Is this rude?

brebe44

My Fiancee and i want a small ceremony,  Like close friends and family at the ceremony, and at the reception have everyone and their friend and have a good time and party and such. I know i will have a lot of problems when it comes to inviting friends, we havent put a guest list together yet, its only been about 5-6 weeks since we've been engaged, But i know im gonna go through the 'why did you invite them and not me' BS and I honestly dont have many close friends so i just prefer to have a tiny ceremony  and then go have fun with everyone. So my question is; Is it rude to invite people to the reception but not really the ceremony? and if no, How do I go about it without being rude? please and thanks!

sierraberry32

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-rude-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93d92eaa-cbf0-4c36-ac87-5119a4246d79Post:4bd5eeb4-7c46-4aca-9d28-b1c60c408047">Is this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]My Fiancee and i want a small ceremony,  Like close friends and family at the ceremony, and at the reception have everyone and their friend and have a good time and party and such. I know i will have a lot of problems when it comes to inviting friends, we havent put a guest list together yet, its only been about 5-6 weeks since we've been engaged, But i know im gonna go through the 'why did you invite them and not me' BS and I honestly dont have many close friends so i just prefer to have a tiny ceremony  and then go have fun with everyone. So my question is; Is it rude to invite people to the reception but not really the ceremony? and if no, How do I go about it without being rude? please and thanks!
Posted by brebe44[/QUOTE]

 I know in some cultures, only family is allowed to the ceremony, but anyone can come to the reception. It really depends on what you want to do...

ginadog

Etiquette wise, people feel it's OK only if you stick to immediate family (parents, siblings, their SOs).  Some say keep it under 20, but I don't know if that's an actual rule of etiquette.

How many do you have on the list for the ceremony?  And then the reception?

Gustafson28

The ceremony needs to be immediate family only if you want to have the type of reception you are describing. Also, those invited to the reception need to be properly hosted; real food if it's around a meal time, etc. You can do just those who attended the ceremony for dinner but please don't invite some additional people to dinner and then more people for the reception. This would make I tiered. If you do just family for the ceremony though your plan sounds fine.

lauralaur

From my own personal perspective, I've never understood the strong desire to celebrate with me over something I wasn't invited to. It just rubs me the wrong way.

But, again, that's just me. I think to avoid the BS you need to keep the ceremony guest list small, small, small.

MrsGandthebeag

What's the point of having a small ceremony and a large reception?

arendiva

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-rude-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93d92eaa-cbf0-4c36-ac87-5119a4246d79Post:2d15b6c2-bb8d-49cd-a1c8-cdd4b330b887">Re: Is this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]What's the point of having a small ceremony and a large reception?
Posted by MrsGandthebeag[/QUOTE]

I've always wondered this. I was invited to a wedding like this once and I was offended. I would have liked to have seen the ceremony.

hccpsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-rude-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:93d92eaa-cbf0-4c36-ac87-5119a4246d79Post:31a0fd27-2ce9-447a-a38c-6481eb94e5fb">Re: Is this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is this rude? : I've always wondered this. I was invited to a wedding like this once and I was offended. I would have liked to have seen the ceremony.
Posted by arendiva[/QUOTE]

We had only our parents at a DW, and then a reception a month later.  Neither DH or I like attending ceremonies, and DH doesn't like being the center of attention.  We didn't want people to feel obligated to spend money to travel to a wedding because they felt they "had" to attend (like our siblings who live far away and for whom money is extremely tight).  This way they could attend the reception if they wished, but not feel guilty if they didn't have the funds or desire to do so.

ginadog

"What's the point of having a small ceremony and a large reception?"

I think the top reasons are:

a) a couple doesn't want to recite personal vows in front of a crowd; they consider it a very intimate event;

b) the couple wants to recite their vows at a location that is not conducive for tons of guests (I'm thinking of a far off destination or a mountain top or something outdoors).


There is nothing wrong with that at all!

brebe44

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-rude-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93d92eaa-cbf0-4c36-ac87-5119a4246d79Post:0a9319f1-e15f-4793-b022-443d612e8a6a">Re:Is this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is this rude?: This is how we wanted our wedding. I'm pretty shy and the thought of all those eyes on me is anxiety inducing. Neither of us like being the center of attention. That walk down the aisle is not something I'm personally looking forward to.
Posted by Sleeper2013[/QUOTE]


yeah thats pretty much our reason, I have really bad anxiety problems. lol

OwningAHome1981

Where are you having this ceremony? FYI churches are open to the public and anyone can attend.