Already have an update

melb2013

So I posted this  yesterday morning: http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-rude-4

Literally two hours later, the bride (who's a relative btw) texted me telling me that I need to inform the other bridesmaids how much they owe me for the shower.  Now she didn't know that two of the bridesmaids had told me that they didn't think they could contribute or that the other bridesmaid has been super MIA since she had a baby (understandably, and she had a lot of complications).  I texted her back that I knew that she really wanted this and I was taking care of it.  Then she sent me this long message saying that she's spent so much money on all these girl's showers and she thinks they should pay back and that I should demand they reimburse me.

Alright, so I just don't go demanding money from people.  I think it's rude.  Nobody ever offered to throw her a shower in the first place.  So I sent her back a text that said that a shower isn't payback- if she spent money on her friends then I hope it was because she wanted to, not because she expected something back.  I said that I took this on knowing I was doing it alone and wasn't expecting anything from anyone.  I certainly wasn't going to demand money from people who never offered it in the first place and who aren't required to contribute.

Then she called me and bitched about the bridesmaids for a while.  I finally agreed to tell them what I've done.  If they offer to help after that, they can.  She says she wants to know if they don't offer because then she doesn't want them in her wedding...

And this is why I don't want to throw her a bach party on top of all this...  I got her to agree to just going out to dinner for her bach party.  

Wow that got long- sorry! Vent over!

J&K10910

Did you not say the MOB was paying for the shower, you're just doing the details?

melb2013

Yes, which is why it's really not that big of a deal that I pay for it all.  I'm not going to demand that people pay me for a few games, some favors, and some decorations.

DramaGeek

Honestly?  At this point I'd be stepping down from the WP all together.  If someone wants to kick everyone out of their WP because they didn't pony up for a shower they aren't obligated to pay for, that's not someone I want in my life.

TheShadyYvonne

just read that other post...craazy

goobersinlove

Lie. "Yup, they paid me - every last cent they owed me, with interest, too!! Shall we move on with life?"

melb2013

She's my family, I can't get rid of her! LOL

sbc2013

Maybe you could send the BMs a casual email saying something like, "Hey girls! Just wanted to let you know the shower is coming along and so far I have planned X, Y, and Z. Hopefully bride loves it. I just wish you girls were joining us, too!" See what they reply--it should be clear if they plan on making it or not. And I think by mentioning what you've planned, if any of them are going to offer to contribute, they will when they hear what you have already done on your own and without their help.

I definitely don't think you should be planning a bachelorette party for this bride, though. At least not on your own! I might even add a line to the email telling the girls that bride mentioned to you she really wants a bachelorette party, but you aren't sure you are going to be able to host it on your own (and/or contribute to it, depending on how you feel about what you've put in already financially). If they don't come back with an offer to host it, the bride doesn't get a bachelorette party. I understand how you feel because I am a person who enjoys pleasing others (and REALLY dislike making others unhappy), but don't let yourself be taken advantage of. You are a BM, not the bride's personal therapist and party-granting fairy!

melb2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_already-have-an-update?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:95fddac5-1f81-4ec4-b365-06f6cfe36fbaPost:44367e7d-bd7b-4679-bfc1-91415dba8771">Re:Already have an update</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm with Drama. I've stepped down for that kind of crazy before. I do think it's time to be up front with her. She's insistent on drama regardless, so just be frank with her. <strong>"Bride, you are family and I lOve you, but you are out of control and overbearing. I am not going to discuss the other BMs with you or any of our finances anymore. Period."</strong>
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I like this.  I think when she asks if anyone ended up contributing, I'm just going to say that it's none of her business how we handle our finances.  And I am not doing anything else besides showing up to her wedding in the assigned dress and smiling. </div>