Should we send another gift?

[Deleted User]

So this past summer my FI got invited to his cousin's wedding. It was apparent that he was B-listed, he received the invitation about a week before the wedding. He really wanted to go though and catch up with these relatives but the invite was only for him. He called his cousin and said he wanted to come but he wanted to bring me, his fiancee. Apparently they had no idea I even existed! His cousin apologized profusely and asked us both to come.

Surprise surprise I got sick the day before the wedding so I couldn't go but I encouraged FI to attend and hang out with his family. He went and had a really good time. When he was congratulating his cousin and the bride they called me on his cell phone to say they hoped I would feel better soon.

I thought that was very sweet of them and let FI know that we should invite them to the wedding because I would love to have them there. One thing slipped my mind though as my FI left for the wedding that day. We had purchased a card previously that my FI just threw some cash in it before leaving it on the gift table. It wasn't this weekend that I asked him how much money he put in the envelope. "$10, everything I had in my wallet." 

My first instinct is to find something on their registry and send it to them. I just don't think $10 is substantial for a wedding gift, at least for what I would rather spend. 

So at the end of this long wall of text I have a few questions. Despite being B-listed should we send another gift to the couple? And if we do what should we say in the card? I probably wouldn't stress about this as much if they weren't future relatives.

lauralaur

That's entirely up to you guys and what you wish to spend, if anything. If you guys want to send something else, then go ahead.

JoanE2012

If it were me and I was B-listed, I would probably decline.  However, if I did choose to attend, I would probably give more than $10.  I know gifts are not required or expected, but $10 seems like you're snubbing the couple and saying, "I know I was B-listed, so here's the change from my pocket".  Unless of course $10 is a standard gift in your circle.

Sharpschruter22

If you have to ask a question, then most likely you already know what to do. Do you really know that he was b listed? Maybe they forgot about him until right before and hurriedly sent out the invite. They obviously don't keep in touch since they did not know he is engaged so them forgetting is not entirely out of the realm of possibility. If I were you and in this situation I would absolutely give them something else. It really all comes down to if you can afford to though. You should always give what you can afford to give. No shows are very irritating to those who have already paid the catering company per person. I would feel very badly about that and I would feel like I need to get them something else. Those are just my thoughts and opinion.

[Deleted User]

Thank you. Yes I think we're going to get something off of their registry. I typically spend more than $10 on wedding gifts based on the relationship of the person I'm going for. I'm fairly certain that he was B-listed because the wedding was a three hour drive so FI needed to make sure he had enough gas in the car. I think despite being B-listed they were very gracious to extend me an invitation when they learned I existed and even call and send me their well wishes on their wedding day. I don't want them to think FI and I are being passive aggressive with the $10. So what should we write in the card when send them the gift?

lauraanne9

Are you positive he was B-Listed?  Invitations get lost in the mail.  Our wedding was 9-15-12 and a good friend of mine got her invitation yesterday.  Now, her and I had already talked and she was in the wedding, so not an issue.  But a LOT of things could have happened that account for why the invitation was late, and none of them have anything to do with being b-listed.

If you want to send more of a gift, send them something else. Maybe blame the FI for being a "guy" in the card and forgetting the check that was supposed to be included at the last minute.  You were sick and I know if it were up to my husband to get places without me, he would never show up to anything, ever again.  And if he accidentally managed to show up somewhere, there is no way he would have a gift.  So, him forgetting the check without you is plausible enough that they will not think anytihng of it.  Unless he is the organized one...LOL

hoffse

Yeah I try to separate the gift from the sort of invitation I get - like I attended a wedding a couple weekends ago for my best friend in college.  My name was misspelled and my FI (who she knows because we started dating in high school and he came to all our sorority functions) was listed as "hoffse guest" on the invitation and his name tag thing.

It sort of sucked (I have an incredibly easy name and you'd think she'd look it up on facebook if she wasn't sure), but I still got her the gift I wanted her to have and spent the same amount regardless.

MrsGandthebeag

$10?!  Holy crap, yes, I'd send something else.  I don't think I'd send a card though, just the gift from the registry.