we will be hosting an engagement party for our daughter and her fiance in january. it has been rather tricky to work out dates as he is in the military and stationed several states away. the announcement for the local paper will be next month. his mother/family is doing nothing. we did offer to put something in his local paper if he wished but he declined. i know he has been very hurt by their actions. we are having the mailed announcements printed with the invite to the party inside, but the date will be left blank to fill in once final confirmation is received, the rest of the info will be printed. i have asked for the addresses of his family and any close friends from the town where he is from that he would like invited. i do not believe they will attend or even respond based on passed actions by them, but i feel this is a last attempt of a gesture to try to reach these people. if there is nothing back, we are done and will proceed with the wedding plans without them. my question, i guess, is does this sound fair? should i even bother with this final action? he has said not to bother, but i can see the hurt on his face.
*second question, we will be hosting the party at our home. it will be at 3pm on a saturday (fly in friday night, party, fly out sunday). for obvious reasons it will not be a formal affair. there will be anywhere up to 50 people at a ruff guess. we plan to have it catered but in a casual way. i'm thinking mostly finger foods??? fried chicken, pasta salad, cheese plate, raw vegetables?? my daughter has asked that i make a few of her favorite: bruchete, mini ruebens, baby asparagus/prochuto(?) wraps. i'm thinking sodas, perhaps some kind of punch, a non-alcoholic toast due to the time?? would it be crass to have plastic ware/plates/cups?