Dismissing a Bridesmaid

kristinkist

.

number55

dismissing...use spell check.

You will not be making friends here if this is what you choose to post on for the first time ever. Of course, it wouldn't matter if it was your 1000th post. Kicking BMs out is not cool. Nobody here will tell you what you want to hear. You are wrong. 

The Mel and Todd Show

If you're prepared to end the friendship and look like an awful person to everyone you know, do it however you want. I suggest a poem. If you'd prefer to think rationally, realize that your wedding is only one day, and maintain your dignity and good name in polite society, then don't do it at all. Unless she slept with your FI, committed several acts of murder, or set your dress on fire, it's not ok to do this.

tidetravel

You cannot kick out a member of the WP without making yourself look like a huge bridezilla, because, regardless of your reasons (with some very specific exceptions), it's a diick move.  If you no longer want to be friends with her, then end the friendship and the WP issues will work themselves out in the wash.  If you'd like to continue with the friendship, suck it up, lower your expectations and stop indulging her "drama."

pirategal03

Why make it smoother?  Kicking a bridesmaid out of your wedding is a friendship-ending move.  If you care about your friendship with this girl, then work through it, and work on your friendship.  If you don't, then it doesn't matter how to "make it smoother" because your friendship as you know it will end no matter how you say it.

lyndausvi

You are kicking out a friend of 20 years  (normally a relationship ending move btw) who is also a drama queen (I'm sure not a new quality of hers) and you want it to go smoothly. 

Really?

A decision, good or bad, have consequences.   Once you made your choice, you need to deal with them.   Meaning it's not going to go smoothly and you need just need to deal with that.

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dimissing-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8b27108b-2096-4322-824f-ac5e13bca51dPost:fea15518-ce2b-4520-a6e7-f92947dd5abb">Dimissing a Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]I have recenlty decided to kick the drama queen bridesmaid out of my wdding party. The problem is, I have known her for 20 years. She had expected to be my MOH and when she found out she was not she attacked me emotionally. I know I should just be honest with her, but she is a DRAMA QUEEN and will make me out to be the bad guy. What are some tips some of you have to maybe make this smoother? LOL Thanks, Kristin
Posted by kristinkist[/QUOTE]

You essentially ended the friendship.

Snippylynn

I'd love to hear what this "drama" is.

mkrupar

Sounds to me like she's not the only drama queen. There is no "smooth" way to do this, and you won't find anyone here agreeing with you. While she shouldn't have assumed she was your MOH just understand that she's upset about it and move on.

You should look at this in the context of your friendship and leave the wedding out of it. If you want to end the friendship because of her drama then do it. Why you would decide to do this now and not any of the other 20 years of friendship is beyond me. It sounds to me like you might be putting your wedding in higher regard than a 20 year old friendship.

If she was always a drama queen you can't expect her to change for your wedding. Talk with her, don't just jump to the conclusion that you need to kick her out.

redheadfsu

what pps said.

If you kick her out, then everyone will think you are a big brat. It is really rude and tacky to do this.  Plus the friendship is completely over. So no one here is going to give you suggestions on how to do it.

garcias1

I agree with PPs.  How long has it been since you asked her to be BM and not MOH?  Obviously that was your choice, and you are not wrong for asking her to be a BM rather than MOH.  But if it just happened recently, she might just need time to get over it.  It is a little silly to get upset that she is not MOH, but if she is always a drama queen, then you should have expected it.  Don't kick her out.  Just don't talk to her about wedding details.  If the situation doesn't get better, you either have to suck it up or end your friendship.  Kicking out a bridesmaid is never a good option unless she physically abused you or FI or cheated with FI.

Summer2011Bride

There is no smooth way to do this. I agree with all PP's. You're ending your friendship with her. YOU will come across as the bridezilla and drama queen to everyone else, not her.

What is she doing that is just so awful it would make you end a friendship of 20 years?? I'm curious to know.

NatandIsaac

Good for you! Kick out the DRAMA QUEEEN bride while you're at it.

saisongbird

Guess what?  You were quoted.  There's no point in deleting your OP when it's been quoted for the world to see.  It just makes you look extremely childish, and besides, it's rude when people are actually giving you advice.

squeakyduck

I have recenlty decided to kick the drama queen bridesmaid out of my wdding party. The problem is, I have known her for 20 years. She had expected to be my MOH and when she found out she was not she attacked me emotionally. I know I should just be honest with her, but she is a DRAMA QUEEN and will make me out to be the bad guy. What are some tips some of you have to maybe make this smoother? LOL Thanks, Kristin
Posted by kristinkist

You are being the bad guy here. Give her some time to get over being disappointed by not being you MOH. Please don't kick her out. It is a very hurtful thing to do. My (former) friend asked me to step down when I told her I couldn't afford her super-expensive BM dress. It really made me feel terrible and we aren't friends anymore. 

If you want to "make this smoother" take her out for coffee or something and talk about non-wedding things. Don't kick her out, don't imply that she should leave. Tell her that you really do love her and want her up there with you. Tell her that you were hurt by how she treated you, but you understand that she was disappointed. You couldn't pick everyone and so you chose your sister/roommate/cousin/whoever. Many people could tell you a nice way to explain to her that she is not MOH, but there is no way to nicely tell her that she is no longer a BM. 

lilcassers

You will loose a friend. Have fun with that drama. I recently decided that one of my BM and I are not as close as I thought. Oh well... who cares? After that ONE day, I just won't hang out with her as much. No big deal. Just ignore all of her antics and tell her to stuff it when she is overstepping her boundaries. I hardly see how the love between you and your FI has much to do with her snooty attitude. Just let her be her annoying self and all the others will see what a pain she is anyways, and you will look like the good guy.

Don't get involved in the drama. Remember: it's about you and your FI, not you and your friend.

stellaella

Whatever the drama was, I can guarantee it wasn't worth losing a 20 year friendship over.

Take a step back from the planning, and work on your friendship.

squirrly

Don't kick her out.  Just talk to her.  There might be drama or tears or whatever, but isn't that better than ending a 20 year friendship? 

And, please don't delete. 

whaleflipflops

To the OP for what it's worth- my best friend of 9 years just kicked me out of her bridal party. She still talks to me and asks for my advice on wedding stuff and all that (which does really offend me). She may be acting like all is great between us, but my opinion of her and our friendship has changed a lot.

I don't know if you have done this yet or not, but unless there are dire circumstances- I would reconsider. It may be the biggest day of your life at this current moment, but you have many more days after this and you want a friend who has been there with you for 20 years to share in all of your days- good and bad, not just the one.

shortee426

If she threw a hissy fit when she was made to be your MOH, what makes you think she's not going to throw a hissy fit when you give her the boot?

Seriously...if you value her friendship at all, you wouldn't do it.  You would take her out to lunch and talk to her. Not about your wedding. But about HER.

If you don't care and are looking to dump her anyway, then go for it anyway.