Ask or Wait for Offer

ftrmrsweatherdon

FI's best man's wife makes wedding cakes and we were kinda hoping she would make ours.

This summer I overheard her say that she's kind of getting out of it, but it was a conversation with other people, she didn't say this directly to either of us.

So, now I'm wondering what we should do. Last summer the Best man was the Best man in another wedding, and his wife seemed almost put off that they hadn't asked her to make the cake for their wedding. They did eventually and she did make it.

So now I'm stumped... Should I wait for her to offer or should I just ask her if she wants to make it? If I ask her, how do I bring it up?

s-aries8990

If she seems like she doesn't want to make cakes anymore, just don't ask her. Get someone who wants to make your cake and make you happy- whether its a friend, family or vendor.

Edit: I thought you said put off that they asked. Why don't you do dinner/drinks and bring up that you're searching for a baker? She'll either say "pick me" or suggest someone else

Maggie0829

Just ask her.  If she doesn't want to do it she will say no.  Do not wait for her to offer because 1) that is presumptuous of you to think that she is dying to make your wedding cake and 2) what if she never offers?

Also you only overheard a conversation.  I doubt you overheard the whole thing.  So stop assuming and just ask her if she would be willing to make your cake.  This isn't rocket science.

MyNameIsNot

I'm a little confused.  Are you planning to hire her, or are you hoping she'll offer to do it as a gift?  

ftrmrsweatherdon

I would never assume she'd make it for free. I would offer to pay her... how she responds would be her call.

AdeleDazeem

Just ask her!

We asked my husband's cousin to make the cake.  She used to be a professional baker.  I had every intention of asking "properly," ie - Would you like to do this?  You don't have to say yes.  We would be happy to pay you.  Unfortunately, my husband asked without my knowledge and said none of that.  He went with the "You used to do this so will you do this for us?" question.  I was mortified when I found out.

She made a gorgeous cake.  We thanked her with a very generous gift card to a yummy restaurant.  I still want to apologize for my husband's crass inquiry, though.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Say you're looking for a baker, you love her cake, and you were wondering what her prices and flavors are. If she says she's not really doing cakes anymore, ask if she recommends other bakers in the area.

achiduck

I agree with msmery - taking that approach allows her to tell you she's not doing cakes without it being awkward anymore or to accept and broach the payment subject.

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ask-or-wait-for-offer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:913cac6f-9e96-4fd1-9da4-678ebf40dd22Post:de93b752-069d-45e0-a6ee-1a2e30da1801">Re: Ask or Wait for Offer</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with msmery - taking that approach allows her to tell you she's not doing cakes without it being awkward anymore or to accept and broach the payment subject.
Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]

I also agree with this.  It communicates without being hurtful.

MrsGandthebeag

I wouldn't mix friendship and business.  I'd suggest you find a different baker.