telling adults how to dress :P

cfreesquared

I figured that heading would get some attention.

So Ive been reading alot of back and forth about telling people how to dress for your wedding. Im not really trying to start another heated discussion or anything... but here goes.
I read somewhere (i believe it was on theknot) that putting on your wedding website that certain attire was "strongly requested" or something like that was acceptable. Our families know how to dress and everything, I was just hoping for a more formal affair,I mean my fiance is planning on wearing the tux with the tails and everything. Is there really no polite way to ask for this?

Sassenach1743

Are you having a black tie affair? 

If so, I think it is fine to include the phrase "Black Tie" or "Black Tie Optional" on the invitation or somewhere on your website. This, in conjunction with the formality of your invitation itself, will give your guests a hint to the formality level of your event. If they choose to wear tuxedos and evening gowns (which they might, if you suggest that your event is indeed that formal) then they will know that it is appropriate. 

I think that's pretty much all you can do in referencing attire. Although, I did use the phrase "Dress to impress" on my website... hopefully that isn't too against etiquette. I'm not using it on the invitations though and only included it on the website as a general statement, I'm sure my guests will dress appropriately. 

[Deleted User]

No there isn't no matter how much you try to sugar coat it. The formality of your wedding should be shown through your invitations. If people show up underdressed it will reflect badly on them not you or your FI.

emilykathleen511

The only reference to attire that should happen is if you have a truly black tie affair (hosted top shelf open bar, band, etc.) or if you are hosting a costume party. Those are the only exceptions. At least as far as the invitation itself.
 
As for the website, I would say the only other time I would put a note on there would be for practical things or things required by the venue. For instance letting guests know jeans are fine, or to wear casual shoes at a beach wedding, or that women's shoulders need to be covered in church (ONLY if this is a REQUIREMENT of the venue).

jessicabessica

Really, just don't.  Have you picked out your invitations yet?  Make them formal--formal wording, nice paper, script, inner + outer envelope, etc.  That's how you signal to people what an appropriate level of formality is.

rachelm13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_telling-adults-how-to-dress-p?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8c91fe6f-785d-4784-bd05-363793906d6ePost:79db3841-4733-4c1b-9a62-b14db47d6041">Re: telling adults how to dress :P</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to telling adults how to dress :P : Tuxedos do not have tails .  Never!  What is he really wearing?  You sound very confused to me. <strong>There are two kinds of tailcoats that may be worn at weddings.  In the daytime, a cut away coat (morning coat) is worn with striped trousers and a grey vest at a formal wedding.  In the evening, a black tailcoat is worn at the most formal of functions with white tie. </strong> American weddings are not usually this formal, though I have been to debutant balls and embassy receptions where they are worn.  Unless you and your family are used to attending white tie affairs, your FI is going to look silly in white tie and tails. <strong>Tuxedos are called "black tie".  They do not have tails, but they do have satin facings on the lapels, and a stripe down the side of the trousers.  They should only be worn after 6:00 PM.  Black is the preferred color.</strong> I think you'd better figure out the proper dress before you start telling other people what to wear.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

<div>Agreed.  </div><div>
</div><div>Also CMGr, thank you for writing this.  I have attended weddings that have done this all wrong.  The only thing that made one of the formal weddings take the cake over the other was one listed on the invitations as "black tie", took place in the summer, in Newport RI, during the day the groom wore tails with the white tie and a frikkin top hat.  most guests were in the "know" and many commented on the faux pas.  not to the B and G of course.</div><div>
</div>

libby18bell

The time of the day the wedding and reception take place and the style of the invitation will give your guests a hint as to the attire.  Note that if you are having a "Black Tie" wedding you should say so.  That's not black tie optional, or formal, it's a full black tie, white glove service, all guests in tuxedos or dark suits (rare) and women in formal gowns, think royal wedding.  I'm guessing you are not having this type of wedding for many reasons, costs, the burden on your guests, outdated, etc.  As PP have mentioned if you want your event on the dressier side make sure your invitation reflects that, don't go whimsical.  http://fashion.about.com/cs/tipsadvice/a/weddingguest.htm

Summer2011Bride

The only two exceptions I see for this are: 1)It truly IS black tie or white tie or 2) Your ceremony or reception venue has their own dress code that, if guests don't comply, would get them kicked out.

If neither of those two scenarios are met, you can't even put "suggestions" on your site of how formal to dress. You said your family and friends usually always dress appropriately anyhow, so I don't see the issue at all.

bridalmarch

I've never been told how to dress for a wedding (although I very rarely look at wedding websites) and I've always been appropriately formal. Unless it's a beach wedding, I'm usually comfortable in a cocktail dress. Most women wear cocktail dresses to weddings in my circle, and most men wear suits. If someone is more dressy or more casual, I can't say I've ever noticed. 

I sort of hate wedding websites, and FI and I don't have one. We're getting married in a church with the reception at a club with no dress code. I trust all of my guests to dress appropriately, and if they don't, it's not going to ruin the day. 

winelover123

Only put "Black tie" if your wedding is actually black tie. I've always been under the impression that the bride and groom are more dressed up than everyone else at the wedding (like ball gowns during a beach wedding...or any gown during a beach wedding - the guests aren't going to wear gowns to the beach). The time and place of your wedding dictates the formality. So if you're having a Saturday morning wedding with the reception in the church fellowship hall, it's not going to be black tie.

Make sure you have your invitations match the formality level of your wedding. If you're going for a formal wedding, don't go to the informal area of invitation websites, for example. You can also spread the dress word of mouth. Give examples - aka "women in cocktail dresses, men in suits." Don't put it in writing. GL!

TKzilla

I just have to say: I did tell my father he wasn't allowed to wear his cut-off Harley Davidson shirt to the wedding. At least, not until after the good pictures are taken! Other than that, everyone can wear whatever they want.

CrazyCatLady3

What is wrong with saying black tie "optional"?  It specifically means it would be appropriate to wear black tie if you want (i.e. you won't be overdressed), or don't if you don't want to.  How is that imposing on anyone?