sticky invite question

HockeyFan4

we still have a bit before we have to send invitations...but I like to do things early and this one is a tough one.

We have a friend...we will call him John....We have known John for as long as we have been together and then some (about 8 years)  about 6 years ago he started dating Jane.  John and Jane were always together and we became friends with Jane.  John and Jane got married a couple years ago.  Right around when we were sending out STDs we found out John and Jane separated.  We sent them each a STD individually. 

FI and I had said we would invite both John & Jane w/o +1 and just sit them at different tables.  Well Jane is now seeing someone else...and proclaiming her love to him all over her FB. 

How the hell do we handle invites?  We were initially friends with John....and are more friendly with John than Jane....I know you need to invite someone if you sent a STD....but in this case if Jane is still with her new beau when we mail invites is it ok to just invite her and not her new beau?

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sticky-invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8cd8387a-b711-4cce-9278-6fb49f6fd061Post:d07900ab-6b6e-4af1-be0c-c032b892f044">sticky invite question</a>:
[QUOTE]we still have a bit before we have to send invitations...but I like to do things early and this one is a tough one. We have a friend...we will call him John....We have known John for as long as we have been together and then some (about 8 years)  about 6 years ago he started dating Jane.  John and Jane were always together and we became friends with Jane.  John and Jane got married a couple years ago.  Right around when we were sending out STDs we found out John and Jane separated.  We sent them each a STD individually.  FI and I had said we would invite both John & Jane w/o +1 and just sit them at different tables.  Well Jane is now seeing someone else...and proclaiming her love to him all over her FB.  How the hell do we handle invites?  We were initially friends with John....and are more friendly with John than Jane....I know you need to invite someone if you sent a STD....but in this case if Jane is still with her new beau when we mail invites is it ok to just invite her and not her new beau?
Posted by HockeyFan4[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>With that being about 3 months from now, I would call them serious if they've been together since your STD's went out.  Send them both an invite with & guest.  

</div>

cengle

I would give both of them a +1. If Jane and new guy are dating, then it would be improper to not invite him. And since you're good friends with John, I think it would be nice if he got a +1 too.

LilyWater09

This could potentially be a mess.  Depends on how they separated - is this something amicable or do they hate each other?  If they hate each other, would they be vocal about it at your wedding?  Is he the jealous type that would mess with your big day.

I think you have more to consider before you blindly tell them to invite their +1. 

beckys67

I think since you already sent them both STD you need to invite them plus a guest. I would let each know that is what you were doing just as a common courtsey. 
 

bmetz34

did you send the STD to jane and john as a couple?  can you just invite john and not jane? sounds like that's who you'll be friends with after all is said and done anyway.

redheadfsu

You need to invite them with a plus one.

It appears you want to remain friends with both of them. You sent an STD after the break-up. To not offend them, you need to invite them both with a guest (since at least one of them is in a serious relationship).

cara91997

That's a tough one. I think since you were friends with John first, you probably should have asked him before you sent Jane a STD. In any case, it's all said and done. If you sent her a STD and she has a beau, then yes you need to invite them as a couple. I would also extend a plus one to John and give him the option, even if he is single. If he is your friend you should consider his feelings. He probably won't want to be there alone and see his ex professing her love to her new beau like she does on FB.

I think you or your FI should talk to John about the whole thing. Let him know how you sent STD's to both of them and ask him how he feels about it. He might be fine with it and you worried over nothing. He might also like the "heads up" that he will see his ex with beau at the wedding. Or, he might be totally offended and say he'd prefer not to see her. In any case, out of respect for him you should talk to him and then decide what to do. Yes, it breaks all rules of etiquette to not invite her but if he is your friend first and you don't see yourself continuing much of a friendship with her, then maybe don't invite her. I don't think you can invite her without the new beau though. I say give them both a plus one or don't invite her at all and be prepared to have it end your friendship with her.