Eloping

omglydia

This is my first time posting but I've been a lurker on here for a while now.

So FI and I have been planning a wedding for about 4 months now, and were actually supposed to meet with the venue today to officially book and make our first down payment.  Our budget for the whole thing is about $18K.

Well last night we started talking about money, and the question came up, 'should we just elope?'.  I could go on and on about better ways we could spend that money (new car that FI needs, Lasik for both of us, an awesome vacation, etc).  If we did decide to nix the big wedding, we would probably do something at the courthouse with both our parents, my brother, and his best friend.

1. Is this a situation where it's appropriate to send announcements?  And if so would we send them to everyone who we would have invited to our originally planned wedding?

2. We would still kind of like to have a small celebration in our hometown with close friends and extended family, how can we do this without seeming gift-grabby?  Maybe call it something else other than a reception?

Thanks in advance for your help!

Simply Fated

1. I've always felt weird about announcements. I feel like if I'm important enough to tell, then it should be done with a phone call. But I know I'm in the minority there, lol.

2. I'd call it something else besides a reception.

saacjw

1) I think anouncements are appropriate. 

2) You can have a party when you get home, a big nice party. Don't do traditional receptiony things though. I also would find it strange if I knew you were planning a wedding, decided to elope because of budget, and then had a big party, because it seems counter productive.

Snippylynn

The party is by far the most expensive part of the whole wedding process. It kind of defeats the purpose of eloping. You have to decide-- have the wedding you are planning, including the party (reception) or elope, have the very small group of people attend that you want, host a dinner for them.  You can't have it both ways.

I think announcements are nice, honestly.

omglydia

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloping-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8d4c2f27-0de5-45dc-80a9-5c7426259b81Post:2dc79999-eace-4d69-a587-4bc12f1600c2">Re: Eloping</a>:
[QUOTE]1) I think anouncements are appropriate.  2) You can have a party when you get home, a big nice party. Don't do traditional receptiony things though. I also would find it strange if I knew you were planning a wedding, decided to elope because of budget, and then had a big party, because it seems counter productive.
Posted by saacjw[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree that it would be counter-productive, I knew it was a weird idea, (one of our friends suggested it) I just couldn't put my finger on exactly why.  We mostly just wanted another excuse to see our friends and family since we wouldn't be having a wedding, but maybe we can just make an effort to spend (completely non-wedding related) time with them next time we're in town.</div>

Snippylynn

Honestly, you don't even spend that much time with friends and family at a wedding. You are so busy doing other things that you can't even eat, much less sit down and have a long conversation. 

Kate61487

I think if there's ever a time for announcements this is it.  I find announcements odd when you invite 100 people and then send announcements to another 50.  When you're getting married with 6 witnesses I think announcements are nice.

I agree that I'd find the party odd; especially since you're considering eloping because of budget.  Can you have a Christmas party or a labor day BBQ to actually get some more time with friends and family?  I think that would be better.

shanliann

what about a big bbq type picnic get together? more along the lines of "hey everyone we are going to be home for these days and we want to make sure we get to see everyone so lets all get together and x park"  we do this every couple years with a group of previous co workers, maybe if you wanted to you could offer to buy the meat to grill? or something a little more then just pasta salad

MyNameIsNot

To me, elopements are really why announcements still exist.  I would definitely consider them if you elope or do a small thing with less than 10 people.  

I would look into throwing a Labor Day (or pick a holiday) BBQ instead of trying to plan a reception for people that weren't invited.  You can do it on a pretty small budget, and use a park or someone's backyard.  You eliminate the whole gift aspect, and it's more laid back so that you'll be able to socialize and spend more time with everyone.  

toni1835

We are currently considering the same thing as we start to look at estimates for the wedding we thought we wanted.  I'm worried about upsetting some family members if we elope so we might just do a small family wedding and a dinner afterwards.  I think announcements would be nice for those that aren't in attendance.

photo5freak

My cousin did "almost" the same thing. They didnt want to do a big fancy wedding so they got married at the court house and had 2 separate parties at the MOB home (one for family and the other for friends).

They sent out regular invitations and since they didn't register for gifts, they asked that if you did want to give a gift, they would like a monetary contribution to their honey moon. It was a lovely party and a great time was had by all.

It's your choice if you want to elope or not. There is a classy way, and a not so classy way to do it. (my sister eloped but that's a whole nother can of worms)