Big wedding to a small wedding...change of heart

Noellesmama

I need your advice on this...

FH and I were planning a big elaborate wedding for next June, well after moving in together we've realized that this is not what we want after all.

Now, we are in the process of cutting a 325 person guest list down to a small 125 people event.

We both prematurely asked our friends and family to be in our wedding party....I know I should've waited. In total we have 18 people in the wedding...9 each. 

Because we are trimming the guest list and the chapel is small and quuaint is it ok to cut down on the wedding party? These friends and family will still be very much invited. We're thinking that keeping it to just MOH and BM, with our daughter as the flower girl. 

I definitely do not want to hurt anybody's feelings! If doing this is absolutely not an option, then we will keep the numbers as they are.

TIA for the advice

lilianne22

If you already asked them to be in the WP you can't go back without being extremely rude, sorry.

PharmacyBride

I am sure you will be much happier with a smaller wedding!  My only advice is to not cut people with implied invites.  If you didn't send them an official invite.. but said something to them to make them think they were invited.. disinviting them now will be harsh.  Just keep this in mind so you don't hurt anyone you care about.

As for the WP.. they don't all have to stand up there with you.  Have them walk down the aisle and sit in the first row.  They will participate in the capacity of your other guests during the ceremony until it is time for the formal exit.  The MOH and BM can be directly by your side if you want.  (My WP will sit in the first row and only be standing during the vows .. but I am getting married in a large church - so there is room for them to line up next to us.. it isn't a requirement by any means that they be standing in line next to you)  

I definitely wouldn't ask any of them to stand down as this will be extremely hurtful for them and not worth the drama (or hurt feelings).  They don't need to have a big role in the ceremony- but they should still be kept in the WP.

JadziaDax

I think it's ok to narrow down the wedding party, especially if it's far in advance. I'm sure your friends will understand.
From previous posts I've read on here, a lot of people may tell you different- that once you chose the wedding party, you can't go back on your word.
You aren't forced to do anything and if you have a change of heart far in advance, I doubt anyone's feelings will get hurt.

banana468

I don't see how you can do this unless you drop it down to one attendant each.  How do you say, "You are really close to me but you're like 3 ranks below my other friends who made the cut?"

So either cut out the WP completely and have just a BM and a MOH or keep the WP and the costs in  your budget.

iamjoesgurl

If a friend of mine asked me to be in her WP and then retracted it, I would be hurt that I didn't make the cut.  If there isn't enough room in the chapel for the whole wedding party to stand, could you have the front pews reserved for your WP to be seated for the ceremony?  If you cut the list down to 50, I would think 18 people is far too many, but I think it would be fine with 125 guests.

PsyDet 2155

I would be very hurt if I was asked to be in a wedding party then was "unasked."  I would refrain from doing this. 

tenofcups4me

If you're cutting it to JUST MOH and BM, I think it's ok to do the cut. But I wouldn't keep some and cut the others because that would be hurtful. And I'd make sure that's really what you want and then do it soon.

Noellesmama

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_big-wedding-small-weddingchange-of-heart?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8d461ebe-96b1-4eda-949e-1b11426de25ePost:00debd6a-27af-4d46-9f4a-b5ee5c7088f0">Re: Big wedding to a small wedding...change of heart</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't see how you can do this unless you drop it down to one attendant each.  How do you say, "You are really close to me but you're like 3 ranks below my other friends who made the cut?" So either cut out the WP completely and <strong>have just a BM and a MOH</strong> or keep the WP and the costs in  your budget.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>That is what I said in my OP...I had already chosen my cousin as my MOH and FH had already chosen his BM. </div><div>
</div><div>I'm just unsure of how to go along with this?</div>

Noellesmama

Thanks for all the replies!

I thought I was conflicted with cutting the guest list. But this is even harder to swallow!

I never mentioned to anybody that they were invited to the wedding, not even a STD out yet. So we are in the clear with guests...

LuluP82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_big-wedding-small-weddingchange-of-heart?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8d461ebe-96b1-4eda-949e-1b11426de25ePost:0b7e7316-b048-42cb-a2ca-c50af9d0179f">Re: Big wedding to a small wedding...change of heart</a>:
[QUOTE]Why don't you tell them the truth?  They are supposed to be people who love you.  I would undertand either way...although sometimes advanced age helps with that kind of thing.
Posted by Muffin'sMom[/QUOTE]

I don't think I'd care that much, either, TBH...It's not like they've bought dresses or anything.

Noellesmama

Thanks so MUCH!

We just went to check out the venue and it is SOOOOO beautiful and unique!

http://sanpedrochapel.com/

We will def. need to cut it down to 1 &1.

squirrly

I'd just tell them that you decided to do a really small wedding, and you love them but don't want to burden them with a dress and all that expense.  You can list them all as honorary BMs and GMs in the program, if you want.