Oh, Dad...

AlmostMrsStrong

My father keeps trying to tell me that I should cut my guest list back in order to save money for a big, grand honeymoon. The wedding isn't even until 2012, and the honeymoon will be the following summer, so it's not like we don't have time to save money. I know how you ladies feel about even bothering to plan anything this far out, don't worry. The only thing we're worrying about is booking a reception site, so that we can secure our date and a price. One reception venue has gone up $300 from the time I e-mailed them in September to when I visited last week. We put together a very tentative guest list so we can include a number when requesting proposals, and most places I've been in touch with require a minimum of 150 people, anyway. I don't even want a huge princess fairytale wedding with all the bells and whistles. I just want something outdoorsy with tasty food, and for FI to show up and say "I do". Everything else is lagniappe.

How do I politely tell him that I don't want to exclude people for the sake of a nicer vacation?

cm42878

Is your father paying or are you and FI paying?

[Deleted User]

Yeah, telling us who is paying would help us answer your question.

Whoever pays has the say. Money = strings. If you and your FI are paying for it, then you just need to tell him that is not what you want and you will plan the wedding you and your FI can afford. If he is paying, well then, compromise is key.

But I do think you have quite a bit of time yet to be getting stressed out about all of the details. It sounds like you don't even have your venue booked yet. I definitely would get those things pinned down first before you even start working on the guest list, etc.

L-Bride

It's not something you have to discuss with him at all if he's not paying. If he is then it's his call. Congrats!

cherbein

I'm all for getting a tentative guest list or at least a ballpark number before looking for a venue.  The size of the wedding has a HUGE impact on the venue you pick.  You don't want to get a small cosy venue and then realize you can't fit everyone, or a huge one with a minimum requirement where you end up paying for much more than you need.  The "exact" list however would be impossible to pin down this far in advance.  That girl at work that you're real close to me transfer to another site and you may not talk to her for months, you may make a new friend that you really want to be there, or lose touch with people etc...

You do have TONS of time, so try to not let the stress set in this early.  If having the option of a bigger list is important to you, just try to talk to your dad.  Tell him something along the lines of having all your friends and family there to celebrate with you is more important to you than an extravagent honeymoon.

AlmostMrsStrong

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_oh-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:90952d94-1516-434a-b19e-1078cb46fdc7Post:68ac0332-9b29-492e-9b8d-236e2624da75">Re: Oh, Dad...</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I'm all for getting a tentative guest list or at least a ballpark number before looking for a venue.  The size of the wedding has a HUGE impact on the venue you pick.  You don't want to get a small cosy venue and then realize you can't fit everyone, or a huge one with a minimum requirement where you end up paying for much more than you need.</strong>  The "exact" list however would be impossible to pin down this far in advance.  That girl at work that you're real close to me transfer to another site and you may not talk to her for months, you may make a new friend that you really want to be there, or lose touch with people etc... You do have TONS of time, so try to not let the stress set in this early. <strong> If having the option of a bigger list is important to you, just try to talk to your dad. </strong> Tell him something along the lines of having all your friends and family there to celebrate with you is more important to you than an extravagent honeymoon.
Posted by cherbein[/QUOTE]

Both of these.

My dad will likely be paying for the bulk of it, but my mom and me + FI will also be contributing, and FI and I will likely be paying for the honeymoon solo.

It's not so much that he's trying to get me to cut down the list because he doesn't want to pay that much. The ways he is phrasing it sounds like he'd rather give me the money that he would have spent on additional people for FI and I to put towards the honeymoon. However, family alone for FI and I accounts for about 90 people, and we just barely got the list down to 150 after an initial list of 213 and a lot of painful cuts. To cut that down even further would mean excluding people that FI and I hold near and dear.

(SN: There has got to be a better way to write FI and I. I just realized I wrote it like four times.)


Edited: for dumb spelling mistakes

Beachy730

Just write "we."

Explain to your dad that you aren't concerned about having a big fancy honeymoon, and that you would rather spend your wedding day with everyone you love.  I would never think about cutting back on people we wanted at our wedding just to go on a better honeymoon.  H and I still haven't gone on a honeymoon, and are planning on going on a cruise in May.  But we are also trying to talk people into going with us too, so clearly the whole outrageously expensive and romantic honeymoon thing isn't a priority for us. 

AlmostMrsStrong

Thanks everybody. I'll try to get him to understand my point of view, but that might be like trying to convince a rock to become a ballerina. We'll see.