Canceling wedding, having smaller one pt 2

orangehills

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_canceling-wedding-having-smaller-one

Quick other question- so, FI and my mom and I talked a lot more about this last night, and what I have peace about is having the parents, siblings, wedding party (that is the 13 people (more if some of them are in a relationship) and then about 8 other friends and significant others, putting it at 25. No more, period. No family friends, or extended family. Just our few closest friends as well as the wedding party, instead of just the wedding party. We were originally going to have about 80 people. Is cutting it like that too much against etiquette; should we just stay with wedding party  instead of inviting those 8 other friends?

msuprincess04

If that's the wedding you want, then go for it. But, when you pick friends over other friends, you will have hurt feelings. You need to just accept that. Or, keep it to family only.

Cortney1982

Even if you invited 100, I'm sure there would be somebody that would think they should have been invited. 

QueerFemme

I agree with Stage.  If those 8 people are the 8 people you hang out with on a very regular basis and the other people aren't in the same social circle/hang out crowd, then I think it's probably ok.  But, if some of the original guest list is in the same circle, almost as close as those 8 people, you may want to rethink including those 8 and just have immediate family and maybe a MOH and BM.

orangehills

Yah- it's 4 of my friends I see and talk to on a regular basis that aren't in the same circle as anyone else, and closer than anyone else- and their significant others. And then maybe 2 or 3 of my FI friends- same thing. 

I'll see. My FI is kind of leaning towards just the family and wedding party, while I kind of want a few more people there- you know, to see my in my dress! Though they do understand if they can't be- we'll just do a girls day or something beforehand. But at least it's not totally against etiquette- so that's good! Thank you ladies!!

cwaggoner07

I kind of agree that you need to be cautious about those 8 extra people. I think there is definitely a way that it won't be offensive, but just be careful.

libby2483

If I was in your situations, I would just stick with the wedding party and immediate family.  In your previous thread, you said that you had already verbally told several people about the wedding and would need to backtrack now.  If I was verbally told about a wedding of a friend, and then was told that they actually changed their plans and were only having immediate family and wedding party, I would understand and be fine with that.  But if I was told they were having immediate family, wedding party, and some other friends, but I didn't make the cut, I would be annoyed.  Ultimately, it is your decision and you have to decide if you would rather have these friends there and have some other people be annoyed about it, or not have these friends there and establish a clearer cut-off that people who weren't invited would be less likely to be upset about.

augurey

FI and did this. Our guest list had reached 220 and counting. We cut it down to 150 - worrying about how many hurt feelings there would be because of it. Then on top of it, we had just bought a house and really saw what our budget would be like (left us no room to budge!).

We finally decided immediate family only with some close friends - yes it actually reached 38 with that! I had to invite 1 set of aunt/uncles as they are very close (or at least were but would otherwise be very offended to the point of probably never speaking to me again - unfortunately). The other aunt/uncle were invited as that was the only way to have my two grandmothers come (which I guess also applies to my dad's mom).

FI invited his aunt/uncle/2 cousins because his aunt is his godmother.

The friends & their spouses that were invited are very close and are some of the most supportive people. Our ceremony location is where the spiritual group meets that FI attends & they are the regulars.

Anyone else who has inquired & we have explained to, everyone has been very understanding.

orangehills

FI and I agreed- and we cut the 8 other friends. We are just going to have a guys day and a girls day with the friends we can't invite. We are just doing immediate family and wedding party. Makes it super easy and stress free and I know I can have fun really personalizing this little party we are throwing, and to make awesome pictures ha!

Larissa811

I am getting married in July, originally our wedding was going to consist of approximately 300 people! This week we have decided to cut back significantly to approximately 75 close friends and family.  We have verbally told quite a few people about the wedding but no STD yet.  We have told several that plans changed and hope they are happy for us.  If not, we probably don't want them there anyways So far, everyone we have told has been happy we are doing what we want and aren't feeling pressured into having a big fancy wedding! Hope everything works out for you! Remember...it's like EVERYONE tells you, it's your day!!