Wedding Etiquette Forum

I'm a bridesmaid and just found out I'm pregnant

A little background info.....I recently found out I am 5 weeks pregnant (yay!) which came as a total surprise b/c for years I was told a natural pregnancy wouldn't happen.  Due to being a "high risk" patient, my husband and I are keeping it quiet till my second semester.  If all goes well I will be at 36 weeks by the time my best friend is getting hitched.  I still want to be a bridesmaid (given there are no complications etc. around the wedding date), but would understand if she replaces me. 

Are there any brides or bridesmaids out there that had this same situation?? What were your feelings and what suggestions to you have on ways to tell her the news??

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Re: I'm a bridesmaid and just found out I'm pregnant

  • id personally drop out - not because of the petty reasons you see on here but because at 36 weeks you are either going to be ready to give birth (and could be really uncomfortable, tired, etc.) or you may already have a newborn and you wont even be able to attend the wedding.

    i would talk to her as soon as you are ready to break the news and give her your thoughts. 

    congrats on your unexpected blessing!
  • First of all, CONGRATULATIONS!!!

    Secondly, if one of my bridesmaids got pregnant, I would be thrilled for her! Laughing (Well, as long as it's not my 20 year old sister. Haha.) I probably would suggest to her that she sit during the ceremony at 36 weeks pregnant, since that is quite far along. But, it wouldn't change the fact that she is one of my besties and that I want her to be there for me during my wedding day.

    And, lastly, really, just tell her. If she reacts any other way than supportive of you, then she is likely being selfish. If that happens, give her some time to come back down to earth and realize that life goes on even if she is getting married. If she never gets over it, that's her deal. Most likely though, you guys can work something out together!!

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-a-bridesmaid-and-just-found-out-im-pregnant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:962d2e85-e304-4cff-b30e-06606f945330Post:e514a00a-cd32-493c-b272-85d585afc860">I'm a bridesmaid and just found out I'm pregnant</a>:
    [QUOTE]A little background info.....I recently found out I am 5 weeks pregnant (yay!) which came as a total surprise b/c for years I was told a natural pregnancy wouldn't happen.  Due to being a "high risk" patient, my husband and I are keeping it quiet till my second semester.  If all goes well I will be at 36 weeks by the time my best friend is getting hitched.  I still want to be a bridesmaid (given there are no complications etc. around the wedding date), but would understand if she replaces me.  Are there any brides or bridesmaids out there that had this same situation?? What were your feelings and what suggestions to you have on ways to tell her the news??
    Posted by NYCynthia1[/QUOTE]

    Yikes - if your friend asks you to step out of the wedding or replaces you, she's not being a good friend.

    Either you are there (yay!) or you can't be there (boo!) but there's no reason to scramble for a replacement.  Bridesmaids don't do anything but stand there.  Bridesmaids also are the nearest and deareset so ...um... how is that replacable?

    Tell her the truth, say you want to be there, and be happy for her wedding.  If she reacts any other way, she kinda sucks.

    Congrats on the baby!!
  • One of my bm's is pregnant and is due anytime from the day of the wedding till the beginning of November (36-40wk margin).  She told me right away, which I completely appreciated.  I told her that if along the way she felt that it would be to much or it wouldn't work out just let me know I would completely understand.  She'll know what works best for her.  Once you and your husband are ready to let people know, just keep a constant dialogue open with your best friend.  Communication is key. Smile
  • Congrats!!!!  My BM told me right away when she found out they were pregnant, and they had been trying for awhile.  She is due in about a week, but is set on traveling with her maybe 3 wk old!!

    I think that you should be upfront with your friend earlier than the 2nd trimester if you feel comfortable doing so.  She doesn't have to tell anyone, but it will help both of you figure out the next step!  I would never replace a BM and she shouldn't either!!  I think a big factor that you didn't ellude to in your post is how far away is the wedding??  If you have to travel for it, you might want to just explain that there is a very good chance you won't make it because that is late in the game to be traveling far from your Dr. & the delivery hospital.  If it's close, she could have you sit during the ceremony and you could leave early from the reception if you need to.  Good luck!!!

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  • seems like im in the minority, but given OP's admission of being a high risk pregnancy, etc. i think she really needs to look at this selfishly and do what is best for her and her health/baby's health. so that said, i think she needs to first decide realistically whether she even wants to be in the wedding and physically thinks she can be in the wedding before even telling the bride.   making the decision on her own whether to be in it takes any pressure/uncomfortableness off of the bride - and herself.

    i know she says that she still wants to be in it, but the women ive seen at 36 weeks or with week old babies are pretty tired and focused on other things.  given her high risk nature, i just dont know if she should add more stress to herself. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-a-bridesmaid-and-just-found-out-im-pregnant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:962d2e85-e304-4cff-b30e-06606f945330Post:faf365c8-4249-46b0-927b-9269ec3923cb">Re: I'm a bridesmaid and just found out I'm pregnant</a>:
    [QUOTE]seems like im in the minority, but given OP's admission of being a high risk pregnancy, etc. i think she really needs to look at this selfishly and do what is best for her and her health/baby's health. so that said, i think she needs to first decide realistically whether she even wants to be in the wedding and physically thinks she can be in the wedding before even telling the bride.   making the decision on her own whether to be in it takes any pressure/uncomfortableness off of the bride - and herself. i know she says that she still wants to be in it, but the women ive seen at 36 weeks or with week old babies are pretty tired and focused on other things.  given her high risk nature, i just dont know if she should add more stress to herself. 
    Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

    Walking down an aisle is not very stressful. Assuming she is not on bed rest or anything along those lines, she'll likely attend the wedding whether she is a bridesmaid or not. She'll have to walk to her seat from the car, walk from the ceremony to the reception, walk to her car to go home, etc. So, I'm not quite getting how her being a bridesmaid is going to cause any unnecessary stress..

    Granted, I realize that 36 weeks is late in the game for a pregnancy, but she can't really say TODAY whether or not she'll be able to make it to the wedding at all. But, she also can't say that she WON'T be able to make it. It's more of a play it by ear type of thing. But, I see no reason to completely refuse.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-a-bridesmaid-and-just-found-out-im-pregnant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:962d2e85-e304-4cff-b30e-06606f945330Post:faf365c8-4249-46b0-927b-9269ec3923cb">Re: I'm a bridesmaid and just found out I'm pregnant</a>:
    [QUOTE]seems like im in the minority, but given OP's admission of being a high risk pregnancy, etc. i think she really needs to look at this selfishly and do what is best for her and her health/baby's health. so that said, i think she needs to first decide realistically whether she even wants to be in the wedding and physically thinks she can be in the wedding before even telling the bride.   making the decision on her own whether to be in it takes any pressure/uncomfortableness off of the bride - and herself. i know she says that she still wants to be in it, but the women ive seen at 36 weeks or with week old babies are pretty tired and focused on other things.  given her high risk nature, i just dont know if she should add more stress to herself. 
    Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

    I agree, but the OP seemed to say that she <em>did </em>want to still be a bridesmaid and be there for her friend.  I think any reasonable bride would understand if it doesn't work out, but neither will really know until she gets further into her pregnancy.  She should absolutely do what is best for her and the baby, but it is possible to be in a WP that pregnant. 

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  • My matron of honor found out she was pregnant right after we booked our venu and set our date; she stayed in the wedding. Her due date was 5 days before the wedding and her water broke right after she gave her toast.  I would never have asked her to step down but I did offer to have a chair at the ceremony in case she wasn't comfortable standing.  I had already told the bridesmaids they could wear whatever dress they wanted, so we worked together to pick a style that would work for her.
  • Thanks for all the replies!!  There are lots of good points made here.

    Yes, I forgot to mention I would have to travel...I know flying is out of the question, so it would be roughly an 8 hr car ride.  Which is the same amount of time she drove for mine. 

    I think I'm in denial about the reality of being that pregnant lol....She was the best bridesmaid to me and went above and beyond all the others. That I just can't imagine missing out on her wedding :(  But on the flip side, I don't want to over promise and end up a no show due to unpredictable circumstances....*sigh*
  • First of all, congratulations! May your next 35 weeks be uneventful. I'd play it by ear as to whether or not you stay as a bridesmaid.If your friend "drops you" from being a BM, I would seriously reevaluate the friendship. Even if your pregnancy is categorized as high risk, you might not have any complications. Many people, not just high-risk, wait until the 2nd trimester to tell people.
  • I think you can't know how your body will handle pregnancy until you go through pregnancy, and even then no two pregnancies are the same.  There is no right or wrong answer.  Well actually if she kicked you out of being a BM that's about the only wrong answer their could be.  Just take it day by day, keep communication open with her (once you feel comfortable telling people of course). 

    I think the 8 hour car ride may be a huge factor in the decision but even then until you hit your 3rd trimester you might not know how you'd handle it.  I had sciatica, I'd have never gone on a long car ride but other women never have a problem. 

    You're her BM b/c you all are friends, this should be a happy and supportive time going both ways with the end result both of you knowing you're doing what you can to be there for one another. 

    Congratulations and best of luck with everything! 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-a-bridesmaid-and-just-found-out-im-pregnant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:962d2e85-e304-4cff-b30e-06606f945330Post:def3097e-38de-444e-a712-9267251717c6">Re: I'm a bridesmaid and just found out I'm pregnant</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for all the replies!!  There are lots of good points made here. Yes, I forgot to mention I would have to travel...I know flying is out of the question, so it would be roughly an 8 hr car ride.  Which is the same amount of time she drove for mine.  I think I'm in denial about the reality of being that pregnant lol....She was the best bridesmaid to me and went above and beyond all the others. That I just can't imagine missing out on her wedding :(  But on the flip side, I don't want to over promise and end up a no show due to unpredictable circumstances....*sigh*
    Posted by NYCynthia1[/QUOTE]

    Well, I think you will figure it out as time goes on.  Take the time to let the reality of pregnancy set in!  haha  I don't think your friend would be upset about promising and then not making it.  Although I would be heartbroken if my friend doesn't come for mine, I understand that babies trump weddings!!  I still think you should talk to her as soon as you feel comfortable and then you both will come to a resolution. 

    I think an 8 hr drive is doable, but might be a factor in your decision.  If things go well, and you do decide to go to the wedding, BM or just a guest, you should really do a little research into local hospitals beforehand.  4 weeks is pretty early, but stranger things have happened! 

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  • I think you seriously need to be having this conversation with your healthcare provider.  What does she/he think of the travel aspect?  Their opinion matters whole heaps more than ours.

    I would be concerned due to the fact that long car rides are known to trigger labor for women that are towards the end of their pregnancy

    But again, doctors, talk to them, go, shoo. :P
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  • Stacks gives the best advice, frankly. My cousin got pregnant and would have been about 36 weeks when I got married. I had asked her to be a BM, she was all in, and then got pregnant and chose to drop out. She would have had to fly or drive 12 hours. Since flying was out of the question and she felt she wasn't comfortable driving, she made the decision. I told her if she felt up to it she should still come as a guest, but she didn't.

    I think an 8 hour drive might be rough. As Stacks said, you really can't gauge that 'til you're there though. Another difficulty might be finding a dress. If she goes with a traditional BM dress that has to be ordered months in advance, you may have trouble sizing yourself appropriately. And also, yes, I think the high risk thing plays a factor. We have no idea what your risk factors are, but it's certainly something to mention to your doctor and get his/her opinion on regarding the travel and being on your feet at that time in your pregnancy. Sure, walking down an aisle isn't hard, but you are on your feet a lot that day. For some women, that's fine, for some it might be harder.

    I'd personally talk to her and see how she reacts. If she's crazy and dumps you out of the WP, that's rude, but you should share your concerns about the travel and other unknowns, like how you'll be feeling. If she's comfortable with you being on the fence about being in the wedding until a month or so beforehand, then I'd stay in it and see how things play out. If she's a good friend, she'll just want what's best for you.
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  • the weddings ive been in as a bridesmaid have been pretty stressful.  fittings, showers, parties, even the day of is tiring with hair, makeup, photos, etc.

    i guess the reason i answered why i did is OP pitched her initial question more from the view point that she expected the bride may have issues, concerns, etc. and seemed concenred about her friend's day and not letting her down.  those are admirable qualities for sure.   but it think she just needs to give more thought to herself in terms of what she may or may not think she will be able to handle based on what she thinks her situation will be/could be 8 months from now.

    when i said "id personally drop out" that was what i, personally would do, and i listed the reasons why,.  im a planner by nature - i know for me i wouldnt want uncertainties out there nor would i want a bride to have uncertainties even if that bride was a great friend who said she wouldnt care either way.  not knowing OP's quirks/personality i put that out there as that is how i think and how i approach situations.
  • I agree with Meegles. I would just let her know as soon as you are able/comfortable (but the sooner the better!) and keep her updated. Explain all of your feelings to her and how you want to be there and are willing to do what you need to, but give her a heads up that things may change in the next few months. If she's as wonderful as you said, she'll understand!
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  • Once I get my first ultrasound (in 3 weeks) I will have a clearer mind and will probably tell her then.  Crossing my fingers both go smoothly!!
  • If I were in your position once you are announcing your pregnancy, make sure she is one of the first people you talk to. Everyone, including yourself has brought up some vary valid points/concerns. I would talk to your friend and tell her that you really want to be there for her especially since she was such a great bridesmaid for her but that you do have concerns & talk to her about them. I'm betting that together you guys can come up with a solution that will work for both of you. Just keep the lines of communication open with her and I think everything will work out ok. Good luck with everything!!!

  • Have you went dress shopping yet?  Being she is so far away can you just tell her and she keep quiet? You are right about not flying and the car ride would not be allowed either. Being high risk your doctor will limit you to an area way before 36 weeks.  Mine did at 5 months. He said you have two more weeks to go on vacation etc if you want and then your down to 1 hour from home for the rest of the time.  I would tell her you want to step down because you are pregnant.   You can hopefully still go and maybe bring your new baby with you.  They normally wont let new babies fly either so you need to check into that.  I am sure she will be thrilled for you and you can concentrate on your and your babies health. 
  • I think the best thing to do is to step down. The bride will be very happy for you when she learns that despite past difficulty you have concieved and she'll understand. The last thing your gonna want to have to worry about when you are 9 months pregnant is wedding stuff. It will be great if you can make it as a guest but it will be nice for you not to feel pressured that you have to if you do feel up to it. If you are in the wedding you're going to force yourself to attend even if your body is telling you you shouldn't. Do what's best for you and your baby and just enjoy this time.
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  • edited September 2012

    I found out I was pregnant just in time for my bro in law's wedding. Luckily I was only 6 months and the dress was very forgivening, If it had been a month later.. I would have no fit into the dress at all. That being said...
    Perhaps you should step down as a brides maid, but be in charge of something important, like doing a reading or something along those lines. You can still be there for her in a differnt way.
    The main thing I would worry about is the dress and not fitting into that as far along as you'll be. As someone who is 35 week right this moment, I never expected my body to look how it does and I would be so scared to buy a dress and pray it fits me on my freinds weddding day, potentially screwing her over if it doesnt.

    So I don't think its shitty if she asks you to step down, I think you'd be the shitty one for putting her in that situation.

    BTW, Congrats !


    Edit** I just read the part about you having to travel. Oh honey, if your high risk you can not be traveling that far from home that close to your due date. No way. My pregnancy is perfectly fine and im limited to around an hour away just in case. :( What a sucky situation that you may not even be able to go at all!

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-a-bridesmaid-and-just-found-out-im-pregnant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:962d2e85-e304-4cff-b30e-06606f945330Post:414edb9b-8a7e-4b69-8219-b344589a4f9e">Re: I'm a bridesmaid and just found out I'm pregnant</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm a bridesmaid and just found out I'm pregnant : Between this and the "you only have one mother" advice in the thread above, I already dislike you supremely.  Perhaps a board that doesn't give advice based on, you know, proper etiquette would be more your speed?
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    Uhhh... Dislike away. It's what I think is proper. Don't like, don't read it. And how is it proper etiquette to accept to be in someone's wedding that there is a VERY good chance you may not even be able to attend? Please, explain that one...
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  • I was supposed to be a maid of honor in a wedding in 2 weeks and I will be 38 weeks pregnant at that point.

    It came down to the fact that, at 38 weeks, I am not able to travel to Pennsylvania for the wedding. (I live in Georgia). 

    If the wedding was here, I'd have no problems being in the wedding. I feel great at 37 weeks tomorrow.

    Bottom line. You need to listen to your own body and your doctor. You won't have the answer right now and that's okay, Just be honest with your friend.

    Congratulations!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-a-bridesmaid-and-just-found-out-im-pregnant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:962d2e85-e304-4cff-b30e-06606f945330Post:10467027-1925-4769-83de-6a2754d2fd6f">Re: I'm a bridesmaid and just found out I'm pregnant</a>:
    [QUOTE]I found out I was pregnant just in time for my bro in law's wedding. Luckily I was only 6 months and the dress was very forgivening, If it had been a month later.. I would have no fit into the dress at all. That being said... Perhaps you should step down as a brides maid, but be in charge of something important, like doing a reading or something along those lines. You can still be there for her in a differnt way. The main thing I would worry about is the dress and not fitting into that as far along as you'll be. As someone who is 35 week right this moment, I never expected my body to look how it does and I would be so scared to buy a dress and pray it fits me on my freinds weddding day, potentially screwing her over if it doesnt. So I don't think its shitty if she asks you to step down, I think you'd be the shitty one for putting her in that situation. BTW, Congrats ! Edit** I just read the part about you having to travel. <strong>Oh honey, if your high risk you can not be traveling that far from home that close to your due date.</strong> No way. My pregnancy is perfectly fine and im limited to around an hour away just in case. :( What a sucky situation that you may not even be able to go at all!
    Posted by Court7803[/QUOTE]

    Court, we have no idea why she's high risk. If it's an issue of infertility, she may be high risk early in her pregnancy, but NOT be considered high risk by the time 8 months rolls around. I've never been pregnant, but I'm pretty sure all women experience pregnancy differently, so the only people who can truly assess this situation and make decisions are the OP, the bride, and the OP's doctor.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-a-bridesmaid-and-just-found-out-im-pregnant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:962d2e85-e304-4cff-b30e-06606f945330Post:10467027-1925-4769-83de-6a2754d2fd6f">Re: I'm a bridesmaid and just found out I'm pregnant</a>:
    [QUOTE]That being said... Perhaps you should step down as a brides maid, but be in charge of something important, like doing a reading or something along those lines.

     So I don't think its shitty if she asks you to step down, I think you'd be the shitty one for putting her in that situation.
    Posted by Court7803[/QUOTE]

    Neither of these two things make sense.

    1. What is the difference between being a bridesmaid and being a reader?  A dress.  All that pre-wedding party stuff is unnecessary to attend/plan/chip on for.  I don't see what is so stressful about being a bridesmaid that wouldn't be stressful about being a reader or a guest.

    2. Really?  Her friend would the shitty one if she doesn't step down?  My GOD.  I don't understand some of the answers in this thread.  She's pregnant.  She doesn't know if she'll be able to attend.  Whether she does or not has no bearing on the wedding happening.

    If you were my friend, OP, I'd leave the choice up to you.  It seems like you aren't going to be able to be there, but you never do know what might happen.  If you're there, then fabulous.  If you call me the night before and say you can't go, then I'd totally understand.  I can't understand not being flexible in this situation.  Bouquets can be mailed, programs don't have to be perfect, walking orders can be shuffled, but loving your friend is always a given.
  • Court- as a pregnant woman, I'm assuming you don't like to get medical advice from random people right? 

    Only the OP and the doctor can make this decision.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-a-bridesmaid-and-just-found-out-im-pregnant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:962d2e85-e304-4cff-b30e-06606f945330Post:b8da9cca-e8b1-4d1b-977f-f33797ed4910">Re: I'm a bridesmaid and just found out I'm pregnant</a>:
    [QUOTE]I was supposed to be a maid of honor in a wedding in 2 weeks and I will be 38 weeks pregnant at that point. It came down to the fact that, at 38 weeks, I am not able to travel to Pennsylvania for the wedding. (I live in Georgia).  If the wedding was here, I'd have no problems being in the wedding. I feel great at 37 weeks tomorrow. Bottom line. You need to listen to your own body and your doctor. You won't have the answer right now and that's okay, Just be honest with your friend. Congratulations!
    Posted by LetsHikeToday[/QUOTE]

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-a-bridesmaid-and-just-found-out-im-pregnant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:962d2e85-e304-4cff-b30e-06606f945330Post:b8da9cca-e8b1-4d1b-977f-f33797ed4910">Re: I'm a bridesmaid and just found out I'm pregnant</a>:
    [QUOTE]I was supposed to be a maid of honor in a wedding in 2 weeks and I will be 38 weeks pregnant at that point. It came down to the fact that, at 38 weeks, I am not able to travel to Pennsylvania for the wedding. (I live in Georgia).Posted by LetsHikeToday[/QUOTE]

    This, see, this is what im talking about. I wasn't trying to be malicous in my post, perhaps I should word things better .. so you guys can stop jumping down my throat, okay? lets be real here, shes going to be 36 weeks pregnant.. 9 months. There is a very good chance that she wouldn't be able to travel the 8 hours there and 8 hours back to be in the wedding, And personally, me being about as pregnant as she will be, I wouldn't be comfortable traveling that far away.
    That being said, why not give the bride time to possibly replace her in the wedding party if they both so choose.
    Ultimatly, if the bride and her come to the mutal understand that she will try and make and still be in the wedding party, fine. But that is a decision that is going to have to come from them two discussing it.
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  • Congratulations on your pregnancy!  I'm going to agree with some of the PP's, talk to your friend, and let her know your concerns.  Pregnancy is not a debilitating disease, of course there are exceptions, but you'll have to talk to your doctor about any possibly limitations.  You and your friend have a lot to celebrate in the upcoming months, enjoy!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-a-bridesmaid-and-just-found-out-im-pregnant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:962d2e85-e304-4cff-b30e-06606f945330Post:9d00052a-672d-44aa-a6ce-cd27754dd00b">Re: I'm a bridesmaid and just found out I'm pregnant</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm a bridesmaid and just found out I'm pregnant : In Response to Re: I'm a bridesmaid and just found out I'm pregnant : This, see, this is what im talking about. I wasn't trying to be malicous in my post, perhaps I should word things better .. so you guys can stop jumping down my throat, okay? lets be real here, shes going to be 36 weeks pregnant.. 9 months. There is a very good chance that she wouldn't be able to travel the 8 hours there and 8 hours back to be in the wedding, And personally, me being about as pregnant as she will be, I wouldn't be comfortable traveling that far away. That being said, <strong>why not give the bride time to possibly replace her in the wedding party if they both so choose</strong>. Ultimatly, if the bride and her come to the mutal understand that she will try and make and still be in the wedding party, fine. But that is a decision that is going to have to come from them two discussing it.
    Posted by Court7803[/QUOTE]

    You don't replace bridesmaids.  Even if the OP and the bride agree that it would be best if some other friend takes the OP's spot, how is the replacement supposed to feel about being asked as a second choice? 

    OP, I would tell your friend when you are comfortable doing so.  After that, if you want to try to be in the wedding, which is your choice, I would figure out when the latest time you can order the dress is and reevaluate at that point.  Congratulations!

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