fmil issue

bridget4mcg

I adore my fmil, she is lovely woman. She wants me to send invitations to people she "knows" won't come to the wedding. Wouldn't a wedding announcement, after the fact, be more appropriate for those more distant relatives and friends? I have a deep fear of overinviting, assuming 10 will decline to attend, and then they all come...and my budget that I have do dutifully followed is wrecked.

bridget4mcg

Sorry for posting 3x mobile sometimes is finicky.

mbuckley85

Don't do it!  We have had more people say yes than we were expecting.  Not enough to cause a problem, but we originally had hoped for 175 people, then were hoping for 200 at the most.  It is looking like we may be over the 200 mark at this point and that really isn't what WE wanted.  

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmil-issue-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9053255b-3eee-4dc1-847a-22f2b7eb562bPost:6f1f9edd-40c2-46ba-86b2-0c1158788d9b">Re: fmil issue</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't do it!  We have had more people say yes than we were expecting.  Not enough to cause a problem, but we originally had hoped for 175 people, then were hoping for 200 at the most.  It is looking like we may be over the 200 mark at this point and that really isn't what WE wanted.  
Posted by mbuckley85[/QUOTE]

And that is why you should never over invite.

OP, you need to set your guest list at a certain number that both you, your FI and your budget is comfortable with.  Once that number is reached you stop inviting people.  You always have to prepare yourself for 100% attendance.

If your FMIL is not paying for the wedding then have your FI speak with her and let her know that you just cannot add any additional people to the guest list.  Also let her know that if she wishes to send out wedding announcement to friends and family that were not invited that she is more then welcome to.

Court7803

I had this same problem with my MIL. She had about 20 that "would prob not come" that she didn't count into her total number. We comprimised and I let her invite about 10 of the "not coming" ... 7 of them RSVP'd yes. I dont know what would have happened if I had let her convince me to invite all 20 of them. If it's not in your budget or you don't have the space to accomidate (that was my problem) then just polietly tell her you can't. She'll understand eventually.

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmil-issue-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9053255b-3eee-4dc1-847a-22f2b7eb562bPost:a58dcabc-fdee-4568-8eeb-7c21b5a0eaac">fmil issue</a>:
[QUOTE]I adore my fmil, she is lovely woman. She wants me to send invitations to people she "knows" won't come to the wedding. Wouldn't a wedding announcement, after the fact, be more appropriate for those more distant relatives and friends? I have a deep fear of overinviting, assuming 10 will decline to attend, and then they all come...and my budget that I have do dutifully followed is wrecked.
Posted by bridget4mcg[/QUOTE]

My friend's MIL did this to her.  She had about 25 distant relatives that were OOT and MIL insisted that these people "would never make the trip (but would send a gift!)."  My friend didn't stand up to MIL and added those people to the guest list.  Wanna guess what happened?  ALL 25 decided that it would be an, OMG GREAT TIME!! for a family reunion and RSVPed yes. 

You are correct about the appropriate course of action.

bridget4mcg

Thank you all for confirming! To put it in perspective our budget can allow for 150, 160 if I cut the flower budget a little. The email contained about 45 people. My fiancee agrees with me entirely. Thank God. And we're going to suggest announcements, after the fact.