Crying Twins

Leslie&Eric

My FI and I are paying for the entire wedding and our guest list right now is at 230.  We want this day to be a family affiar which means we are inviting our friends and families children.  We dont have any problems with any of the children they are all well behaved.  Accpet my FI's second cousin has twin two year olds who do not stop crying! And I mean it when I say do not stop crying.  My FI and I decided to address the invite for his cousin with just her and her husbands name, no and family or anything like that.  But we have a really good feeling that they will not pay attention to the invite and bring there children anyway.  For my bridal shower my bridesmaids only invited close family and friends.  The cousin with the twins was not envited but her mother was.  Well the the cousin came with her mother and brought her children.  I am really worried that the twins are going to cry through the whole wedding but they are not on my side so I do not know what to do.  How do I tell them that the twins are not invited but when they come to the wedding other kids will be there?

Marrin713

Well you really can't when you've invited every other kid in the families and the children of friends as well.  I would hope your church has a crying room and that the parents would take them there.  If I were the twins parents, I'd be looking forward to getting away from the crying for a day.

hlq2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_crying-twins?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8adb3ad4-91c7-42bf-a899-b4cad4bdcc1bPost:9974a0a0-a58b-4267-aa1f-b827563bcdbc">Crying Twins</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI and I are paying for the entire wedding and our guest list right now is at 230.  We want this day to be a family affiar which means we are inviting our friends and families children.  We dont have any problems with any of the children they are all well behaved.  <strong>Accpet </strong>my FI's second cousin has twin two year olds who do not stop crying! And I mean it when I say do not stop crying.  My FI and I decided to address the invite for his cousin with just her and her husbands name, no and family or anything like that.  But we have a really good feeling that they will not pay attention to the invite and bring <strong>there </strong>children anyway.  For my bridal shower my bridesmaids only invited close family and friends.  The cousin with the twins was not <strong>envited </strong>but her mother was.  Well the the cousin came with her mother and brought her children.  I am really worried that the twins are going to cry through the whole wedding but they are not on my side so I do not know what to do.  How do I tell them that the twins are not invited but when they come to the wedding other kids will be there?
Posted by Leslie&Eric[/QUOTE]

Except, not Accpet/Accept
their, not there
invited, not envited

You're setting yourself up for serious backlash for inviting all kids except these?  And it's probably not going to be just from them.  It's going to look like a slap in the face, and that's what it is.

I'm sure the parents know well enough to remove the kids if they start crying.

kara811

Ditto others. You can't invite all others kids and exclude the twins. 

The parents might not want to bring them, have a "date night" If they do cry, like PP said, they probably would get up away from the ceremony. 

Leslie&Eric

Thats the thing they dont remove them when they start crying.  And with the situation with the bridal shower proved to me that they will not be removed.  They were not even invited for the bridal shower and they showed up and the twins cried the whole time I dont think it will be any different for the wedding.

Stackeye210

You can't really invite EVERY other child and then not invite these 2 kids.  If you honestly feel like singling them out then when they RSVP for 4 then you call and explain it's for just the parents.  I think they'd be really hurt when they show up and see every other kid there though. 

If these people are on FI's side of the family, well then have him deal with this. 

Stackeye210

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_crying-twins?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8adb3ad4-91c7-42bf-a899-b4cad4bdcc1bPost:37e16ab0-4cdb-4662-9a6f-7f25d8d38544">Re: Crying Twins</a>:
[QUOTE]Thats the thing they dont remove them when they start crying.  And with the situation with the bridal shower proved to me that they will not be removed.  They were not even invited for the bridal shower and they showed up and the twins cried the whole time I dont think it will be any different for the wedding.
Posted by Leslie&Eric[/QUOTE]

Maybe it will be a lot different when they have other kids there to play with. 

DramaGeek

Everyone always says the parents will remove the child, but they may not.  H's cousin's kid screamed through our whole ceremony and his cousin did nothing about it.  We had no clue until after the fact.  A couple weeks later, his other cousin told us about it.  We hadn't heard it.  We were so focused on each other and what was going on that we had no idea he was doing that.  When we got the video we realized how right she was - he screamed through probably 80% of it.

I agree that it's not really something you'd want to tell them.  It will totally be a slap in the face and may ruin your relationship with them forever.  Your best bet would have been not to invite any of them, but if they do RSVP that they're coming with the kids, I think you have to let it go.  Pehaps having someone point out the cry room, subtley, would work, but otherwise I wouldn't even worry about it.  You probably won't notice it, and it won't reflect poorly on you, they will be the ones who look bad for not removing their crying kids.

georgia_bride09

I find it hard to belive that the twins' grandmother let them cry for the entire length of your bridal shower. I could see the mom doing that if she lets them cry whenever and wherever, but normally grandmas have a little shame.

Invite them and post someone at the back of the church to go up to them during the service and ask them to leave if the kids cry continuously.

waltzingmatilda13

Well, first of all, it's a parent problem, not a crying kid problem. The parents aren't taking responsibility. You can either deal with having all 4 of them there with crying kids or not invite them at all. You can't single them out because they will notice and will be hurt about it when their kids are the only ones not invited. 

mkrupar

You can't not invite their children when you've invited everyone else's kids just because they cry. Kids cry. If you want kids at your wedding you have to deal with the fact that some kid may cry. It might not even be these two twins that cry that day. You have no way of knowing what kind of mood they will be in. It's possible they were crying because the time of your shower threw off thier regular schedule and they were cranky. I find it hard to believe that they cry all.the.time.

LesPaul

Can you have an usher (or someone) politely tell the parents when they arrive that there is an area for guests to take crying children and point it out to them?

FutureMrsTR

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_crying-twins?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8adb3ad4-91c7-42bf-a899-b4cad4bdcc1bPost:37d52f00-b633-4a06-a0a8-c0ab18b83db2">Re: Crying Twins</a>:
[QUOTE]Can you have an usher (or someone) politely tell the parents when they arrive that there is an area for guests to take crying children and point it out to them?
Posted by LesPaul[/QUOTE]

This is a good idea.  Especially if the ushers are saying it to everyone, it won't look like you're singling them out.

I would have no problem with having someone ask them to leave if the kids are crying.  If you're going to be rude (let your kid cry through a ceremony) then I don't mind asking you to leave.

KarenLM

Have ushers mention you are videographing your ceremony and would appreciate that all children be removed at first sign of crying.  Have a location set up in a location away from ceremony site for them to take the young ones.  Maybe stock with animal crackers, cheerios, juice boxes. You could print an insert to be handed with the program to all families with young children stating your wishes for a quiet, beautiful ceremony and your wonderful arrangements for their children.  Possibly have several teenagers "staff" a play room for the ceremony, allowing parents to choose whether to stay w/kids or return to ceremony.

noodle_oo

Yeah, sorry, it is just plain rude to invite lots of other children and only exclude theirs.  Take the other posters advice and just have the ushers try to prevent the problem.  In the end, if they cry, really you won't notice it.  We had lots of children at our ceremony and I honestly don't know if any cried.  Actually, I can't even tell you what the music sounded like, I was so caught up in the moment I think I lost my hearing!  Or my memory...

It won't be as big a deal as you think it is.  Especially at a 230 guest wedding, you wn't even notice them.  But if you don't invite their kids and you do invite plenty of other kids, your cousin WILL notice and your rudeness will be remembered by family for a long time after the wedding.

ETA:  The only way to really exclude their children is to have a clear cut off where you do not invite any children, like immediate family only.  But if you are inviting the children of friends and most other family, it will be extremely noticeable that you purposely did not invite theirs, which is kind of a slap in the face to your cousin.

kgorge41

Could you hire a babysitter to watch guests' children during the ceremony, offsite or just away from the ceremony? I am hiring a sitter to watch my guests' children. They will all hangout one of the parents' hotel room. I asked my wedding planner for recommendations. It's a nice out for parents' that don't have sitters in the area.I bet they would take you up on such an offer.

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_crying-twins?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8adb3ad4-91c7-42bf-a899-b4cad4bdcc1bPost:5019839d-394a-438b-87eb-331b6d71e996">Re: Crying Twins</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Crying Twins : This is a good idea.  Especially if the ushers are saying it to everyone, it won't look like you're singling them out. I would have no problem with having someone ask them to leave if the kids are crying. <strong> If you're going to be rude (let your kid cry through a ceremony) then I don't mind asking you to leave.</strong>
Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]

All of this, but especially the bolded part.

Carlydl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_crying-twins?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8adb3ad4-91c7-42bf-a899-b4cad4bdcc1bPost:5019839d-394a-438b-87eb-331b6d71e996">Re: Crying Twins</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Crying Twins : This is a good idea.  Especially if the ushers are saying it to everyone, it won't look like you're singling them out. <strong>I would have no problem with having someone ask them to leave if the kids are crying</strong>.  If you're going to be rude (let your kid cry through a ceremony) then I don't mind asking you to leave.
Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]

This.  I wonder if the people they will be sitting by would speak up and ask them to take their children out if they do cry.  I probably would say something if I were sitting next to family with a crying child and the parents weren't being responsive, especially after seeing firsthand how time-intensive and expensive it is to plan a wedding.  Even if the bride and groom couldn't hear the child during the ceremony, I wouldn't want them to have a perpetual baby-crying soundtrack to their wedding video.