After reception etiquette Need advice

ginerika

My fiance and I are getting married in New Jersey, and the location of the reception is about 15 minutes away from Manhattan.  Recently, he suggested that after the wedding, we get a room in the Marriott Marquee in Manhattan to stay in for our wedding night. 

Now that I have a reservation in that hotel, he is suggesting that we get a ride with all of his new york friends back into the city.  I have friends and family coming from California and Texas.  I have already suggested to my out of towners to stay in a hotel in New Jersey the night of the wedding.  I dont think it would be right to get in a limo with a bunch of his friends who live in New York, and leave all my friends and family here, while we go party in New York without them.  I have suggested we take our own car and leave separately, so as to avoid conflict. 

Im looking for other suggestions, opinions, etc.  This is stressing me out!

Avion22

I really don't think it's any of your guests' business where you two head after the wedding reception, nor do I think they'll be hurt or upset if you don't stay at the same hotel they are staying at.  But I do agree with you that it would look weird for you to pile into a car with your New York friends to head back into the city.  I think taking your own car (if possible) is a better idea, assuming you'll have someplace to park it when you get to your hotel.

TheWeddingBunny

I agree.  What you do after the ceremony and the reception is your business.  However, I do think that piling into a car with the people from New York will give the guests the impression that these are the "important" guests.  So, I think the solution is to leave separately and go wherever the heck you want.

Kristin789

The bride and groom leave the reception first, and begin their honeymoon alone together. 

I have never heard of the bride and groom leaving the reception and then meeting up with friends to hit some bars, or whatever.

The Marquis is a very nice hotel.  But it's 15 minutes away from your reception location.  So you'll need to have the best man or your dad or someone driving the "get away car" when you and your groom leave the reception, and then take you to the Marquis.

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_after-reception-etiquette-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:919dbd61-f30a-4c7e-b138-75877bd4ee23Post:fc8af488-bf56-49b7-9d8b-0abd8fc55d90">Re: After reception etiquette Need advice</a>:
[QUOTE]The bride and groom leave the reception first, and begin their honeymoon alone together.  I have never heard of the bride and groom leaving the reception and then meeting up with friends to hit some bars, or whatever. The Marquis is a very nice hotel.  But it's 15 minutes away from your reception location. <strong> So you'll need to have the best man or your dad or someone driving the "get away car" when you and your groom leave the reception, and then take you to the Marquis.</strong>
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

<div>Or they can just drive themselves.</div>

daffydillie

Several weddings ago the bride and groom piled into our car and we went club hopping. They did not take off into the sunset until the next day because they were tired and just wanted to party. Their reception was over "early" at 11p and they still wanted to party. No one thought ill of it. But they did tell everyone where we were headed, it just so happened we were the only ones sober and able to drive everyone to the part of town we were heading.

Spunky414

As a New Yorker, I wouldn't think anything of it. Tolls and parking are way expensive and my circle regularly car pools for anything outside the city.

melisrodis

If I were one of the friends who had come a long way to go to your wedding, I would feel pretty left out if I found out you were heading into Manhattan with a bunch of your NY friends.  I agree with PPs.  Find a way to travel separately, even if it does cost a little more.
Plus, you'll get some teaser alone time with the new hubby before getting to the hotel.  Even better!

SLC5885

I'm surprised you've never heard of anyone having an "after party." I've been to several weddings where the bride and groom go out to a bar or to an area in the hotel after. After the stress of the wedding, it's a good time for the bride and groom to finally relax, have a few drinks and hang out with their really close friends and family. We're inviting everyone back to our hotel bar after the reception, which is across the street from our hall. Then we'll just have to go upstairs to start our honeymoon

KellyBrian2013

In Response to Re:After reception etiquette Need advice:[QUOTE]The bride and groom leave the reception first, and begin their honeymoon alone together.nbsp; I have never heard of the bride and groom leaving the reception and then meeting up with friends to hit some bars, or whatever.The Marquis is a very nice hotel.nbsp; But it's 15 minutes away from your reception location.nbsp; So you'll need to have the best man or your dad or someone driving the "get away car" when you and your groom leave the reception, and then take you to the Marquis. Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

How's life in the 1940s? We left our reception last because our hotel stopped running the shuttle as soon as we got on it... we also met up with people at the hotel bar for a few beers before going to bed. We had lunch with DH's OOT family the day after our wedding and went to the Renn Faire with mine on the following day. We didn't leave for our honeymoon for a full week. OP drive seperately and let everyone know that there will be an after party at XYZ if they'd like to join... let them decide what to do. Or just don't say anything, but definitely don't just pile into a car with a select group of friends.

mbody

I don't see anything wrong with designating a place to go party after your reception. However, to avoid any hurt feelings, I'd just let everyone know ahead of time. Let your out-of-towners decide where they want to stay. Maybe some will join the after party and stay in NY too.

Meegles4

We had an after party, too. We also were among the last to leave our reception.

But, we also stayed at the hotel our guests were at. I might feel offended if I were your friend and you decided to stay somewhere else like the Marriott Marquee (which I've stayed at and agree it's very nice). I'd probably wish I was staying there too! So, I think leaving on your own is the right idea. If one of you two can't drive, can you arrange for a cab or private car to take you?

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_after-reception-etiquette-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:919dbd61-f30a-4c7e-b138-75877bd4ee23Post:fc8af488-bf56-49b7-9d8b-0abd8fc55d90">Re: After reception etiquette Need advice</a>:
[QUOTE]The bride and groom leave the reception first, and begin their honeymoon alone together.  I have never heard of the bride and groom leaving the reception and then meeting up with friends to hit some bars, or whatever. The Marquis is a very nice hotel.  But it's 15 minutes away from your reception location.  So you'll need to have the best man or your dad or someone driving the "get away car" when you and your groom leave the reception, and then take you to the Marquis.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

H and I were LAST to leave our reception and while he slept off the immense amount of alcohol he consumed during the reception (with my Mom watching TV next to him to make sure he was ok), I proceeded to meet up with friends at a local bar to continue the party.  I am sure you are gasping and clutching your pearls to your chest right now.

OP, as others have said, what the bride and groom do after the wedding is of no importance to all of your guests.  As long as you hosted them well during your event then you are fine.  If you and your H want to continue celebrating in Manhattan after the wedding is over then do it.

ginerika

Re MeeGles4:   The hotel that my guests are staying at is also the hotel where I work.  I didnt want to spend my wedding night at my place of work, but I also provided my wedding guests with an extremely good deal.  They are paying 1/3rd of the cost of the hotel to stay there.  And it is a very very nice place to stay.  It is also 15 minutes from the city, and public transportation is my main form of transport.  I think we will probably rent a zipcar or I will hire a driver.  Then we will suggest people to meet us in the city to party 

rachelm13

Being a NYer I definitely get it.  I agree with PP with it's cool to do the after party wherevs, just let everyone know and definitely take sep transportation if you can help it.  The issue you may run into is getting everyone TO the same bar and IN to the same bar... traffic, annoying bouncers, private parties etc.  You may want to pick a bar ahead of time do an approximate head count and see if they will accommodate you and maybe they can offer you and your guests a "deal"?  Not like you will need more alcohol, ( ahahah maybe/maybe not) but some places will let you have a large crew for $25 a person for 2 hours all you can drink... then let the NY guests pass along the info by word of mouth.