biological fathers/stepfathers

cathymsmith1120bbas

I would love some suggestions on how to handle wedding etiquette regarding the role of my biological father vs. my stepfather. In a nutshell, my stepfather raised me and I'm very close to him. Ive already decided that he will walk me down the aisle. However, my biological father is also in my life. We have never been close and we are more like aquaintances, but I see him a few times a year for dinner and on the holidays. I don't believe he would expect to be walking down the aisle. Do I need to formally let him know that my stepfather will be walking me down the isle or just invite him to the wedding like any other guest (and not address the issue directly)? He's aware that I'm engaged. Are there any other suggestions for how he may participate? Honestly, most of the people at the wedding won't even know he's my bio father. Help please! Thanks!!! 

RamonaFlowers

I have a similar relationship with my bio-dad/step-dad.

I never brought it up, he never asked. When the wedding rolled around, I ordered boutonnieres for both of them (Also ordered flowers for my step-mom), I had my step-dad walk me down the aisle, and danced with him for the Father/Daughter dance, and then for the first dance after the dance floor opened up for the reception, I went and asked bio-dad to dance with me. He made no inclinationion that he had a problem with how I handled it.

Jen4948

If your decision about having your stepfather escort you and otherwise act as FOB is fixed (and it sounds like it is), then I'd leave it alone and not discuss it with your biological father until he brings it up, and then just say casually, "Stepfather will be escorting me and dancing the Father/Daughter dance.  But I appreciate your coming and being there for me."

Ali092011

I think it depends on your dad. My dad was the type that would have been upset if my stepdad had walked me down the aisle, even though he hasn't been actively involved in my life since he moved out when I was twelve. He even went so far as to ask my sister who was walking me down the aisle.

H and I decided that the best way to avoid drama was to not have either my dad or my stepdad walk me down. We decided to walk down the aisle together, and it ended up being my favorite thing about my ceremony.

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting your stepdad to walk you down the aisle. However, I would think about your dad and the type of person he is--if you think there's any way he would feel slighted and cause any kind of drama, you're better off giving him a heads-up.

lauralaur

I went to a wedding once were the MOB was married three times and the bride wanted to acknowledge all three "fathers", so she danced with each of them for the father-daughter dance. If you want your father to feel included as FOB that would be one way to do it. Or if you know of a favorite song of his you could have it played at the reception and dance with him to it. You could also get him a bout as pp suggested and have him escort your SM if he is married down the aisle during the processional. Or he could simply attend as a guest. Our parents are divorced and remarried so we just sent them all down the aisle with their spouses with the exception of my SM, who was escorted by my brother as my father was walking me. Seating of the parents actually took longer for us than the bridal party took to get down the aisle.

cathymsmith1120bbas

I greatly appreciate all of these responses. You've been very helpful ladies. I've been driving myself a little crazy over this