Is this ok now?

lpstl

I've had multiple people in the past week ask me if I'm dilated. These people include my mom, my best friend, random people I work with, etc.

Maybe I have a stick up my ass, but wtf? I know I'm pregnant, I know I'm due soon, but that doesn't suddenly change the rules about asking about my lady parts.

Seriously, please tell me these people are crazy and I don't live in a society where it's ok to ask people at random about their cervix.

tlv204

I think normally it might be ok for a mom to ask this, but given what I know about your mom even that's weird

So....are you? j/k

crfische

People asked both of my SIL all the time, but mostly just people who have had babies, because I didn't know that was an option until you were like...in labor. Until I had these conversations with them.

sarah0725

Maaaaaaybe your mom, but other than that..... I don't ever ask anyone about their ladybits. I wouldn't even know the right questions to ask.

Nebb

Im pretty certain I would lose my shiit if anyone other than my husband or doctor asked me about my cervix. Thats just not cool.

tlv204

And ditto fishy. I didn't know until very recently that this was possible before actually giving birth. 

Also, I read the crotch care post you linked the other day. I don't know why.  I now have just enough information to keep me freaked out for the 3 years or so before we start trying to have kids.

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-ok-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:919ce2a3-4e4f-4df6-ad70-dee43feeae4fPost:1d3c6547-cfd2-47c0-8424-c6e98b9b610d">Re: Is this ok now?</a>:
[QUOTE]And ditto fishy. I didn't know until very recently that this was possible before actually giving birth.  Also, I read the crotch care post you linked the other day. I don't know why.  I now have just enough information to keep me freaked out for the 3 years or so before we start trying to have kids.
Posted by tlv204[/QUOTE]

Indeed.  It reinforced my decisioni to NOT have kids.

julezlee

How did you respond when they asked you?

louisvillebride21

I don't know, I'm super close with my best friend, so her or my mom asking me wouldn't bother me in the slightest. Anyone else would really bother me though.

katiewhompus

Ugh...I guess if people have had babies before it makes them feel connected...maybe...grasping for straws?

You should respond "yeah, want to see?" and then walk away as they turn red.

kd.joseph

I had people ask me all the time when I was pregnant. I personally would never ask a woman this. I know they're just curious to see if your getting close. But these are the same people who wanted to take pictures of my belly "hell NO".

jasmineh7777

People tend to ignore normal social boundaries when a woman is pregnant. I don't think it's okay.

[Deleted User]

I would be willing to bet that these are all women that have kids. You will be surprised how quickly you get comfortable telling people all about your lady parts once you go into labor and beyond.

Also, the amount you are dilated is an indicator of how close you are to popping the little one out (I'm sure you already know this), so it's likely that they aren't even thinking in literal terms of "Hey, LP. How much bigger is that gaping hole down there than it was yesterday?". It's more like "Hey, LP. How close are you to going into labor?".

LauraT25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-ok-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:919ce2a3-4e4f-4df6-ad70-dee43feeae4fPost:398ffa72-aeb2-4134-9f99-a74610962a8b">Re: Is this ok now?</a>:
[QUOTE]People tend to ignore normal social boundaries when a woman is pregnant. I don't think it's okay.
Posted by jasmineh7777[/QUOTE]

Just based on friends and co-workers who have been pregnant, I completely agree with this.  Nosy questions, strangers touching your stomach without asking...I don't think I will be very nice when I'm pregnant, I will snap at anyone who tries to pull that crap.

goheels05

KatieWhompus totally beat me to it.  I was going to say pull your pants down and ask them to check for you, and I bet they won't ask again.

louisvillebride21

Dude, if ANYONE other than H, my best friend or mom touch my stomach, I will flip the eff out on them. Or start rubbing their stomach. I have no personal boundary issues now, but you absolutely would not rub my stomach under normal circumstances, so why do you think you get a free pass now?

morainemom

Oh please say that they haven't asked if you have lost your mucus plug yet!

I can maybe see your Mom asking that but hell no to everyone else! That is just none of their business.

JessAndTrav

I can see your mom's curiosity, but not the co-workers.

That's inappropriate.

sucrets4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-ok-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:919ce2a3-4e4f-4df6-ad70-dee43feeae4fPost:a5f08dd0-07d4-422e-ad3f-77b01dd6311d">Re: Is this ok now?</a>:
[QUOTE]KatieWhompus totally beat me to it.  I was going to say pull your pants down and ask them to check for you, and I bet they won't ask again.
Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

Damn it.  I go to eat and you all take the fun response.

lpstl

You should respond "yeah, want to see?" and then walk away as they turn red.

Ha! Ok, I'm so doing this next time.

Yeah, tlv is dead on about my mom. She's BSC, we aren't very close, and I'm not about to discuss my nether regions with her.

Sorry I freaked people out with the crotch care post, but, in my defense, I did warn everyone in big red font that it was going to be scary.

As far as how I'm answering people now, I just tell them I don't know. Which is the truth. He's going to come when he's ready to come, my Dr isn't into shoving her whole arm up there so I can run around telling people I'm making progress. And, I'm pretty happy that's her stance on things.

RachNRich

So, lp, are you dilated? (just kidding!!)

In all seriousness, I'd be weirded out if someone asked me this--but, I'm not pregnant, nor have I been. I'd also be weirded out if/when people wanted to rub my belly....I think some things unfortunately come with the territory...and they all remind me of why I'm utterly afraid to have babies. 

janedoe1113a

People definitely cross social boundaries when someone is pregnant and it creeps me out.  I'm sure I'll probably knock the crap out of the first person who tries to rub my belly.

lpstl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-ok-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:919ce2a3-4e4f-4df6-ad70-dee43feeae4fPost:e9cf9c4c-6a55-42eb-a883-91b07cf34e94">Re: Is this ok now?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Oh please say that they haven't asked if you have lost your mucus plug yet!</strong> I can maybe see your Mom asking that but hell no to everyone else! That is just none of their business.
Posted by morainemom[/QUOTE]

If anyone asks me anything like that I will flip the fuuck out. I don't care if it's my mom. Not ok people. NOT OK.

Luckily I haven't had any strangers touch my belly, but I work really hard at looking like an incredibly unapproachable pregnant lady. I learned a couple months ago that if I even make eye contact with a stranger I'm bombarded with all sorts of questions, and it's obnoxious.

I do have a couple friends who will not keep their hands off my belly. One likes to poke it, like he's going to kick back or something like that. I started poking her stomach back, but she still doesn't get it.

I am so done with all this.

tlv204

Ha yeah I think the warning just made me want to read it more. I know it's my own fault.  Those are just the things that I haven't really thought about in regards to children.  And now it's all I can think about

Anyway I'm sure you hear this a bajillion times a day, but I'm so excited for you! I'm a little sad that we won't be at the exact same stage in life anymore, but that's ok. Maybe soonish I can finally drink with you!

katiewhompus

One of my friends pokes my belly now. Especially since I got off bc she'll poke it and go "is there someone in there yet".
She's been wanting me to get pregnant for 4 years now. Crazy child.

crfische

My sister in law needed to have an episiotomy.

Her after care was horrific. And apparently she thought I needed to know that.

saschaduran

I will NOT talk about my cervix.  When people talk about their cervixes my heart starts pounding and I get short of breath.  It seriously gives me anxiety.  Ever since I had my daughter.  It freaks me out enough that I now have a fear of being pregnant because of the exams and labor.  I have so much anxiety that I didn't even go to a gyno for over 4 years.   Bad idea.  Now I go, but have to take a half xanax...not sure how that will work when I get pregnant.

lpstl

Aww Sascha, I'm sorry. Look at it this way, you must have gotten all the bad labor luck out of the way with your daughter, so now if you go for it again you're kind of owed an awesome experience by the birthing gods . 

saschaduran

I hope so!  It should be quick since my first was pretty quick.  It actually wasn't the labor that was so bad...it was the pregnancy and the recovery.  I was very ill and on bed rest for 2 months.  I was hospitalized a few times.  But then again I was only 15.  I will say that I loved my baby bump and am excited to get one!  But I know it is not going to shrink as fast as it did last time.

I can't believe you are almost a mommy!!  So exciting!

janedoe1113a

I can't believe you're so close lp!