Wedding Etiquette Forum

gm vent

I know there is nothing I can do about this. Just a vent and we will have to see what happens. One of FI's gm said he might not be able to make it to our wedding. He's getting married a little over a month after we do and I know sh!t happens and expenses pile up, and its impossible to gauge where youll be financially a year in advance, I just wish he had said something sooner. I feel so bad for FI. I dont even care that sides will be uneven. Gm's FI said she knows I'll be mad that they're messing up the sides and wp order. That's not the issue at all. FI is just so bummed. They have literally known either their whole lives. They were born in they same hospital room. That's how their families know eachother. He was really looking forward to seeing gm again, our entire wp is coming from the east coast for our west coast wedding. Its tough and we so appreciate everyone that can be there. My parents keep saying that we need to replace him. Don't worry we won't, we know thats a huge faux pas. Hopefully he can make it. Apparently MIL called him or txted him and gave him an earful, so lets see what happens! Vent over. Thanks for reading/listening!
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Re: gm vent

  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited March 2013
    That is a bummer. 

    On a somewhat related note, my husband's best friend from high school got married the same day we did. At one point, the friend called my husband to ask if he would be the best man in the wedding, which at that time was scheduled a week before ours. My husband said he didn't think it would be a good idea trying to travel out of state the week before our wedding.

     So then the friend called him a couple weeks later to say they had moved their wedding to our date b/c that's the date they had wanted as well,and since he couldn't be in it the week before, they may as well get married on the date they wanted and he figured he wouldn't mind since he couldn't be in it anyway. 

    It was so odd. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • You guys must have picked a really good date then! We had changed our date from last november to this coming july, so that probably didnt make things any easier for them. I totally get it, I still think its kinda sh!tty.
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  • Sierra524Sierra524 member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited March 2013
    Sorry this happened! We have had some GM issues also. So know that you are not alone. We asked our BP kinda early bc we both already knew who we wanted. Anyway, back in December FIs bf almost backed out bc his other friend got engaged, set a date for the same day as ours, and then asked him to be his best man knowing he was already committed to our wedding. Anyway, after GM thought about it for a few months he found out that his friend had already found someone else to be his best man, so he decided to remain a GM in our wedding. We were pretty upset about it bc FI really wanted him there, as he has been more like a brother to him instead of just a best friend. During those few months we didnt bother him bc we were both sympathtic to the position he was in. Maybe your GM will be able to figure out a way to be there still, even only as a guest. That would eliminate the extra costs of being a GM, like the tux. ETA: Your FMIL never should have "given him an earful" bc its really not her place to deal w the GM. Heis your FIs friend. Not yours. Or your FMIL. He shouldve been the one to talk to him and asked his mother to stay out of it.
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  • In Response to Re:gm vent:[QUOTE]I don't get it. You're not mad, but you're "venting"? You understand, but you think it's "schitty"?

    Yes, it's a bummer, but I think putting it on the GM is the schitty thing to do. Did you ever consider that on top of unexpected financial difficulties, he is missing HIS oldest friend's wedding?

    I had a BM who couldn't make it to my wedding because of money. I can tell you right now that I had about 2 minutes all day where I was thinking "aww, I wish Adam was here for this." The entire rest of the time, I was enjoying my amazing wedding day. My sweet wonderful friend, on the other hand, was stuck at home, broke, and looking at all the photos everyone was posting of our wedding. I would not hesitate to say he had it worse than me in that situation. Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    Of course I understand but I'm still going to be disappointed about it. You can't say you weren't when you found out your friend couldn't be there. It sucks for both of us. He made a commitment and might have to back out. That happens, I get it, but that doesn't change the fact that it still sucks and the my FI is going to be missing his oldest friend on one of the most important days of his life. This literally happened yesterday so give us a day or two to be upset. We will get over it and move on but right now it sucks and all I wanted to do was vent. I'm not looking for a solution, just wanted to air my frustration with the situation and figured you ladies would know what I'm going through because nothing ever always goes to plan, especially with wedding.
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  • ditto stage.  Also, if it's purely a financial restriction is there any way you guys could help him out?
  • I never said I was mad at him. I'm frustrated, I know this happens and that nothing ever really goes as planned, and ive been really laid back about oretty much everything. So when my FI tells me that he got a facebook message from his gm saying he might not be able to come we're going to be dissapointed in the timing and the situation, just like you stage. If we could help financially we would but all of our money is going towards the wedding so we can't.
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  • it's okay to be disappointed and frustrated, but you do still have to let it go.  You and FI will get married with or without him.  Let him know you understand and will miss him!  Its very hard when traveling occurs--esoecially across the country!  Last year my cousin got married in New Orleans-- I live in CA.  I wanted to go so desperatley and planned on being there 100%.  Sent the RSVP and everything.  I had two free flights that I saved to use for the trip so I could afford to go (FI and I had just opened our own business, so money was extremely tight for us).  But I wanted to do anything I could to be there.  Anyway, of course the days I needed to fly into her wedding were blocked and I couldn't use my free flights.  I tried booking months in advance even and The airline said keep checking because they may open up.  They never did and the cost of the flight kept getting higher and higher.  We looked at alternate airports, flying in somewhere, renting a car to get ther etc, but anyway we looked at we could not afford the extra nights in a hotel or the extra travel expense. Nor could we afford closing the shop for too long since every day was important for us starting out.  We were so upset that we couldn't make it work.  Even for me to go solo w/o FI was going to be too expensive.  My mom offered to pay for my flight but by that time roudtrip was over $1000 and I just could not accept her to do that.  My cousin was sad, but totally understood.  I sent a gift and called her on her wedding day to say I was thinking of her. 

    Long story short-- traveling long distance is expensive and while so many people "want" to be there, so many times they just cannot.  He did not tell you sooner because he probably wanted to do anything he could to be there.  Yes, it sucks, but its not the end of the world.

    And how rude of your MIL to call him and b*tch at him.  Unless she is paying for his trip she has no right to interfere.  He already feels like Sh*t I'm sure--that is not going to help anything,



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    Anniversary
  • Ill be the first one to say that I'm frustrated. It happened yesterday! FI is frustrated and we wish things could be different but unfortunately not everything works out as expected. That's ok and we will get over it I just posted this thread because it had just happened and we were both pretty bummed. At the end of the day we are marrying eachother and that's all that matters. If something doesn't go to plan, I still think its ok to get upset for a little bit. I'm not saying a week or a month or up until the wedding, this happened yesterday. FI and I aren't going to harp on this forever I was just sharing my frustrations. I'm not mad at gm or blaming him. Obviously if he had the money he would do what he could to get here but he can't because he is paying for his wedding and I'm sure he is very frustrated as well. This is what happens when families live in separate states, like pp mentioned. It happens, it sucks, we will all get over it.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gm-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8b0c6c83-4ddf-4b9e-9f8d-eab150b097a7Post:3ec011ab-0068-474f-9463-cd3656ea9a9c">Re: gm vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]ditto stage.  Also, if it's purely a financial restriction is there any way you guys could help him out?
    Posted by Kate61487[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I agree with this. I'd do just about anything, including cutting my flower budget, decor budget, etc., to get a best friend there for me if they were important enough to ask to be in the wedding. Can you help him?

    </div>
  • edited March 2013
    We have tried to figure out a way to find money somehow, but we are pretty much making everything. Aunt is doing our flowers I'm making edible favors we are already doing everything we can to have everyone we love at our wedding that we can't really cut back anymore.
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  • blondii428blondii428 member
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    edited March 2013
    My FI is in a similar situation. His friend that he has known the longest since he was a little boy, also the best man, has informed him that he won't be able to be a GM due to financial issues. He spends loads of money on a game subscription though so we think that unfortunately his priorities just aren't right. What's worse is since he didn't show to the engagement party without a word we aren't really expecting him to show to the wedding either just as a guest. Who knew wedding parties could cause so much drama and pain?'
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