After Party Questions

Starfish1210

Hi Ladies,

I have been a lurker for awhile but wanted your advice on a question I have regarding after parties.  Technically 2 questions but one is not really etiquette related.

My wedding is from 6:30-11:30 at my reception hall and I was planning to add an afterparty at the venue until 12:30.  We would provide food carts and we would pay the bar tab for the afterparty at the venue (the wedding is open bar as well).  12:30 is still kind of early for our group so we were planning to continue the after party at the hotel where the guests will be staying. 

1) Is it weird to have two after partys?  Should we just cut out the one at the venue and only have one at the hotel?
2) Is it appropriate to have the after party at the hotel a cash bar?  I went to a wedding which was in a hotel and the afterparty was at the hotel bar and was a cash bar and I remember thinking it was so tacky.  I recently went to a wedding at a venue and then we had an afterparty at the hotel bar where we paid and I kind of thought it was normal so I am at a loss here!  We are trying to cut some costs so if we have to get rid of the after party we will but I wanted to check in and see if this was actually appropriate etiquette wise.  Would it be better if it wasn't official and we just say we are going to have drinks here when we get back- feel free to join if you are up for it?

misshart00

I think it's fine for people to pay for themselves at an after party when people are invited by word of mouth and its more casual. I wouldn't have it in the same room as your reception though. Then it gets tricky as to when your reception is vs. when the after party is. Someone correct me if I'm wrong because I'm not entirely sure of the etiquette on this one.

Maggie0829

I would just cut out the after party at your wedding venue and just go directly to the hotel.

You do not have to pay for the after party.  If you are just spreading the word that you and your FI will be at X place hanging out and grabbing a few drinks then you really aren't officially inviting anyone.  It is leaving it open for people to come if they want with them knowing that this isn't a hosted event and that the cost is on them.

But if you are planning on doing actual invites to the after party then yes you will have to host your guests and pay for their drinks and food.

For our wedding H and I talked to a few friends before hand and during the night about heading to a local bar for a few hours after the wedding.  About 20 of us went.  We all bought our own drinks and snacks.

Starfish1210

Thanks ladies!  Is it inappropriate to include it on the wedding website but not send an invitation?

NYCMercedes

What made one after party tacky and the other not tacky? They sound identical. What would differentiate the after party at your venue from your reception? It sounds like it is just a continuation of the reception. If you only spread by word of mouth that you are headed later to the hotel bar, then you have no responsibility to pay. Where your group parties beyond midnight normally, what time do you start? Is it 6:30 or later? I'm only asking as you're talking six hours already.

Starfish1210

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_after-party-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8ff52412-2e5b-47b0-8d7b-b920ec6c212cPost:3873634c-ed2c-420d-970c-f0a4d7321995">Re: After Party Questions</a>:
[QUOTE]What made one after party tacky and the other not tacky? They sound identical. What would differentiate the after party at your venue from your reception? It sounds like it is just a continuation of the reception. If you only spread by word of mouth that you are headed later to the hotel bar, then you have no responsibility to pay. Where your group parties beyond midnight normally, what time do you start? Is it 6:30 or later? I'm only asking as you're talking six hours already.
Posted by NYCMercedes[/QUOTE]

The after party at the venue (which is in a mansion) will be held in a room seperate to the actual reception and we were planning to get a cigar roller.  We would be paying for all food and drinks at this after party.  We wanted to make it an after party as opposed to adding an extra hour to the reception so that older guests would have the opportunity to leave if it was too late for them.

The after party at the hotel we were not planning to pay for.  We normally do start much later but given my experience at other weddings with my group of friends they plan to party all night.

Starfish1210

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_after-party-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8ff52412-2e5b-47b0-8d7b-b920ec6c212cPost:a88c7134-9b4c-4955-8cf7-534b50c914f8">Re:After Party Questions</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly if you aren't hosting it, I wouldn't put it on the website. Just spread the word casually and dont call it an after party. so there is no confusion about whether or not you are paying.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Awesome!  Thank you for your help :)

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_after-party-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8ff52412-2e5b-47b0-8d7b-b920ec6c212cPost:267d2128-3a62-4e8f-9805-a8cd08a2e44f">Re: After Party Questions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: After Party Questions : The after party at the venue (which is in a mansion) will be held in a room seperate to the actual reception and we were planning to get a cigar roller.  We would be paying for all food and drinks at this after party.  <strong>We wanted to make it an after party as opposed to adding an extra hour to the reception so that older guests would have the opportunity to leave if it was too late for them.</strong> The after party at the hotel we were not planning to pay for.  We normally do start much later but given my experience at other weddings with my group of friends they plan to party all night.
Posted by Starfish1210[/QUOTE]

They can do this even if you just added an extra hour to your reception.  At our wedding most of our older guests left right after we cut our cake (about 2 hours before our reception was set to be over with) because they just weren't into the "loud" music and "crazy" dancing us kids were doing LOL!

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_after-party-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8ff52412-2e5b-47b0-8d7b-b920ec6c212cPost:a88c7134-9b4c-4955-8cf7-534b50c914f8">Re:After Party Questions</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly if you aren't hosting it, I wouldn't put it on the website. Just spread the word casually and dont call it an after party. so there is no confusion about whether or not you are paying.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I agree with Stage. We've let people know by word of mouth that there is a bar at our hotel that will be open after the wedding. It's nothing official, nothing hosted, but anyone who wants to keep the night going can go. We may/may not join.

I think if it's written anywhere, it makes it seem like a hosted event.

Starfish1210

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_after-party-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8ff52412-2e5b-47b0-8d7b-b920ec6c212cPost:b57896f7-7551-496a-9fb1-079ba73c8523">Re: After Party Questions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: After Party Questions : They can do this even if you just added an extra hour to your reception.  At our wedding most of our older guests left right after we cut our cake (about 2 hours before our reception was set to be over with) because they just weren't into the "loud" music and "crazy" dancing us kids were doing LOL!
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

Haha!  Unfortunately, my parents are paying and they don't want to extend it.  I will keep trying to advocate for that though!