Wedding Etiquette Forum

Planning (ahead) to start the ceremony 30 minutes late

Happy Friday all,

I am planning to have the invitations say the ceremony begins at 6:30 and my mom is insisting that no matter what time the invitation says that we have to plan (ahead of time- as in now) that we will wait atleast 30 minutes to start the ceremony to account for any late guests.  Is this crazy?  It strikes me as crazy.  Of course there is a chance we have to delay due to things that arise the day of- but I don't want to have to plan ahead of time to wait 30 minutes.  If that is the case then I am going to just move my ceremony time up to 6 on the invite.  I know some guests will probably be late but what about people that come on time-- so then I make them potentially wait  an hour+ because of my mom's weird idea?  This will screw up my entire timeline.  Thoughts?  Is this what everyone does?

Re: Planning (ahead) to start the ceremony 30 minutes late

  • Um, no. As someone who makes it a point to be on time for things, I am always annoyed when things are held up for those who are late (barring things like accidents, weather, etc that affect the entire group). If I was a guest at a wedding that started late on purpose, I'd be annoyed. Our wedding is starting on time, those who are late can wait in the back and join us for the reception.
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  • heyjude23heyjude23 member
    100 Comments
    edited January 2012

    Do not do this, your mom is wrong.  As you correctly pointed out, what happens to those guests that arrive, say 15-20 mins early?  But you secretly pushed the ceremony back so now they wait 45 mins with nothing to do.

    Your guests are adults, trust that they will be on time. If people are late, they're late, but you shouldn't inconvenience almost all your guests because of this potential issue.

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  • You're definitely right -- it's super rude to your timely guests to do this.
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  • Thanks for your responses- and I totally agree with you! I tried to calmly explain to my mom that her idea is strange and punishes guests that are on time... I mean what is the point of putting a time on the invitation then?  I am going to try to approach her again later with my sister backing me so that she sees her weird that idea is.
  • I would be livid if I were a guest at  your wedding!!  Your mom is dead wrong.  You don't accomodate the late guests, you accomodate those who were punctual and arrived on time.  I always arrive a minimum of 20 minutes prior to start time for a wedding.  If I had to sit there 50 minutes waiting for it to start (and it was intentional) I would be pretty ticked.

    Talk to your mom and let her know this is wrong.  If people are late, they are late, and they miss the show.
  • @kmmssg, krizzo and rachers,

    This is exactly what I said to my sister.  My first reaction was- if you are late too bad you'll have to wait until the cocktail hour begins (which is at the same venue so its not a big deal).  Then I thought -- well depending on the situation they could come in quickly after I come down the aisle and take a seat. 

    But it really made me angry that she was insisting I have to wait the 30 minutes - it strikes me as so rude to the other guests and like I said earlier it will screw up my timeline.  I can't control what will happen the day of due to outside events but planning to start on time at this point is within my control and I totally plan to do so! It really upset me she is bringing this up- for now I am just taking a breath and walking away for a bit until I can talk to her later about it bc I am too angry right now.  (this isn't her first irrational demand)
  • Like PP's said, do NOT purposefully plan to start you wedding late.  That is just rude.  The people who are late are rude.  Don't cater to them.

    However, should something arise and you decide to delay, that could be a game time decision.  We delayed our start by about 10 minutes due to some unforeseen circumstances (the hotel was being super slow getting everyone's cars out of valet).  But I didn't PLAN for that to happen.

  • Your mom is way wrong. I work at a facility that holds alot of weddings and most people actually arrive 15 or more minutes EARLY for a wedding.  As someone who does arrive 15-20 minutes early I would be PISSED to have to sit there for 45 minutes and so would everyone else (and discuss it during the reception/cocktail hour). Honestly unless something crazy happens at the wedding, that would probably be the most memorable thing from the wedding...not a good thing.
  • edited January 2012

    You must start the wedding on time.

    We also have many notorious late family members and guests. So I can understand your concern regarding people walking in while your WP is walking to the alter. 

    We will have live music to entertain our guests for the first 30 minutes and then begin walking. This should give our stragglers time to come in and find their seats without punishing our on time guests.

    Wedding date July 7, 2012
  • Your mom is crazy.. you put the actual ceremony start time on your invitations. Your guests are adults and should know to show up in a timely manner.

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  • As someone who has arrived late to a wedding ceremony before (It was on an army base and a tad hard to find the church, where to park, where to go in, where NOT to be so we don't get shot or arrested, etc.) We waited outside of the church until the entire wedding party and the bride had walked down the aisle (we also stayed aside because they were doing a photo halfway down the aisle, once we were out of the camera's sight, we quietly took our seats in the back. And no one noticed except the people in our row. 
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  • kateguess22kateguess22 member
    100 Comments
    edited January 2012
    I don't know why but my best friend was super stressed about this for her wedding last year. Her biggest wedding fear was that someone would walk in the door of the church after the wedding had already started. I tried to tell her not to worry and that wouldn't be such a big deal but she couldn't stop worrying about it. My cousin walked in a little late to my brother's ceremony and we turned our heads and smiled briefly at him but it was not a big deal and not very disruptive. It happens. Another wedding I went to started almost 30 minutes late because her grandmother was running late and of course they didn't want to start the wedding without her.
    I think that if all of your VIP guests are there, then you should start about 5 minutes late. What I mean is (and this is just my opinion) is that I do plan on starting 5 mins late just for an extra few minutes to get everyone settled and to have my mom etc. sit down and then 5 mins later I will come out. However if someone such as my sister or my FI's mother or whatever isn't there yet then of course I wouldn't start the ceremony. Some people do come down the aisle 30 minutes late but if you don't need to, then it just makes your wedding unnessessarily boring. 5-10 minutes people will chat and get excited. 30 minutes they'll be checking their watches and getting hungry and I worry that by the time you come out the excitement will have dwindled.
  • OP,  you can use the fact that the E board agrees with you as additional ammunition. Because her idea is crazy.
  • Not that it hasn't been said already, but...

    Start on time. Don't accomodate late guests.
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  • Unfortunately, this is pretty commonly done around my area. EVERYONE is late to everything. So if you say 6:30p, they won't start trickling in until 7p. EXCEPT for me. I'm always on time & pissed that I'm sitting there waiting for the rest to show up.

    When I was in a wedding a few years ago, we arrived at the church on time & the lot was practically empty. We sat in the limo for 15 minutes, waiting for more guests to arrive so we could go in. 

    I will (and have) purposely give an earlier time for a regular party, but I'm not doing that for our wedding. I said 4p and if you're incapable of showing up on time, then you don't get to see me get married. Too bad for you.
  • I have never been to a wedding that has done this. I just attended a wedding this past fall, and it was delayed about 30 mins. 75% of guests were caught in traffic due to road constructions (it was a Saturday, and road crews were making up for lost time in July due to the state shutdown) No one knew of the construction and the bride was happy to wait for her guests to arrive.

    But please remember, this was an extenuating circumstance. So don't make your guests wait. 
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  • Everyone knows that the bride walks down the aisle at the time printed on the invitation, or they should. If they are late, too bad. 

    We started 15 minutes late because DH's dad was lost, but there was no way in hell we were going to start without him and he wasn't just tardy for no reason. One of my friends missed the whole ceremony because she didn't check the invitation and forgot what time it started. We didn't hold it up for her and frankly I didn't notice. She didn't even tell me until months later. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_planning-ahead-start-ceremony-30-minutes-late?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:94f3ac85-cef0-4fad-b277-86c785d6a520Post:9f98ce70-2d58-4b41-a740-b6b002fb2b79">Re: Planning (ahead) to start the ceremony 30 minutes late</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Everyone knows that the bride walks down the aisle at the time printed on the invitation, or they should. </strong>If they are late, too bad.  We started 15 minutes late because DH's dad was lost, but there was no way in hell we were going to start without him and he wasn't just tardy for no reason. One of my friends missed the whole ceremony because she didn't check the invitation and forgot what time it started. We didn't hold it up for her and frankly I didn't notice. She didn't even tell me until months later. 
    Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

    Really? Where is this stated in the etiquette books?

    I thought prelude music is played first?
    Wedding date July 7, 2012
  • Yeah, don't plan to start late.  Starting late happens, but it shouldn't be planned for.  Plan to be punctual.  A lot of guests do show up early so that they don't miss the procession.  Don't make them wait 40 minutes instead of 10.
  • Honestly, I'm going to put X time on the invites, but not actually start for about 10 minutes (max) after that. Every wedding I have been to has had those last few stragglers that came in 5 minutes late, but I wouldn't advise you to make people wait 30 minutes. I'm almost always either a couple minutes late or just on time, and waiting 25-30 minutes would frustrate me, let alone the people who are on time or early.
  • Maybe plan for ten minutes late at the most. And that's for YOUR convenience (like you forgot to pee or something) You shouldn't accomodate late guests who don't have the decensy to show up on time for your wedding and making everyone who did show up on time wait. Most people know that if they are late to a wedding, they can't just bust into the chapel or wherever and interrupt the procession.
  • This is a very old thing, and it's very RUDE. Don't intentionally start late. People might catch wind of it and get upset, and for those who get there on time, you're making them sit there for half an hour for people you think will be late? DO NOT DO THIS.
  • BIL started his wedding 45 minutes late. It was late afternoon in August in southern Ohio. No shade.

    The guests were pissed, rightly so.
  • I got pissed when we didn't start on time.  Then i found out that we couldn't start on time because there was an accident on the freeway and most of our guests got caught in the traffic jam from that.  Even so, we only started about 15 minutes late.  There were people waiting in the lobby to find a seat when I started walking down the aisle.  It happens.  But as a guest, I'd be really irritated if I got there early (and we're usually 15-20 minutes early) and then had to wait an additional 30 after it was supposed to start.  Five or ten minutes, I think people expect that, much more and I'd expect some sort of announcement to explain what the problem was.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_planning-ahead-start-ceremony-30-minutes-late?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:94f3ac85-cef0-4fad-b277-86c785d6a520Post:b33e0f79-f883-4961-9937-b88c51b2ce0b">Re: Planning (ahead) to start the ceremony 30 minutes late</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Planning (ahead) to start the ceremony 30 minutes late : Erhm, no. Plan to start the ceremony at the same time as your invitation. <strong>Usually if someone is late, they wait until the bride has walked through to get their seat, or hurry in I guess.</strong> But don't lie to your guests about the time of the ceremony.
    Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]

    <div>Unless you're my sister, then you just walk down the aisle after the bride. *eyeroll*</div><div>
    </div><div>OP: Ten minutes max, and only if someone <u>really</u> important isn't there yet. Like you or your FI.</div>
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  • The only reason to start late is if there are outside factors - such as an accident that has many of your guests stuck in traffic, unforseen weather or something similar. And even then, you make sure the major players are there and then go. 
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