I Judge My Friend.

eastunder1

Why would you ever, ever, ever tell another person something like that?!  GAH.  Apparently, there's a pretty large culture for that kind of thing.  I've heard stories about internet videos and other sick sh*t.  So I guess she's not the only one (!!??!), but COME ON.  Keep that to yourself. 

I would have a really hard time maintaining a friendship with someone after a disclosure like that.  If that makes me an jerk, I'm ok with that.  Some things you just don't bounce back from.  Theyre just too friggin weird.   Because she would forever in my mind be "The dog f*cker."  Game over. 

I would assume that she is mortified and panicked right now, and I honestly can't decide if it would be kinder to just phase her out or to actually address the issue. 

Moneypenny424

Yikes bikes!

lizstill13

I would never be able to look at her the same way again. Seriously. Friendship ender for me.

SarahPLiz

Fantasizing is one thing. Being willing to act on it (abuse an animal) is another entirely. If its just her fantasy, then I think its easier to ignore, as her sex life presumably has nothing to do with you or your friendship.

If she actually abused an animal that way (and I am having a hard time picturing how that would work exactly. Not so hard to imagine the logisitics for a man, but you know.. ), then that would be a friendship ender for me. I am not friends with people who abuse animals. period.

jajph1974

I was not expecting that at all. I'm honestly quite shocked

mandapanda78

I was totally judging you, Femlin, but after the big reveal... yeah... 

That's animal abuse, for sure. 

danieliza1127

Femlin, I just gasped out loud at my desk.  I would talk to her and tell her how concerned you are for her and strongly suggest she see a counselor, even help her find a counselor to see.  I'm serious. 

Are you 100% sure that she was serious and not just messing with you to see what you would do?

FutureMrsTR

Aaaaand I just saw what it was and yes, I would end the friendship over that because that, to me, constitutes animal abuse.  And I would probably tell her that.

mandysmear

crfische

It's animal abuse that she knows her friend is thinking about doing, and you're not doing anything to help her.

She probably told you because she doesn't want to do it. She knows it's wrong. Her brain is fucked up, and she needs some help.

If I held that secret and didn't help her, and some animal gets raped because of it, I'd feel like a fucking bastard.

L-Bride

Can you tell the story verbatim exactly how she said it? Since I'm fairly confident something like this will never come out of my friend's mouths, I'm curious as to how someone just blurts this out.

::sits and waits wide-eyed with curiosity::

mandapanda78

Also, I'm befuddled by the imbalance of the confessions. It's like you said "I need to confess that I stole a candy bar from 7-11!" and she responded with "It's ok! I'm actually a mass-murderer!"  Awkward. 

Calumet

I would like to replace my response with SarahPLiz's. She is more articulate than me. When you reread mine it sounds like I thought the act was somehow okay... not what I meant.

Moneypenny424

From what I understand, people often make dogs lick them.  Like, put some peanut butter between your legs and get off.  So gross.

eastunder1

I think I could maybe get over her just saying it crossed her mind because sometimes people think of some really weird stuff.  But the fact she is considering acting on it?  Barf. 

kikibaby

I get all uncomfortable when I see my dog's man parts.

danieliza1127

I would feel like a really shitty friend if I just ended the friendship out of my disgust without trying to help her.  If she was really that good of a friend, I would tell her that it's wrong and messed up and that she needs help.  I would not just say "that's animal abuse" and shun her.  It's way more than animal abuse, she has a mental health problem.  It is not normal to have those kind of fantasies.  When I was a Probation Officer working with sex offenders, this came up a lot.

Fische, get in here and offer some professional-type advice!

Moneypenny424

I hope my response wasn't TMI or something, I was just responding to SarahPLiz's question about logistics.

tidetravel

I may give her the side-eye, but I don't think it's worth ending a friendship over - it's not like she's *done* anything.  If it bothers you that much, you really should sit her down and have a talk.  "Hey friend, you know how I said I wouldn't judge you?  Well, to be honest, what you told me kind of freaked me out.  It's gross." 

ETA:  and suggest that she gets help.

crfische

I've responded twice!

FutureMrsTR

Yes, I absolutely agree that she needs some kind of help and maybe this is her way of reaching out?

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:956b1049-f6ee-48b5-9fc1-05403bb72ba8Post:406c7034-d9b0-4c63-b5f5-b69179cbd285">Re: I Judge My Friend.</a>:
[QUOTE]I think I could maybe get over her just saying it crossed her mind because sometimes people think of some really weird stuff.  But the fact she is considering acting on it?  Barf. 
Posted by eastunder1[/QUOTE]

Right, she confessed because she knows it's wrong and she needs help.  It's like someone saying "I'm depressed" versus "I'm thinking of killing myself today". 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:956b1049-f6ee-48b5-9fc1-05403bb72ba8Post:80d56633-b5f5-46dc-a014-6b98487df2a6">Re: I Judge My Friend.</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Fantasizing is one thing. Being willing to act on it (abuse an animal) is another entirely. </strong>If its just her fantasy, then I think its easier to ignore, as her sex life presumably has nothing to do with you or your friendship. If she actually abused an animal that way (and I am having a hard time picturing how that would work exactly. Not so hard to imagine the logisitics for a man, but you know.. ), then that would be a friendship ender for me. I am not friends with people who abuse animals. period.
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. Like Fishy said, you should probably try to get help for her. She might end up hurting an animal. That would be the hardest question for me - to walk away or get her help. I would feel bad not trying at least to get her to realize she needs therapy or that it's a really, really bad idea.

mrsdevilguy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:956b1049-f6ee-48b5-9fc1-05403bb72ba8Post:9af4bc67-da29-46e6-86c4-c7a6a3f850dc">Re: I Judge My Friend.</a>:
[QUOTE]Eh, I don't judge sexual kinks that don't hurt anybody. I suppose if she actually followed through with the fantasy and it was somehow cruel to the dog, I wouldn't approve. No I wouldn't end my friendship over it. I would try to put it out of my head when we were together. I assume you'll never look at her the same, and only you can decide what you can handle. But if one of my good friends told me this, I'd move past it. EDIT: I should add I DO think this is gross, and I would have a hard time forgetting a friend said/wanted this.
Posted by Calumet[/QUOTE]

This^^

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:956b1049-f6ee-48b5-9fc1-05403bb72ba8Post:9746d0fb-8235-42c6-b465-563a85af7d92">Re: I Judge My Friend.</a>:
[QUOTE]I've responded twice!
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

Sorry, I was typing at the same time and my connection is slow.  I saw your responses after I posted.

Nebb

Holeefuck.. I wouldnt be talking to her either.

SarahPLiz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:956b1049-f6ee-48b5-9fc1-05403bb72ba8Post:dcf70bc2-9e15-423a-96a6-9ff6cd9140d2">Re: I Judge My Friend.</a>:
[QUOTE]From what I understand, people often make dogs lick them.  Like, put some peanut butter between your legs and get off.  So gross.
Posted by Moneypenny424[/QUOTE]

Ew! I glad there is no Big Brother thought monitoring thing at work, because I'd seriously be fired right now.

jonchrissy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:956b1049-f6ee-48b5-9fc1-05403bb72ba8Post:29206c0f-056a-4a1b-b48b-d998f721a73f">Re: I Judge My Friend.</a>:
[QUOTE]I get all uncomfortable when I see my dog's man parts.
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

Ditto

smokeybailey

jessjo04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:956b1049-f6ee-48b5-9fc1-05403bb72ba8Post:dcf70bc2-9e15-423a-96a6-9ff6cd9140d2">Re: I Judge My Friend.</a>:
[QUOTE]From what I understand, people often make dogs lick them.  Like, put some peanut butter between your legs and get off.  So gross.
Posted by Moneypenny424[/QUOTE]

Often?!

Anyway, its sick enough that she fantasizes about it, but saying that she might act on it? That would do it for me. I kinda agree with fishy though, maybe she is looking for help.