Wedding Etiquette Forum

Wedding gifts paying for the HM.

I know the consensus on HM registries, but what about using cash gifts to help pay for or to upgrade your HM?

H and I weren't planning on going on one becuase money was tight, but now that we've received a generous amount of money as gifts, we're thinking we can afford to now. 

Or should we use it for concrete things so that we can specifically thank them for helping us buy something?

Or does it really matter?  I know I wouldn't mind if a couple used my monetary gift for their HM.

Re: Wedding gifts paying for the HM.

  • I don't see how anyone would know what you are using the money for.  I say if you want to go on a honeymoon, go for it!
  • Oh it doesn't matter.  We used most of our wedding gift cash on our honeymoon but on the thank you cards, I just made up other stuff we were using it towards/saving up for.  No big deal. 
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  • If it's what you want, do it. I don't see a problem with that.
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  • Sure, as long as the money is in your hands, it's up to the two of you how to spend it. What's frowned upon is counting on money that you don't have and don't know you will have in order to pay for a honeymoon you can't afford.
  • go for  it!  It's your money and how you spend it is up to you and H.

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  • I think once they've made a gift, it's yours to use as you please. I'd be happy to know that I helped a couple who couldn't originally afford a honeymoon. As long as they didn't ask for the money for that reason.
  • I'd do it. In fact, I might do it.

    If you suspect they'll be upset that you used the money for a vacation rather than a food processor, just say in you TY note, "thank you for the generous gift. It will be really helpful in starting our new life together" and don't be specific. However, lots of people use the cash for savings, debt payments, car downpayments or houses. If they really wanted you to use it for a food processor, they could have bought you a physical gift off the registry.
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  • I think its fine to use it for whatever you want to. Maybe say in the card that their gift was greatly appreciated. I certainly don't think I will be tracking each $50 gift and adding up receipts, especially if it just goes in a savings account for some future time. I am not Miss Manners, but I don't think its necessary to tell the giver how you will use a cash gift.
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  • Its fine.  Its your money now, spend it how you wish.
  • edited December 2009

    Yeah, that's what I figured.  We were just worried it was too closely linked to a HM registry.  I never even thought of mentioning other things we're saving for in the TY cards, Dani.

    Salty - we're not doing anything too fancy.  We thought we'd just go to Banff for 4 or 5 days and relax.  Get some massages, go on a horse-drawn carriage ride, etc.  We're not skiers, but we love the mountains anyway!

    Thanks guys!

  • It's your money and you can use it however you want.  If people specifically wanted you to spend it on something, they would have given GCs. 

    We used a lot of the cash that people gave us on our trip and we wrote TYs that said so.
  • It's fine to spend it however you want. I'd be happy to receive a thank you card letting me know that I'd helped the couple take a honeymoon. But if you think your guests wouldn't want to know that, you can always use the wording above about how their generous gift is helpful as you start your married life together.
  • I think people except that to happen.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-gifts-paying-hm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8a62bccd-7994-41ea-b4ac-ed52cbeb3f1fPost:1a31bd77-e229-4f6f-8101-8b1587478047">Re: Wedding gifts paying for the HM.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think once they've made a gift, it's yours to use as you please. I'd be happy to know that I helped a couple who couldn't originally afford a honeymoon. As long as they didn't ask for the money for that reason.
    Posted by opalsky007[/QUOTE]

    Yup, I agree entirely.  If I didn't want you to be able to use it for your HM, I'd have given you a GC or a tangible present.  (I've done this before because I didn't want the wedding gift to become next week's groceries.)

    To me, as long as you didn't ask, and you're using it on something that's a significant treat (vacation, new house, furniture/house wears) to you, then you're using it in the spirit in which it was given.  Just not for household bills.
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    Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
  • Yeah just don't write "thanks for the cash, it paid for the hotel room where we did it like bunnies" in the TY card and no one will be any wiser!
  • People gave you cash so you could use it for whatever you wanted. I say go for it.

    We used wedding cash to upgrade things on our honeymoon.
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  • Haha, Kati.

    Thanks guys!  Looks like we'll be using it for a HM.

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