What to Do???!!!

MrsSheenaMcInnis

My fiancee and I are finally getting married after 7 years together. Due to financial reasons we are having a very small wedding ceremony with cupcakes and refreshments but no reception. The problem is a couple of my guests who have facebook posted pictures of the bridal shower, commented on my page about the wedding, ect. I have some family and friends who are friends on my facebook page but were not invited to the wedding and have liked pictures and comments about the wedding. I was thinking about sending a message to those not invited to know why they werent invited. How does this sound ??

As I’m sure you know Ian and I are getting married in a couple weeks. Please note due to financial reasons we are having a very small wedding ceremony with only about 25 guests and no reception.  Due to this reason we couldn’t invite everyone we would have liked too.  We hope you all understand and that you hold no hard feelings towards us. Thank you and Take care!

Thoughts????Do I even need to explain why they werent invited?? Obviously Im not that close with those not invited but what is the proper ettiqette here?

mandi195

I think you're better saying nothing. People will be offended they didn't make the cut, potentially, and it will just create uncomfortable situations for all involved.

arendiva

Yeah, it's better to not say anything. No reason to emphasize the fact that you aren't inviting them. If anyone asks you directly about it you can explain though.

ski2play

Do not say anything unless asked directly, in person.  A blanket announcement such as above will only do more harm than good, in my opinion.

ericaandtom2012

Don't send the note.  People will realize they're not invited when the wedding day passes and they did not receive an invitation (or they already know because you're a couple weeks out).  You don't owe anyone an explanation of why they weren't invited, even if they specifically ask. "We kept it small" will become your new friend, don't say anything about budget or space, etc. 

It may also be wise of you to ask guests not to share any pictures of comments on facebook about the wedding.  Then you can avoid having uninvited persons liking and making comments and not have to feel bad about having the wedding you and your FI are having.

Ali092011

I think if you're having a very small, intimate wedding, it should be small and intimate on Facebook, too. Keep wedding talk to a minimum so people won't be constantly reminded that it's coming up.

FWIW, I have commented on and "liked" wedding-related statuses and pictures knowing that I wasn't invited to that particular wedding. People can share in your happiness and excitement without desperately wanting to be included.

Edited for clarity.

MrsSheenaMcInnis

A couple of cousins were asking my sister about the wedding and how the planning was going. Still no?

LDubHawksFan

You still shouldn't send out a mass "why you aren't invited" message.  If your cousins keep asking your sister, she can say it's going well and either choose to mention something in passing about it being a small wedding, or not.  Those cousins will get the hint when they aren't invited.  I would probably take down FB messages about the wedding if you really don't want people asking.

Ali092011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-to-do-14?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8efa1bfc-15cc-4831-a932-fb233d50a47cPost:46c606bb-abef-4e28-a5c4-11f9bc7ba842">Re: What to Do???!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]A couple of cousins were asking my sister about the wedding and how the planning was going. Still no?
Posted by MrsSheenaMcInnis[/QUOTE]

Still no. It's just bad form to send a letter/facebook message to people telling them why they aren't invited to something.

Again, people can ask how planning is going without needing to be invited or feeling hurt when they are excluded from the guest list. All kinds of random acquaintances and distant family members have asked me, my mom, or my sister how planning is going. I still don't feel the need to explain why those people aren't invited.

People are generally understanding that wedding guest lists are complicated and usually involve sacrifices and compromises. Anyone who doesn't understand that they aren't invited and questions you about it is rude.

JoanE2012

Some things are better off left unsaid.  This is one of things.

wrigleyville

Don't say anything. I often "like" photos and ask about wedding planning even when I know I'm not invited. It's just natural curiosity that comes from being friends/relatives with someone. I'd feel really weird if someone sent a blanket message to let me know I'm not invited. I can pretty much figure that out for my own when the wedding is a few weeks away and I haven't received an invitation.

stantokm

Like PPs said, don't send a message, only respond if they ask you directly.  Also, if/when pictures of your wedding show up on Facebook, people will see that it was a small wedding.  A good friend of mine was in a similar position as you and after she and her (now) husband announced their engagement, she told us in person that it was immediate family only when we asked about wedding plans.  We were disappointed, but understood, and still liked seeing pictures online.