Wedding Etiquette Forum

OOPS!!

Did I make a mistake?   My mother is paying for the majority of the wedding.  My fiance's parents have offerd to help pay for part of the wedding (but never formally to my mother until after the invitations were ordered and they haven't actually contributed anything yet).  The invites were already sent out and they basically said that 'mother of bride requests your presence at marraige of [me] to [fiance]' with no mention of his parents.  MIL just called to say she was 'a little surprised' that their names weren't on there.  It didn't even occur to me at the time to put them on the invite... I apologized and she doesn't seem upset, but should we have worded the invites differently?

Re: OOPS!!

  • Whether your FI's parents gave you money towards the wedding or not they should have been mentioned on the invites. Or better yet, just "together with their parents".

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  • Whoever is hosting the wedding should be issuing (listed on ) the invitations.

    Are your FILS hosting the rehersal dinner?

    I feel bad that you MIL was expecting to see their names on the inviations I'm sure you didn't mean to hurt their feelings, but I probably would have done the same thing you did.

    What are the FILS paying for?  The flowers? the music? The photographer?  Those things don't TECHNICALLY make them the hosts...

    And the PP who said that you should have written "together with their families" is wrong.  Unless you are payingfor/ hosting your OWN wedding with minimal contributes from family, you wouldn't do it that way.

    You could have listed your FILS names after your FI and "son of"  but you don't see that too often...

    Oh well, what's done is done.  Just make sure that you keep her very involved and she doesn't feel marginalized during the planning process or the wedding itself. Be gracious and appreciative of her. Include her in any activities you can.


  • Get your head out of the 50's these are people she has to live with for the rest of her life. And the majority of people pay for their own weddings and still list their parents regardless of who's paying. I'd rather have a good relationship with my IL's.
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  • I would worry about it too much, as it seems your mom has taken the helm and what are you going to do, buy new inviatations, who's going to pay for those?
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  • Whats done is done.  Are they hosting the RD? If they are you can make invitations for those and word them so it is clear the FILS are hosting.  Or at the reception you can have some sort of thank you to your guests. It could be in a frame at the gift table, the cake table, at each table, etc.  It could say something like:

    Mr. and Mrs Bride's parents
    and
    Mr. and Mrs. Groom's parents

    thank you for celebrating the union of their children

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  • The invitations shouldnt' be a contest between the in-laws for all the guests to see who is paying for what and how much.

    You already sent out the invitations, so it's not like anything can be changed, anyway. You can make a public, verbal thank you at the RD or the wedding, itself.
    In my opinion, your FMIL shouldn't have said anything to you about it. But she says she isn't bothered, so hopefulyl nothing escalates. :)
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_oops-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:901868a6-0726-450f-b0dd-1c7fb6076f76Post:8e051276-666b-4055-8f3d-a5d7c7b90833">Re: OOPS!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Whats done is done.  Are they hosting the RD? If they are you can make invitations for those and word them so it is clear the FILS are hosting.  Or at the reception you can have some sort of thank you to your guests. It could be in a frame at the gift table, the cake table, at each table, etc.  It could say something like: Mr. and Mrs Bride's parents and Mr. and Mrs. Groom's parents thank you for celebrating the union of their children
    Posted by rknox88[/QUOTE]
    This. If you're worried about hurting their feelings, offer special recognition on the programs ("Reception hosted by ___"), or in the form of a picture, a generous mention in a toast, or somewhere else readily visible. <div>
    </div><div>The invites are already sent, so you can't change the past. Besides which, you can at least gently explain that they weren't listed on the invites because of the traditions of 1) The family paying the most being listed or 2) the bride's family being listed on the invites. Leaving them off may not have been intentional, but if it helps get you off the hook..!</div>
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