Wedding Etiquette Forum

Divorce Parents Dispute

The grooms parents are divorced and the father is very controlling. With that, at the previous marriage of the grooms brother and sister in-law the father was very upset that he had to sit in the same pew as the ex-wife. So upset that he stood in the back of the church on the brides side. We are trying to be open minded to everyones feelings, though we can't make everyone happy. We were told by the grooms stepmother that his father would really appricate being asked "where he would like to sit" on the day of the ceremony. Here is the catch, the grooms mother paid of the ceremony at the church and knowing how controlling the father is, he is going to want to sit in front of her. What should we do? What is the proper etiquette in this case and how should the parents come down the isle? Who should be first, second... and who should sit where?

Re: Divorce Parents Dispute

  • I'm not sure about them coming down the aisle.  I would assume his father would go first, then the mother.  Then the brides parents.  Not positive though.

    I wouldn't ask him where he wants to sit.  I would just tell him that you have arranged it so he won't be sitting with his ex-wife.  If he is at the rehearsal, then the priest or whoever is performing your ceremony will probably tell him where to sit and it won't be your issue. 

    I think thats really immature of him to stand in the back at his child's wedding just so he wasn't next to his ex.  Good luck with that!

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  • Proper etiquette is for the dad to stop acting like a 7th grader.  But it sounds like that isn't possible.

    Can you talk to both of his parents and see how they feel?  Ultimately, I'd want to have both of my parents in the front pew.  In fact, they will be and they are divorced.
  • The groom's mother sits in the first row

    Her husband and SO (wife or GF) sit behind her.

  • to clarify

    Father or the groom is seated before the mother but in this case in the second row (with his current wife0

    The MOG is escorted to her seat after him but is seated in the first row.
  • His father/step-mother should be seated first, in the second row.  The groom's mother & SO should be seated after that, in the first row.

    However, if he's going to be a turd about it. . .

    Honestly, I'd tell him he can sit on the other end of the front row, or in the second row.  Those are his choices.  And if he can't grow up for 20 minutes on a day when he's not the center of attention anyway, then he can just stand in the back and embarass himself.

    But, how's your church configured?  Any chance you've got two aisles?  If so, why not seat the bride's family in the center, and split the groom's family/friends in half in the outer sections?  Then they can both be in the front row, although not the same pew. 
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  • Best of luck!

    My parents are divorced.  They had a bitter divorce 15 years ago. 
    They're over it, though.  If they weren't, and stomped their feet like this, I would sedate them against their will.

    I hope everything gets worked out at the rehearsal so this won't be on your mind on your wedding day.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_divorce-parents-dispute?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:945c989c-6d1b-4207-a938-1eced13d9796Post:351c9a5f-8ce3-4b9a-9139-7b26de7a32ed">Re: Divorce Parents Dispute</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Proper etiquette is for the dad to stop acting like a 7th grader.  But it sounds like that isn't possible.</strong> Can you talk to both of his parents and see how they feel?  Ultimately, I'd want to have both of my parents in the front pew.  In fact, they will be and they are divorced.
    Posted by Steph0871[/QUOTE]

    Love this.

    To OP - Hope everything goes well for you.
    Anniversary
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_divorce-parents-dispute?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:945c989c-6d1b-4207-a938-1eced13d9796Post:564d1496-6e4a-4110-ba0f-e30b915759a8">Re: Divorce Parents Dispute</a>:
    [QUOTE]to clarify Father or the groom is seated before the mother but in this case in the second row (with his current wife0 The MOG is escorted to her seat after him but is seated in the first row.
    Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]

    I agree.

    Seriously though how can he control the wedding? He's not getting married. That's terrible. Was this divorce recent or something cos he's acting like it happened last week, his ex cheated on him with his brother, AND then slapped his mom.
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