garter toss, bouquet toss?

clairesmommy418

My fiance and I already have a daughter together. Should we do a garter toss and bouquet toss? I say no he says yes. Opinions??

hoffse

I personally think they're awkward beacuse it draws attention to the single folks.  We're doing a variation where the married couples are invited to dance, and the one married the longest gets the bouquet and garter.  We think it will probably be my grandparents, so it's a bit of a setup, my grandma is so excited about it that we decided we didn't care  Anyway, it sure beats having the non-married people be forced to stand up.  I had to stand up at a wedding in December, and I was getting married in 4 months.  But the DJ was ragging on me so I didn't feel like I had any choice.

CallaLily25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_garter-toss-bouquet-toss?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:92f6ac50-dd6e-40d0-aa45-6f42e7cf1efdPost:fd4e0dca-987e-4a5a-9f2d-0e7c4b155fed">garter toss, bouquet toss?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I already have a daughter together. Should we do a garter toss and bouquet toss? I say no he says yes. Opinions??
Posted by clairesmommy418[/QUOTE]

They're definitely not mandatory. It doesn't matter if you already have a daughter together, though. If you like the tradition, go for it! If you think it's cheesy, skip it.

Simply Fated

I think the garter toss tradition has lost its path even if you didnt have a daughter. Does the bouquet toss have the same tradition roots? Either way, if you want to do them, do them. If not, then don't. I wouldn't worry so much about the root of the traditions.

misssunshine17

It has nothing to do with having a daughter.

I'm personally not doing it because I think it makes single people uncomfortable and that's not something I want to do to my guests.

Salsera29

I had never thought about this until my sister got married. Then I watched her husband stick his head up her dress in front of our grandparents (and all the children that were at the wedding). It was awkward. Although single at the time, I vowed this would never happen when I got married. It is totally fine not to do either, and I'm going to second the PP who said that your guests will probably be relieved!

Summer2011Bride

It has nothing to do with having children. It's up to you both if you want to do them or not. Could you compromise and do but not the other so you are both happy?

ETA: And for the tosses in general, I think this is one of those things where I do agree with saying "You have to know your audience." Just like the married couples dance may not be best with a group with a lot of divorced couples or a situation when many widows,widowers are present, you have to know the people who are attending and how they'd feel.  We did them because we each had friends that were genuinely excited about them (talking weeks ahead of time about how they were going to catch it, etc). We didn't pressure any single people to come out on the floor for it and we didn't make the garter toss trashy. We had a lot of people voluntarily come out for it and have a good time being silly with it.

cmacch

I went to FI's coworker's wedding a few months ago (was not yet engaged at the time) and caught the bouquet.  I ran back to my table, pretty pleased with myself, until they started the garter toss which in my drunken stupor I completely forgot existed.  FI refused to go up and try to catch it so I wound up with a random stranger groping my leg. It was SO awkward/embarrassing/mortifying.  For this reason I will not be doing a garter toss. 

libby2483

In Response to Re:garter toss, bouquet toss?:[QUOTE]It has nothing to do with having children. It's up to you both if you want to do them or not. Could you compromise and do but not the other so you are both happy?ETA: And for the tosses in general, I think this is one of those things where I do agree with saying "You have to know your audience." Just like the married couples dance may not be best with a group with a lot of divorced couples or a situation when many widows,widowers are present, you have to know the people who are attending and how they'd feel.nbsp; We did them because we each had friends that were genuinely excited about them talking weeks ahead of time about how they were going to catch it, etc. We didn't pressure any single people to come out on the floor for it and we didn't make the garter toss trashy. We had a lot of people voluntarily come out for it and have a good time being silly with it. Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]


Ditto. We have lots of single frinds and cousins, and many people mentioned it ahead of time. We also went to another friend's wedding a few months before ours, and many people commented negatively on the fact that the couple skipped these things. So they are popular in our circle. We did it and it was a big hit with our crowd. It's not right for every couple or crowd, though, so feel free to skip it if its not your thing.

hoffse

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_garter-toss-bouquet-toss?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:92f6ac50-dd6e-40d0-aa45-6f42e7cf1efdPost:c8dc9c57-2273-4f76-8afd-10763c1fea70">Re: garter toss, bouquet toss?</a>:
[QUOTE]It has nothing to do with having children. It's up to you both if you want to do them or not. Could you compromise and do but not the other so you are both happy? ETA: And for the tosses in general, I think this is one of those things where I do agree with saying "You have to know your audience." Just like the married couples dance may not be best with a group with a lot of divorced couples or a situation when many widows,widowers are present, you have to know the people who are attending and how they'd feel.  We did them because we each had friends that were genuinely excited about them (talking weeks ahead of time about how they were going to catch it, etc). We didn't pressure any single people to come out on the floor for it and we didn't make the garter toss trashy. We had a lot of people voluntarily come out for it and have a good time being silly with it.
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Agree completely.  Somehow in a guestlist of 325 we only have 4 couples who have a member who has been divorced, 2 of them aren't coming, and the 2 that are coming have been remarried for more than 10 years.  We also have nobody who has been widowed in the last 15 years.  So we feel pretty confident that a married couples dance will work for us.  A bouquet toss for singls wouldn't work as well, because it's a point of frustration and embarassment for most of our friends who are single, and they would not be excited to stand up and basically announce their status.  So yeah this is definitely a know your audience moment as well.

</div>

mlg78

The garter toss makes me cringe.  Actually, not so much the toss but the garter-retrieval.  I'm NOT a prude...but there's a time and a place for everything and some garter "retrievals" I've seen have horrified me.   

I always hit the bar during the bouquet toss, even when I'm single.  Needless to say, we're not "tossing" either.

manjermj

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_garter-toss-bouquet-toss?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:92f6ac50-dd6e-40d0-aa45-6f42e7cf1efdPost:1b29e8dd-06d2-4d98-8df0-25b68241ea3d">Re:garter toss, bouquet toss?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:garter toss, bouquet toss?: Ditto. We have lots of single frinds and cousins, and many people mentioned it ahead of time. We also went to another friend's wedding a few months before ours, and many people commented negatively on the fact that the couple skipped these things. So they are popular in our circle. We did it and it was a big hit with our crowd. It's not right for every couple or crowd, though, so feel free to skip it if its not your thing.
Posted by libby2483[/QUOTE]

<div>Same here! My family and friends love this! If someone didn't want to participate they didn't have to. But we still had about 25 girls and 15 guys voluntarily go up. It definitely would have been missed if we had not done it. </div>

FutureMrsMDJahnke

We did the tosses, and we had huge groups come up. That being said, we are 24 and not many of our friends are married. People really seemed to enjoy them. However we did NOT do the thing where the garter catcher has to put the garter on the bouquet catcher. I've actually never seen that, but I feel like it would be awfully awkward. I agree with PPs that say you have to know your crowd. How much say has your fi had in the wedding planning process? If my husband was insistent on something for the wedding I generally gave it to him, because I did make MOST of the decisions.

loca4pook

It's totally up to you, but definitely know your crowd, as well

I have like 2 single women total that I expect at my wedding. I wouldn't dare do that to them...If you know you have tons of single people and don't mind it, go for it..but if you hate it and know there isn't alot of single people, skip it..no biggie either way

Ashes_3

We did the tosses, but we invited everyone onto the floor and had lottery tickets attached on the bouquet and garter. Kind of different, fun for all who wanted to participate. No going up the dress or anything. Our minister who married us caught the garter. He won on one of the scratch off tickets.

wittykitty14

We're definitely not doing the garter thing.  It's awkward enough just to have it retrieved, but having who caught the bouquet meet with who caught the garter is really awkward.  My friends did this for their wedding, and one of her bridesmaid's caught the bouquet.  She was engaged (and forced up there), and her FI couldn't make it to the wedding, so some random guy who caught the garter put in on her leg.  Everyone could tell how uncomfortable she was, and I felt really bad.  I'm friend's with another couple who got married last summer, and went up there to catch the bouquet.  There were A LOT of young (18-21 year olds) up there (the couple is very young), and it was kind of a rowdy bunch.  One girl wanted to catch the bouquet so badly, that she actually knocked me over.  I wasn't exactly pleased.

I've seen a variety of things, so I would recommend doing only what you feel comfortable with.  Take your guest list into account as well.  I think the previous suggestion about a couple's dance is wonderful!  I may do it myself!  But you'd have to examine the list to see if it's appropriate.  I don't think that having a child is a reason not to do the garter and/or bouquet toss.  Your wedding is a celebration! Do whatever reflects you as a couple!

TerriHugg

I wasn't going to do it but it seems like everyone coming to the wedding wants us to.

Plus, I caught the bouquet at my cousin's wedding and 3 months later I was engaged so I guess it might work for some people!

arrippa

I think it's a personal decision. I know that I wouldn't but that's because the last wedding I went to, I was single and the bride actually called me by name and told me to go up.  But the thing that reallly got me was her 16 year old sister caught the bouquet and their 30 something year old uncle caught the garter. Watching him put it on her twice (the DJ made them redo it since he didn't think it was convincing enough) was enough to make me glad that I was sitting next to the open bar to try to block it out. It was one of the most awkward and cringe inducing moments at a wedding (and I have a ton of bad wedding stories).

Pookieson

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_garter-toss-bouquet-toss?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:92f6ac50-dd6e-40d0-aa45-6f42e7cf1efdPost:09c91a56-3e4e-4d90-be70-55d1db67a557">Re: garter toss, bouquet toss?</a>:
[QUOTE]I personally think they're awkward beacuse it draws attention to the single folks.  We're doing a variation where the married couples are invited to dance, and the one married the longest gets the bouquet and garter.  We think it will probably be my grandparents, so it's a bit of a setup, my grandma is so excited about it that we decided we didn't care :)  Anyway, it sure beats having the non-married people be forced to stand up.  I had to stand up at a wedding in December, and I was getting married in 4 months.  But the DJ was ragging on me so I didn't feel like I had any choice.
Posted by hoffse[/QUOTE]

We are doing the same thing...so obviously, I totally agree with you :)

kipnus

I hate garter tosses. We just did a bouquet toss.

LisaA2014

I've done time at plenty of wedding for the bouquet toss. I don't find it embarrassing for being singled out for being single. As far as being embarassed to have the guy that catches the garter put it on, here's an idea if you don't want that just don't catch it!

Peledreamsofrain

I think they are cute traditions as long as they are handled with class, and as long as the people who catch the items aren't forced to have intimate contact (the tradition of the dude putting the garter on the lady horrifies me).

My husband blushed badly enough even though all I exposed was up to my mid-calf, and he reached under (no head under).  I think he would have had a stroke making any further spectacle.

The really cute and fun part is that the girl who caught the bouquette got engaged to the guy who cauight the garter within two months of our wedding!  We're attending their wedding this September.  It's so cliche I could die! :P

TKzilla

I never heard about the person who caught the garter putting on the person who caught the bouquet until I came here. That sounds really really awkward.

FI wants to do the garter toss and I don't really care either way. I told him we could put the garter on a football and play the song from Monday Night Football (Hank Jr's "All My Rowdy Friends) or something similar to make it fun. I'm going to try not to limit it to just single people, but to anyone who wants to come play along. We're a pretty competitive bunch, too. I've considered having "prizes" for whoever catches the garter and bouquet - something like movie passes? I don't know. Just to change it up a bit.

nicoleandersonmd

In Response to Re:garter toss, bouquet toss?:[QUOTE]I don't think the fact that you have a daughter should influence your decision. However I do think that the tradition of thenbsp;garternbsp;toss is terrible. Every one I have witnessed has been at best awkward and slightly pointless and at worst horrifyingly trashy.nbsp;I'm personally not a huge fan of the bouquet toss, many single women don't appreciate having their singleness pointed out to a room of people, but I see no reason why you can't have one just because you have a kid.nbsp;ETA: I also don't like cake smashing or conga lines. I'm basically thenbsp;ebenezer scrooge of wedding receptions, so you may want to take what I say with a grain of salt. Posted by HoorayForSoup[/QUOTE]


Haha. That doesn't sound Scroogey at all to me!! But then again, I also don't like the bouquet toss, garter toss, cake smashing or conga lines.....so I may be biased... :p