 weddings (including my own) I plan on attending this year, I would be a little peeved if I was "forced' to wear makeup. If she's your friend and you love her enough to ask her to be a BM, you will appreciate her beauty with or without makeup. Best of luck! [: 
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  • I'd find it odd, but I'd probably let it go. If you're weirded out by having random crap put on your skin, it would be a little hypocritical to ask her to try out a bunch of unfamiliar products for the wedding.

    Is she aware of sensitive skin makeup and just doesn't want to try it, or is she out of the loop?
  • I don't get why that would irk you at all.

    As a girl who wears no makeup, I would certainly hope that my friend wouldn't care if i chose not to wear makeup on HER wedding day.

    It's a really odd thing to be irked about.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:89a791d3-1185-4809-98db-b438d85fd966Post:f947a4a6-5527-4a28-835c-696204a02e92">Re: WWED?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'd find it odd, but I'd probably let it go. If you're weirded out by having random crap put on your skin, it would be a little hypocritical to ask her to try out a bunch of unfamiliar products for the wedding. Is she aware of sensitive skin makeup and just doesn't want to try it, or is she out of the loop?
    Posted by opalsky007[/QUOTE]

    I honestly am pretty sure that she's never even tried to put any makeup on at all, so yes I do think she's slightly out of the loop with respect to sensitive skin makeup.

    And Milkduds - I can't identify why it irks me.  It's not necessarily for pics or whatever.  I guess I just feel like weddings = dress-up = makeup.  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" />
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89a791d3-1185-4809-98db-b438d85fd966Post:68dee1ab-7b5e-4423-946e-c06b5fc7a842">Re: WWED?</a>:
    [QUOTE]The thing is, what CAN you do? Is there any remotely reasonable way to say "you have to wear at least the amount of make-up that I arbitrarily decide is enough?" No. So while I can see why you'd be a tiny bit put-off since generally in our society for women part of making yourself look dressed upinvolves at least applying a coat of mascara and some lip gloss, I'd just leave it. No one's going to be looking at her anyway.
    Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]
    This.

    But then there's also part of me that would want to remind her that she'll be in a lot of pictures and camera flashes can be pretty unforgiving on completely bare skin. Even if your skin is perfect. So maybe she might want to wear just a little for her own sake.
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  • I think the most agressive thing you can do without being jerky might be to say "Okay, let me know if you change your mind.  I'm sure <Other BM> would be happy to help if you decide to go for it."

    It's worse than making BMs wear the same uncomfortable shoe because you lurve it, because its her face. 
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  • I've been in 29438729347298347293742893748923742389 weddings and never worn more than mascara, and not once have I hated the way I've looked in their pictures, nor would my friends ever expect me to go outside of my comfort zone to make THEM  more comfortable. Dress up may equal make up to you, but that doesn't mean it means that for everyone.

    I'm irked that you're irked, actually.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:89a791d3-1185-4809-98db-b438d85fd966Post:37f9e2bd-fdd2-47a1-a8ac-3c9fe407938c">Re: WWED?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've been in 29438729347298347293742893748923742389 weddings and never worn more than mascara, and not once have I hated the way I've looked in their pictures, nor would my friends ever expect me to go outside of my comfort zone to make THEM  more comfortable. Dress up may equal make up to you, but that doesn't mean it means that for everyone. I'm irked that you're irked, actually.
    Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

    Sorry fishy :(.  Like I said, I'm irked that I'm irked too.  And I don't understand why I'm irked.  So I'm irked that I don't understand why I'm irked too......  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-embarassed.gif" border="0" alt="Embarassed" title="Embarassed" />
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89a791d3-1185-4809-98db-b438d85fd966Post:37f9e2bd-fdd2-47a1-a8ac-3c9fe407938c">Re: WWED?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've been in 29438729347298347293742893748923742389 weddings and never <strong>worn more than mascara, and not once have I hated the way I've looked in their pictures</strong>, nor would my friends ever expect me to go outside of my comfort zone to make THEM  more comfortable. Dress up may equal make up to you, but that doesn't mean it means that for everyone. I'm irked that you're irked, actually.
    Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]
    Fair enough then. I have crappy skin. I go without makeup pretty frequently, but if I happen to get my picture taken sans makeup, it's like every flaw is blown up and magnified and I look terrible.
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    Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89a791d3-1185-4809-98db-b438d85fd966Post:37f9e2bd-fdd2-47a1-a8ac-3c9fe407938c">Re: WWED?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've been in 29438729347298347293742893748923742389 weddings and never worn more than mascara, and not once have I hated the way I've looked in their pictures, nor would my friends ever expect me to go outside of my comfort zone to make THEM  more comfortable. Dress up may equal make up to you, but that doesn't mean it means that for everyone. I'm irked that you're irked, actually.
    Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

    I agree 100%.

    I only wear make-up like 2-3 times a year, and my feelings would be very hurt if someone even remotely suggested that I should wear it - because that implies that I would need it and I don't look OK on a day-to-day basis.

    Also, if she has less than perfect skin, a photographer can photoshop out imperfections - that's what my photog did with my e-pics - (edited out a few pimples).
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  • I'm thinking that it's maybe because to you, people should wear makeup to important occasions and events because that's what you would do, and if she doesn't, you might perceive it as her not caring or understanding the importance of the event. I get that. I promise you that's not it.

    At the same time, if she's a person who never wears makeup, that's probably not how she equates it in her head at all. She's wearing a pretty dress, with pretty shoes, with her hair all did, and her face is her face. She's rising to meet the occasion to her.

    I wouldn't want any of my friends to feel out of place in my wedding. I want them to look like them and feel pretty, and make up is likely to make her feel more self-conscious than anything and she'll be uncomfortable all day. You're a sweetheart, and I know you wouldn't want your friend to feel that way.

    I promise no one will even notice that she's not wearing makeup. And if they do? They'll know that that is just the kind of girl she is. And that's ok.
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  • I don't wear makeup on a daily basis.  I do wear it for weddings, and would certainly wear it if I were in a wedding.

    That said, she probably likes how she looks without makeup.  Most people who don't wear it, do.  She'll still look gorgeous.  Maybe this is a small thing that makes you feel like she's not that "into" the wedding (not that you're the type to think people should be totaly into your wedding, because I know you're not.)   She's still your friend and still in your wedding, you're going to love having her there that day - so I wouldn't sweat it!
  • edited April 2011
    Fishy said my point, but better, in her post right above mine.
  • I don't understand why this is bothersome at all.  A few of my BM's don't wear makeup normally and didn't wear it on my wedding day.  It's no big deal, they probably already know how their skin looks in photos as well.
  • ya, would she wear mascara and lip gloss?  I have a friend that wears no makeup.  I don't even think she wore makeup on her own wedding day, and she always looks amazing.  Her bare skin may photograph way better than someone with makeup on.  I think I would at least want her to wear mascara and lip gloss just to "dress it up" a bit.
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  • edited April 2011

    I don't see why you are irked either. I am sure you knew that she didn't/hasn't worn makeup and it wasn't a big deal when you asked her to be in your wedding.

    The only reason I can see that you would be irked is because of pictures.

    ETA: I didn't answer your qustion. I wouldn't care if one of my BMs didn't want to wear makeup. It's their face. Ya know.....

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  • Habs, I think requiring any kind of minimum make-up level is inappropriate, honestly. Fishy put into better words what I was trying to say about how if you do wear make-up even occasionally - which I think most women do - you associate it with dressing up appropriately for an event like a wedding, but not wearing make-up isn't the same thing as showing up in jeans. Dressing up in the appropriate clothes, shoes and a reasonable hairstyle with no make-up is perfectly dressed-up enough for a formal event.
  • Just have the other BM's tie her down and makeup the crap out of her.  Problem solved.
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  • crfischecrfische member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited April 2011
    This was me when I was MOH in my then best friend, now SIL's wedding. And for me? This is pretty damn dressed up. And I wore the 4.5 inch silver shoes she wanted me to, but by god, I wasn't gonna put anything on my face. Nu-uh.

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  • Habs2HartHabs2Hart member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited April 2011
    Emily - I know.  I think I would just personally prefer it, but I wouldn't request it.  I was just sorta getting out how I would feel.  Like I said, I have a BM who doesn't wear makeup.  She isn't getting hers done on the day as it's completely optional and she feels like barbie if she has any sort of make up on and always looks amazing natural.

    I'm going from the standpoint that I hate leaving the house bare and must be in at least mascara... but I know lots of people who don't need it. 

    I agree with what Fische wrote.  I can see where you wouldn't see that from my post though. 

    Fische, you look great in that pic!
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  • Christy, shut up - that is you with NO make-up on? You look perfect!
  • Fishy, it looks like you've got some sorta make up on there, you don't!? God you're gorgeous and I hate you for it.
  • I feel for your friend. Every. single. time. I wear makeup, my face burns, my eyes get all red, even with stuff for sensitive skin. Let this one go.
  • Dudes, I don't. It was summer time and I had a tan. That was about it. My skin isn't that swell this time of year. I posted the most recent picture of myself yesterday, and I'm not tan, so it doesn't cover up the flaws. Swear.
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  • Fishy you look amazing, and I'm so jealous for how amazing you look without makeup. :) FTR, I never wear makeup unless its a special occasion (like if I know there will be a lot of photos taken) but I never look as good as fishy does on a daily basis. :)
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  • :: turning green because Fische has amazing skin without makeup.  I hate you for that ::
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