Shower Thank You Cards

aral2003

I am one of four bridesmaids throwing a shower for the bride this weekend.  The MOH had the idea to buy Thank You cards and have all guests address them at the shower.  My initial thought is that this is very tacky and should not be done.  I feel that the guests are attending the shower and bringings gifts, and therefore, the bride (with the help of bridesmaids) should put forth the effort to write out the Thank You cards and address them.  Am I out of line for feeling this way?  

stillundecided4

You're not at all out of line for thinking this. My bridesmaids did this for me and I felt really awkward. But I must say, it was the most convient thing ever. I was even able to make sure I had the correct address for everyone for the invites. My guests also said how convient it was for me too, so I don't think anyone was offended by filling out their address.

I would try to avoid it though, since I did feel really weird about the whole situation.

aral2003

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-thank-cards?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:908ddbc0-fca3-4cd4-9f3a-cfffa5603d47Post:fe291c09-a174-4b66-a36f-aefb0cb9c884">Re: Shower Thank You Cards</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Shower Thank You Cards : Nope, you're right. Ole girl needs to suck it up and write her own TY notes. Without the BMs help. Because, you know, the BM's didn't get any gifts for which they would need to write TY notes.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

That is what I thought, but when I told the MOH this, she was like "Well 'bride' has so much going on, so I think this would be a nice thing to do for her."

angiebear11

This sounds extremely lazy and if I were a guest I'd be annoyed to have to address a thank you note to myself. 

aral2003

Any suggestions as to how I should approach the MOH about this?

[Deleted User]

That is very tacky. Invites to the bridal shower were already sent, so she should have their address. She just needs to buckle down and write them after the shower.

My hostess gave me a sheet with everyone's address written on it that rsvp'ed, so that definitely helped me when I wrote my TY's.

georgia_bride09

My gyno makes me fill out a card for them to send to remind me of my visit the following year.

This is what I would think of if I got a card in the mail written in my writing.

Tell the MOH if the bride's that hard up, that she can address all the envelops for her.

stillundecided4

Does the bride know about the shower? Can you ask her for her opinion on the situation? Just insist with the MOH it's tacky and will make the bride feel awkward. In the end, it's really not that hard or time consuming to address a thank you card.

nhelene

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-thank-cards?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:908ddbc0-fca3-4cd4-9f3a-cfffa5603d47Post:3aabd367-40a0-435f-a4af-5801f8acbf45">Re: Shower Thank You Cards</a>:
[QUOTE]You're not at all out of line for thinking this. My bridesmaids did this for me and I felt really awkward. But I must say, it was the most convient thing ever. <strong>I was even able to make sure I had the correct address for everyone for the invites.</strong> My guests also said how convient it was for me too, so I don't think anyone was offended by filling out their address. I would try to avoid it though, since I did feel really weird about the whole situation.
Posted by stillundecided4[/QUOTE]

My shower hosts passed out a small notebook and asked each guest to write their name and address on a new page.  Then as I opened gifts someone flipped through and wrote the name of the gift on the same page as the address.  That was a huge help to me, and (I think) it avoided the tack-factor.

jenb1205

I don't think it should be that hard for the bride to do her thank you notes.  All the shower guests should also be wedding guests, in which case she should have a big address list that she used for her invitations, right?  The MOH is right in her thinking that she'd be doing a favor, but it's a favor that would be looked on as rude and lazy by lots of her guests.  It's not that hard to address a thank you note in exchange for someone making the effort to come to your shower and bring a gift to celebrate your wedding.

And as to the cost doubling at the last minute, that sucks.  Sorry aral!  But maybe if you guys aren't purchasing the thank you notes to be used at the party, you'll have a little bit of cost savings

orangejulius

I went to a shower last Spring and the bridesmaids did this. They had us all address our own envelope upon arriving to the shower. I asked what we were doing this for and the MOH told me it's for the bride's TYs.  I thought it was very strange/rude/tacky/lazy...but, not wanting to cause a fuss, I  just smiled and said,  "oh that's convenient for the bride"....So, just because the guests appear to not care, doesn't mean they don't think it's poor etiquette. Maybe you could explain this to the MOH?

On and ending note, I was pleasantly surprised when I received my TY from the bride in her handwriting and not mine. Apparently, the bride thought it was strange/rude/tacky/lazy as well.

aral2003

Just received an e-mail from the MOH.  Instead of having the guests write their addresses on the Thank You cards, the bridesmaid who addressed the invitations is giving the bride labels with all guests' addresses on them.  I am sure the MOH is pissed at me for questioning her original plan, but whatever.   And the bride's mother offered to pay the additional expenses for the shower that just suddenly popped up.  Should be an interesting shower tomorrow.  Hopefully the MOH is not too stand-offish with me for questioning her plan. 

banana468

Well, the MOH sounds like a peach.  If she really wanted to save the bride time, why couldn't SHE address the TY notes since presumably, she has the addresses already?

FWIW, I think labels suck too but at least it isn't asking the guest to take part in making sure that they get a TY note.  Every time I see that it irritates me.  If the bride has so much going on that addressing an envelope is going to put her over the edge then just don't have the shower.

aral2003

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-thank-cards?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:908ddbc0-fca3-4cd4-9f3a-cfffa5603d47Post:2bb00f1a-6672-4750-8657-7d899d18f557">Re: Shower Thank You Cards</a>:
[QUOTE]FWIW, I think labels suck too but at least it isn't asking the guest to take part in making sure that they get a TY note.  Every time I see that it irritates me.  If the bride has so much going on that addressing an envelope is going to put her over the edge then just don't have the shower.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

I agree 100%.  I am not a fan of labels b/c it makes me think, wow, the bride could not take an extra 10 seconds to write my address to say "thank you."  But, it is better than having the guests write their own addresses on the envelopes, so I will take it. 

This has been a really "interesting" experience because I am in this bride's bridal party, and she is also part of mine.  However, whenever my MOH e-mails her about planning my shower or other little things , she snaps back that she has enough going on with her own wedding that she cannot be bothered with mine.  Plus she even sent me a nasty text message saying that we have been asking too much of her (all that has been asked is for her to call in her measurements for the dress and if she was available for the date of the shower).  Meanwhile, I have not even thought twice about putting myself out there to make sure her bachelorette party and shower are both special.  Plus, I have even gone with her to fittings when she asked me to be there for her.  I understand she is pregnant now, making her hormones a little crazy, but the rudeness towards me and my MOH has really become unacceptable. 

aral2003

there are definitely a couple things going on here....

well... the bride does easily get stressed out when she has more than one thing on her plate.  she has her wedding coming up, is seven weeks pregnant, works, and is trying to finish her master's degree this fall.  maybe I am taking things too personally, but it really is hurtful when she snaps at me for little things (like asking if she can call in her measurements before November and if she is available for the date of the shower), while in the meantime I am doing out of my way to make her wedding experience as wonderful as possible.