I don't know if anyone is familiar with my story about my cousin, I've posted about her a couple times. I call her Sally here. She's had a rough go of it when it comes to men, all of her own making. She's been engaged three times, married once, and divorced once (the divorce was a result of a very short ten month marriage, the engagement was a result of about four months of dating). I try really hard not to judge and just feel symapthetic for her, but I can't anymore. She recently got "sort of" engaged (no proposal, no ring, and she still referred to herself as "in a relationship" on FB-although FB doesn't count for much, I know-it was a strange situation), and then found out this guy, let's call him Todd, she had been with for about three months was cheating on her with at least three other women. He had recently gotten divorced, and was getting back at his b!tchy wife. He had two kids, which Sally referred to as her own (this made me very uncomfortable. I could sense by their intense FDA-Facebook Displays of Affection-that the relationship wasn't going to last long and those kids needed some stability in their lives). Through her short lived relationship, however, I didn't judge. I didn't say a word. You all may be asking, why should I give a crap? Well, I'll tell you...
My family has and always will be very close. My grandmother is the head of our family, with her three children (my mom and my two uncles) and their ten children (including children-in-laws, and including me). So we don't have a huge My Big Fat Greek Wedding family, so it's easier to be close. When my cousin first got engaged (she was eighteen at the time, I was seventeen), she asked her only female cousin on the OTHER side of her family to be a BM, but not me. You might think that's a petty thing to get miffed about, but besides her sister (who was and always would be MOH) I'm the only female cousin on OUR side of the family. Everyone, not just me, saw this as a complete slap in the face to our side of the family. Not to mention as little girls (yes, I know, people grow up, and I should have too) we promised each other to be BMs in each others weddings. She never said a word to me, not even after my aunt (not her mom) very publicly shamed her for this (wrong of her? probably? did Sally deserve it? definitely). When the engagement dissolved, Sally went on like nothing happened, ignoring the hurt feelings she had caused (I was not the only piece of collateral damage in this soap opera). I know now it was probably too embarrassing and painful to make a dozen apologies for what could not be undone.
Sally never went without a boyfriend after that, and each relationship lasted a few months at the most. She finally settled on this guy, let's call him John. John was kind of sketchy (there were rumors of his receiving a dishonorable discharge from the armed forces, but no one knows why or how), but we welcomed him into our family because why judge a book by it's cover? They got engaged just after Christmas, and she immediately asks me to be a BM (very half-heartedly, she didn't even look me the in the eye) to save herself the grief of another family battle. By this time, I was considerably older (nineteen...maybe that's not considerably older, but it felt like it), and a whole lot wiser. I wouldn't have given two sh!ts if she had asked me or not. I knew, however, I would face a certain amount of wrath myself from my family if I hadn't agreed to be in the WP. So I did. She then proceeded to tell me that she had chosen a BM dress and that I need to travel 400 miles to her to get measured. I told her I would get a friend to measure me down where I was (in the middle of midterms, mind you) and I would send her the numbers. She told me she didn't trust me, and that if I couldn't make it up to get measured, I wouldn't be a BM. You didn't have to tell me twice. I told her as politely as I could that I appreciated her kind (*snort*) thoughts, but I would enjoy the wedding much more as a guest. She had no problem with that (shocker) and replaced me immediately. The kicker here is that the girl who was my replacement lived all the way out on the coast, and I know for a fact that she FB'd the measurements to Sally.
The wedding was nice enough, I guess, but the marriage only lasted about ten months. Once again, she didn't say anything to anyone, and very unceremoniously got divorced (I can understand how painful a divorce must be, however I felt it was inappropriate that she literally acted like the marriage never occured, when our family had worked together to help put the wedding together). Then, it happened. I got engaged. I never saw her until Christmas (I'll get to that in a minute), but I could tell that she was seeing green by the messages I received from her.
Christmas came, and it was a week after the breakup with the guy, Todd. I didn't say anything, until she sat down near to me and I very casually asked "So, are you feeling okay?". Whether or not this was appropriate of me to say, her response was not. She truly acted like I had shouted this in front of everyone. No one else was around, and I said it very quietly, and very sympathetically. She looked like she was going to slap me, and said "No, not at all" and got up and left. It just happened to be that the Christmas that she had a fresh breakup coincided with the first family gathering where all my family got to see my ring, gush over wedding details, and officially meet my FI. I tried to be as sensitive as possible, not being too showy in front of her, but if anyone brought up the wedding in front of her, she would scowl and stomp off. I understand that breakups are hard and painful, but if our situations were reversed, I would have at least tried to be a little more subtle about my jealousy.
Christmas was at my parents' house this year, so as everyone was leaving, she took one look at me and one look at FI, and in a very rude tone said "good luck with planning", and left. Sally had said maybe one or two words to FI the entire night. We haven't spoken since.
I'm not looking for advice here, but I really just needed to get this out of my system. I know it's probably petty, but no one else wants to hear about it, because they're her family too and no one wants to start a feud. I'm just glad I can vent here and have some peace in my brain. Sorry if I've annoyed anyone. Thanks.
SUMMARY: My cousin has recently broken up with her sort-of fiance and has made a few rude comments about my engagement.
ETA: I'm not going to delete this because there's no point in covering up one's mistakes, but after the responses I've received so far, I realize that this whole rant is really unfair to the persons involved. Please understand I realize how I sound in this, and I apologize if I have offended anyone.