I Judge My Friend.

Sagenhaft

True story: My ex-boyfriend (who I am still friends with) was close friends with a guy who fornicated with a cat.

The cat lived. The guy was very open about it. He thought beastality was totally normal. He was only "attracted" to his cat, so I don't think you need to keep your pets away from her.

I doubt therapy would help her. People like what they like, you can either make her feel horrible and weird for it or you can get over it and realize where she puts her vagina has no impact on your life. I found making jokes and avoiding visualization at all times really helps. If we were in a situation where we had to touch each other's stuff (i.e., he asked me to hold his drink) I would ask "That depends, have you washed your hands since you last did your cat?" Worked surprisingly well.

Animal control doesn't care. They don't perform rape kits on animals.

I am not condoning this behavior. I don't think beastiality is a good thing. I am not making excuses for her or anyone else.

thesuninherhead

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:956b1049-f6ee-48b5-9fc1-05403bb72ba8Post:ccd94e6b-53c8-4c0f-82c7-e8872f880057">Re: I Judge My Friend.</a>:
[QUOTE]Femlin - the text was probably her very awkward way of attempting to gauge your reaction to the whole thing.  Just be honest.  
<p>Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]</p><p> </p><p>I agree, to me, this is pretty clearly her attempt at trying to figure out what your reaction to her secret was.</p><p> </p><p>I think that, as Fische says, you need to address this with her in a way that conveys concern without disconnecting from her. The fact that she's telling you this at all is a clear cry for help, I think, and it would be cruel to abandon her at this point. She may have been attempting to normalise her behaviour, hoping that you would reply in-kind and she'd feel relieved about having these fantasies, but I think sharing this at all is a pretty clear indicator that she has some concern over the issue. Be a friend, and do what you can to try and encourage her to get help.</p><p> </p><p>The fact she's speaking out at all about this makes me wonder if she hasn't already acted on her fantasies... but whatever the case, she's telling you now knowing the risk that you won't share her feelings, and I think that as a friend, you need to do your best to help point her in the direction of resources that can help stop this becoming a lifetime issue for her.</p>

thesuninherhead

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:956b1049-f6ee-48b5-9fc1-05403bb72ba8Post:46c9acda-5d57-40ee-9273-eeb906fdc704">Re: I Judge My Friend.</a>:
[QUOTE] I doubt therapy would help her. People like what they like, you can either make her feel horrible and weird for it or you can get over it and realize where she puts her vagina has no impact on your life. 
Posted by Sagenhaft[/QUOTE]
<p> </p><p>I find this argument ridiculously selfish (and ridiculous in general). </p><p>Shall we also put aside child sexual abuse, given that where another person puts their hands/genitals has no impact on our own life? What we are talking about is classed as animal <em>abuse</em>. As far as I am concerned, no one should turn a blind eye to abuse, regardless of the personal impact of the abuse on our own lives... it is that attitude which allows children and animals to be subject to prolonged abuse to being with.</p><p> </p><p>In addition, there are many therapies designed to help address sexual attraction issues- you're right that their efficacy varies, but it sounds from the OP that this girl has other issues in her life (such as dissatisfaction with her relationship etc) which could be driving this desire and could also be worked through with therapy. </p>

Sagenhaft

From a psychological perspective, child abuse and beastiality are two entirely different things. It goes without saying that I don't condone child abuse  -- but that's not the issue here. So her friend likes dogs, that's not necessarily animal abuse. First of all, we don't know what she actually wants to do with the dog since the OP was so mortified I doubt she asked. The peanut/crotch situation is a more-common phenomonon than most people would like to believe. And it doesn't qualify as abuse as it leaves no permanent, lasting, or irreversible physical or psychological harm to the animal -- I know this because of the cat guy I mentioned earlier. Yes, it's different and many people will find it morally repulsive, but we should be careful about throwing around words like "abuse" because they're very serious things in the eyes of the law -- they can do irreversible things to someone's reputation. Imagine if she were applying for a job and this story hit the local newspaper because the press got wind of a reported "animal sexual abuse"... You don't have to like what she's doing to be careful what you say about it.

And typically people who have beastiality idealize their fantasies and see the animal as equal to a person they love and are therefore extremely unlikely to cause any harm to the animal. I doubt she's abusing the dog for this reason alone.

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:956b1049-f6ee-48b5-9fc1-05403bb72ba8Post:e4872c80-64db-4bdf-87cd-16fa8bbbe480">Re: I Judge My Friend.</a>:
[QUOTE]And typically people who have beastiality idealize their fantasies and see the animal as equal to a person they love and are therefore extremely unlikely to cause any harm to the animal. I doubt she's abusing the dog for this reason alone.
Posted by Sagenhaft[/QUOTE]

But could it be argued that if they see the animal as equal to a person, they wouldn't think of doing sexual things with it as hurting it?

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:956b1049-f6ee-48b5-9fc1-05403bb72ba8Post:e4872c80-64db-4bdf-87cd-16fa8bbbe480">Re: I Judge My Friend.</a>:
[QUOTE]From a psychological perspective, child abuse and beastiality are two entirely different things. It goes without saying that I don't condone child abuse  -- but that's not the issue here. So her friend likes dogs, that's not necessarily animal abuse. First of all, we don't know what she actually wants to do with the dog since the OP was so mortified I doubt she asked. The peanut/crotch situation is a more-common phenomonon than most people would like to believe. And it doesn't qualify as abuse as it leaves no permanent, lasting, or irreversible physical or psychological harm to the animal -- I know this because of the cat guy I mentioned earlier. Yes, it's different and many people will find it morally repulsive, but we should be careful about throwing around words like "abuse" because they're very serious things in the eyes of the law -- they can do irreversible things to someone's reputation. Imagine if she were applying for a job and this story hit the local newspaper because the press got wind of a reported "animal sexual abuse"... You don't have to like what she's doing to be careful what you say about it. And typically people who have beastiality idealize their fantasies and see the animal as equal to a person they love and are therefore extremely unlikely to cause any harm to the animal. I doubt she's abusing the dog for this reason alone.
Posted by Sagenhaft[/QUOTE]

Just curious, where are you getting your references from?

[Deleted User]

Sagen - I just don't understand how your friend that has sex with his cat is doing it without hurting the cat. Unless he's not actually having intercourse with it.

NikDan_2001

OOHH WOW ya um she has issues!!!

I honestly would be in the same position as you, in not knowing whta to do....WOW

My jaw is still on the floor!!!