(Maybe) Unusual Bridal Shower Problem

ckollstedt

Hello ladies, I'm hoping you can help me with this one.  I'll try to keep it short:

MOH offered to plan a shower for me.  We decided the date, basic ideas for what to do, and the date (May 7).  That was the last I heard about it, because brides aren't supposed to plan their own showers, right?

This week, my mother called to ask me about times and location for the shower, because she hasn't heard anything yet.  I tried to get in touch with MOH, but she hasn't responded regarding the shower.... I tried calling other bridesmaids to see if they have details, but they weren't even informed of the shower date (let alone time and place).  So far, no one has received any info and it's three weeks out from the shower.  

If this shower doesn't happen, its not going to be the end of the world for me.  But, the bridesmaids I talked to said "of course you're going to have a shower!!! We'll plan it without MOH."  I'm really touched that they offered, but I'm wondering if three (or less) weeks out is too late to plan / send invites to a shower...?

Any thoughts?  Advice?  Should I just send my guest list to the bridesmaids that offered to help?  What should I do about MOH?  

Thanks in advance for all your help!

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_maybe-unusual-bridal-shower-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:932e9b79-606a-4402-86d4-547b5e1f0836Post:25454224-f3da-462a-a707-93041ac9a225">(Maybe) Unusual Bridal Shower Problem</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello ladies, I'm hoping you can help me with this one.  I'll try to keep it short: MOH offered to plan a shower for me.  We decided the date, basic ideas for what to do, and the date (May 7).  That was the last I heard about it, because brides aren't supposed to plan their own showers, right? This week, my mother called to ask me about times and location for the shower, because she hasn't heard anything yet.  I tried to get in touch with MOH, but she hasn't responded regarding the shower.... I tried calling other bridesmaids to see if they have details, but they weren't even informed of the shower date (let alone time and place).  So far, no one has received any info and it's three weeks out from the shower.   If this shower doesn't happen, its not going to be the end of the world for me.  But, the bridesmaids I talked to said "of course you're going to have a shower!!! We'll plan it without MOH."  I'm really touched that they offered, but I'm wondering if three (or less) weeks out is too late to plan / send invites to a shower...? Any thoughts?  Advice?  Should I just send my guest list to the bridesmaids that offered to help?  What should I do about MOH?   Thanks in advance for all your help!
Posted by ckollstedt[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Shower invites should go out around 4 weeks, but I've heard of them going out at 2 weeks.  As the bride, just sit back and wait for them to ask you for your guest list.  Don't just send it without them asking, because that seems pushy.

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Milsey32

If BMs throw it for you, why do you have to keep the same date? 

wrdgirl

I would just let them do their thing.  If they ask then give them what they need. Otherwise just do nothing.  Hope all goes well!

mm4662

Are you close enough with the Maid of Honor that you could just ask her what the deal is?

If she isn't getting back in touch with you, I'd have your other bridesmaids plan it because that was sweet of them to offer. Maybe you could push it back a week or two?

Mine is on May 7th also and we sent out invites early because it is also mother's day weekend.

Good luck!

sarah0725

If it turns out that nothing has actually been reserved for May 7, could you push it back a few weeks? Might give you a little more time - also, PP has a good point that it is Mother's Day weekend, so a lot of people might already have plans.

Also, I think you're fine talking to your BMs about the guest list and such, since they have already broached the topic of the shower.

kmmssg

two issues:

1.  MOH is not responding.  Let's tackle this one first.  Can just go to her in person and check on her?  Maybe something is wrong and she isn't sharing.  The flip side of that coin is that she can't afford to do a shower for you and is embarassed.  See if she is ok, and if she is, talk to her about the shower.  You can open the door by saying "I wanted to get together because you haven't let me know what size shower you are planning.  I want my guest list to be appropriate to your plans."  That will open the door and you can navigate the rest of the conversation.

If she can't afford it, you need to make very sure that however this is handled, it doesn't embarass her.  That could easily happen if the BM's just take the ball and run with it.

I'm really thinking she is having some kind of issue here and doesn't want to tell you.

2. If she has nothing together yet, I would not be going with the shower date 3 weeks from now.  She will feel pressured, it will be thrown together, possibly more than she can afford if she is having money problems,  and there will be disappointment.  Your shower can still be bumped a solid 2 weeks forward with no issues.

The sticky part for you is checking on her, discussing the shower with no heavy expectations (which I feel is entirely appropriate in this case, and then not putting your self in the middle of things for the rest of planning.

You don't sound like an entitled bridezilla who has ridiculous expectations.  You just want to know about plans for something that someone else offered.  Watch out for her feelings and pride and you will be fine.

BTW - this MOB was once an Ohio girl herself!  Congrats.

iamjoesgurl

I think it is best as the bride to not be involved.  If people (like your mom) ask about it, I would just say that you have not been told anymore about it.  If your other bridesmaids want to throw a shower for you, they can take the initiative to do so.

ckollstedt

Thanks for all the help, ladies!  I think the most important thing right now is touching base with MOH.  I'll try to work out a time to talk with her face to face to make sure she's okay.  

It makes sense that if my other bridesmaids are planning the shower, it doesn't have to be at the beginning of May.  But, the next possible shower date (because of weekend job stuff) would be the first weekend in June.  Is this too close to my wedding date (June 25)?

I have to admit, I was a little nervous about posting this question.... I've seen other brides get torn apart for posting about showers that they expected to get, and I was worried I'd get lectured too.  Thank you for taking the time to read through my entire post and give thoughtful advice!

cara91997

I think it's fine to talk to the MOH about the shower. She brought it up to you and picked a date, etc so it's not like you are asking for something. If you feel funny about it since it's in your honor, are any of your other BM's close to your MOH? Could one of them possibly call her and say something like, "Hey, are you still planning the shower for May 7th? We are all willing to help, would you like to get together to discuss it?" Technically, it's not the MOH's job to plan one but if she already offered then I say it's  fine to bring it up nicely.

It sounds like there is some sort of issue or misunderstanding here. If she already said May 7th and no invitations have gone out then I would say it probably won't happen May 7th. She would still need to get all your names, addresses, etc and that is a lot of work with too little notice, especially if it's Mother's Day weekend.

artbyallie

The first weekend in June is fine for a shower for a late June wedding. Showers can be any time in the 2 months or so before the wedding.