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wedding shower

I am a senior nursing student and I got engaged over the holidays.  I would love to be able to have a shower be it a lingerie shower or a full out shower with my friends from school before we graduate in may because I will be moving 3 and a half hours away after graduation and I feel like we will all lose touch, but I don't know if it would be appropriate bc my Fi and I are not getting married until June 11, 2011, and we have decided on a private destination wedding. We will be having a Reception about a month after the wedding when we get back (given the fact that his family still offers to pay, if not then we will have a smaller family reception).  Is it appropriate to get with my friends and see if they want to do something like this? I have participated in all of their engagement parties, showers, weddings, and ect.... I feel like I should have my day too.

Re: wedding shower

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    It sounds like what your saying is, is it ok if I have a party so all the friends I made here in college can give me gifts before I move away and lose all these potential gift givers....If you want to have a girls night go ahead, don't make it about getting gifts
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    edited January 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-shower-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9468a38b-a87a-4177-8de5-23554a8b24cePost:5f4ba45c-3477-405f-89d2-77a4bb70032b">wedding shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am a senior nursing student and I got engaged over the holidays.  I would love to be able to have a shower be it a lingerie shower or a full out shower with my friends from school before we graduate in may because I will be moving 3 and a half hours away after graduation and I feel like we will all lose touch, but I don't know if it would be appropriate bc my Fi and I are not getting married until June 11, 2011, and we have decided on a private destination wedding. We will be having a Reception about a month after the wedding when we get back (given the fact that his family still offers to pay, if not then we will have a smaller family reception).  Is it appropriate to get with my friends and see if they want to do something like this? I have participated in all of their engagement parties, showers, weddings, and ect.... I feel like I should have my day too.
    <p>Posted by sawest2221[/QUOTE]</p><p> </p><p>I don't live in a country where showers are a common event, but from what I understand, you do not throw or 'suggest' your own shower- you wait until/if someone offers. </p><p> </p><p>If by 'I feel like I should have my day too' you mean, 'I'm pissed off that I spent money and lavished attention on these girls and the reality is they're not going to want to do the same for me as we grow apart', then no, I don't agree that it's appropriate. People who you're still in touch with closer to your wedding may OFFER to throw you a shower, in which case you can graciously accept. If you essentially guilt trip your friends into throwing a bridal shower for an event that is so far away that who knows if it will actually even happen, you're likely to seriously alienate these people and ensure that they do 'lose touch' with you and your demanding selfishness in the coming year and a half.</p>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-shower-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9468a38b-a87a-4177-8de5-23554a8b24cePost:5f4ba45c-3477-405f-89d2-77a4bb70032b">wedding shower</a>:
    [QUOTE] Is it appropriate to get with my friends and see if they want to do something like this? I have participated in all of their engagement parties, showers, weddings, and ect.... I feel like I should have my day too.
    Posted by sawest2221[/QUOTE]

    Oh, well, it's nice that you feel you should have YOUR day too!  Or, in this case, mulitple days, right?  Cause that's what this is about for you, isn't it?  Getting married isn't about gifts or parties, it's about ya know, GETTING MARRIED.

    Look, there's a lot of "me me me, it's about ME" mentality with weddings, and all that happens is a lot of stress, bad feelings and disappointment around your wedding- whether it's from you or from your friends and family.  Is that the legacy you want for your wedding day?  Ask yourself that and then say yes, you really really want to force your college friends into giving you gifts for your long-away wedding. 

    I really hope you change your mind, and that you are able to stop yourself from going down the bridezilla path.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-shower-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9468a38b-a87a-4177-8de5-23554a8b24cePost:5f4ba45c-3477-405f-89d2-77a4bb70032b">wedding shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am a senior nursing student and I got engaged over the holidays.  I would love to be able to have a shower be it a lingerie shower or a full out shower with my friends from school before we graduate in may because I will be moving 3 and a half hours away after graduation and I feel like we will all lose touch, but I don't know if it would be appropriate bc my Fi and I are not getting married until June 11, 2011, and we have decided on a private destination wedding. We will be having a Reception about a month after the wedding when we get back (given the fact that his family still offers to pay, if not then we will have a smaller family reception). <strong> Is it appropriate to get with my friends and see if they want to do something like this?</strong> I have participated in all of their engagement parties, showers, weddings, and ect.... I feel like I should have my day too.
    Posted by sawest2221[/QUOTE]

    Not remotely.
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    You'll get your day as your wedding day.

    In the meantime, you really are never supposed to throw any party in honor of yourself ever and you're REALLY never supposed to do that as a gift giving event.

    Have a girls night out but to do what you propose is actually really inappropriate on a variety of levels. 

    1) As stated above, the shower is thrown for and not by you.
    2) They're held for those invited to the wedding only.
    3) They're in a time frame that's very close to the wedding.  One year ahead of the wedding is FAR too early.

    On top of that, you're not to use any of the gifts received at the shower until after the wedding.  Why would you want that stuff in your house for a year?

    Instead, a group graduation celebration sounds better.
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    I think it would be a great idea to get with your friends and plan a big party or girl's night out to happen before you all graduate and move away.  I don't think it should have anything to do with your wedding though, especially since you already know you'll lose touch with these girls and they won't be invited to your wedding.
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    Ditto PPs. Remember that all persons invited to showers or other pre-wedding parties should also be invited to the wedding. If you are having a DW, then they probably won't be. If you think you will all be far away and not in touch around the time of your wedding, then you probably won't invite them anyway.

    Have a girls night to celebrate graduation, and people can squee about your ring then. You will have new friends wherever you move and maybe one of them will throw you a shower.
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    Nope.

    Any of the girls you stay in touch with or close to, include them on the guest list for the shower that is thrown FOR you closer to your wedding. You'd be surprised that people will travel even 3 hours if they are able. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-shower-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9468a38b-a87a-4177-8de5-23554a8b24cePost:d3144ba5-dc8e-46c8-969f-246165670abc">Re: wedding shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]You'd be surprised that people will travel even 3 hours if they are able. 
    Posted by Pirata13[/QUOTE]

    That's true.  A couple of my friends drove 3 hours to attend the shower that my bridesmaids threw for me.
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    When you choose to have a private wedding, you give up some of the bells and whistles that come with a big local wedding, and when you choose to have a long engagement, you have to deal with the fact that some of your relationships may change and that people whose weddings you attended may no longer be on the guest list. I say this as someone who is having a three year engagement and getting married in a very special venue on the Jersey Shore that only allows me to invite 85 people.

    Sure, you listed all the parties you've attended for this group of friends, but you also said that you were invited to their WEDDINGS. That means that it is appropriate that they invited you to their pre-wedding parties. If you want to invite these girls to pre-wedding parties, then invite them to your wedding.

    If this really is about friendship, have a big party for them that isn't about your wedding.
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    So, what you're say is that you want to have your friends throw you a shower and give you presents, and then you probably won't be friends anymore and you're definitely not going to invite them to your wedding. 

    No. Just no.
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    I agree with PPs that having some kind of awesome party with your friends would be fine, but don't make it wedding-related.
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