convincing the groom...

dockwhite

Please help me ...
I am lucky enough to have a finace who is VERY interested and wants to be involved in all aspects of planning our Sept 2011 wedding.  Although I'm starting to question my luck at this point...

We are Catholic and our ceremony times are restricted to 1pm or 6:30pm.  We also absolutely want an evening reception -- and have the perfect venue picked out.

I have a lot of experience with 6:30 weddings and receptions immediately following in my hometown -- him, not so much.  So where I'm comfortable, he's not.  Did I mention our guest list is 400 ppl (250 of which are out of towners)?

My fiance is extremely worried about feeling rushed after the 6:30 ceremony ... getting pictures, eating dinner, getting the formalities (speeches, first dance, cake, etc) done and getting the dance floor open.  So here's his "solution":

Fiance wants to get married at 1pm and start the reception at 6pm.  We can't afford to entertain our guests through the afternoon too (5 cocktail hours?!) but he thinks telling them about local attractions and restaurants will adequately fill the gap.  This idea is HORRIFYING to me.

Fiance sees this as our wedding DAY and doesn't like the idea of only 6 hours together ... I see this as our wedding day where we're celebrating by throwing a party for 400 people and NEED to be caring and considerate hosts.

To make it even more complicated -- I suggested group pictures before the ceremony to cut back on rushing after ... Fiance feels too "traditional" for that ... despite that we're living together for the next year, etc.

We are at a standoff.  Please help!!  How can I make him understand how rude his plan is?  Or if I'm out of line, pleae let me know.
Thank you!

waltzingmatilda13

I think if those are your choices, you are better off not having a gap.

What does he think about doing pictures separately before the ceremony? You with the BMs and your family, them him with his GMs and family. Then all you need are group shots and the 2 of you. That should cut down on the picture time after the ceremony. And I think people will understand if it takes a little time as long as you feed them a little with appetizers so they aren't starving by the time dinner is served.

MissLeahM

Why not move the reception up?

opalsky007

Yeah, that plan is rude. You need to make sure your guests are occupied. Also, it's much more "rush" to prep for a 1PM wedding than a 6:30 one. Think about stuff like getting your hair done: most salons don't even open until 10 or 11.

We did what Matilda suggested with pictures: took seperate family and WP photos, then brought everyone together after the ceremony. It went ok.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Ditto PPs.

If you absolutely must have the earlier ceremony, then move up the reception time.  But certainly you can get a lot of pictures done without him seeing you before the ceremony. 

twilight.rose

You need to think of your guests, and the logistics of the day, in this situation. Could you start the reception earlier if you go with the 1 PM ceremony? I understand that you want an evening reception, but a 5 hour gap is rude, not to mention annoying, to your guests. If the two of you decide to go with a ceremony at that time of day, it simply may not be possible to have an evening reception. Explain this to your FI.

If you decide to go with the 6:30 PM ceremony, he may need to realize that doing pictures ahead of the ceremony would be the most efficient way to have time to do all the photos you want to get. H and I did all of our photos before the ceremony, and it made the day so much less stressful and allowed us to enjoy our entire reception with our guests.

baystateapple

You're right, he's wrong.

Ask him how he would like it if he had three hours to kick around, all dressed up with nothing to do, while some other couple got to have their big special day.

Beachy730

If you went with the 1 pm ceremony, it wouldn't end until at least 2.  If you are doing a receiving line at the church that could add an extra half hour.  So then you are looking at about 2:30pm.  Could you start your reception with a cocktail hour at 5?  That's much less time in between than 5 hours, and more acceptable.

I have never seen or heard of a 6:30 wedding in a church.  Actually I think even the ones I've been to that were in the same location as the reception started no later than 5.  So I would probably be a little thrown off if my H wanted our ceremony that late.  But if its the norm in your area, that's different. 

How much travel time is there between your ceremony and reception?  A catholic wedding is usually at least an hour, which would be 7:30.  Even if there is only a few minutes travel time in between, you need to plan in at least half an hour for stragglers and people who get lost, so now you are looking at 8:00.  That does seem pretty late to me, since most receptions I have been to are at least 5 hours long.  How late do you plan on your wedding going until?  As a guest I honestly would rather prefer a 2 and a half hour gap between the 2 than eating dinner at 10pm and having a bouquet toss at midnight.  But I'm sure i'm in the minority here.

sep72fendr

I've been a a big catholic wedding that was in the afternoon with 2 hours to kill in between. Yes it was an inconvenience, but we made do. We went to a local bar (all dressed up) and knocked back a few drinks and an appetizer before heading off to the reception. There are perks to both sides of it I think. If you had a 1pm ceremony, it would last about 1.5 hours. Around 2 is when you would be done after vacating and saying good byes. If you moved up the reception to even just 4:00, that would cut back tremendously.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I'd do 6:30. Can you do SEPARATE pictures before the wedding? You and your side of the WP, him and his side? Then do pictures together right after the ceremony?

That way you can have a short cocktail hour/welcome right after the ceremony and serve dinner at 8, start dancing at 9, and have the reception go until 12, 1 or 2.