Need Help with Bachelor?

orangehills

So... we are supposed to be having a small wedding. We have a small room at a restaurant booked that only holds 60 people, but the goal was to have 50 to keep with the budget. Now my FI is coming at me with wanting to invite more, and so is my mom. We have the option of having a room of 80. So here's the thing- if we decide to just keep it small... is it rude that some of the people not invited want to throw bachelor parties for my FI? They know as of now that they aren't invited, because my FI rudely told them that. But they still want to throw him one. I think that's rude on my FI part, but if they know and still want to do it, that's their preorogative right? Or should we just spend more money and invite them and change the whole idea of the weding? Or would that be rude then to invite them since FI told them they weren't? Ugh! THanks

mabapunta

My first thought is that it'd be pretty rude to let them throw him a bachelor party, but not even be invited to the wedding. Then again, are they close friends? Coworkers? Friends of friends? Do they know the whole idea of why the guest list is small, thus excluding them? Would your wedding day be better with them all there? I don't think it'd be rude to invite them after saying they weren't -- I think they'd really appreciate it, especially if your FI accepts their party offer.

It might be fun to expand the guest list to include these friends and maybe others as well. But how would it affect your budget? Is it a pretty easy transition to the other room - is it booked? Would your decorations etc have to change at all?

Etiquette wise, since you mention that your mom wants to invite more people...who's paying for the wedding? If it's you and your FI, you definitely have veto power with invitations. If family members are chipping in, you might want to be more flexible.

MoonlightSilver

It might not be etiquette, but my understanding is that, in general, guys are less worried about the rules. They also don't have their feelings hurt over the rules of weddings as much as we brides, who know and follow the rules, can. 

If you can afford it, it would be nice of you to invite them. Obviously they feel close enough to your FI that they want to throw him a celebration party. However, if you truly can't afford it, I don't think your FI would be wrong to accept the party if they know they're not invited and still want to throw it for him. 

orangehills

If we moved rooms, it would go over budget and change the whole wedding idea because different rules apply to that room, and it's not a private room either, it's semi-private. So I'm not thrilled about the idea. My mom is paying- and her guests are included. Any extras she was thinking about she's okay if they aren't invited because of the space issue. My FI people- They are work friends of his for the most part- people I haven't met and barely hear about who are all of a sudden "like family." So I'm not feeling too guilty about saying no, because... who are they?? Lol. Anyway- I guess he'll just have to go with the have them throw him a party if they want to! I'm thinking it may just be an excuse for them to get their wives to let them all go drink...  It's just hard because if we move to a bigger room then we don't have that reason anymore to tell people we can't invite everyone because of space- because we'd have space and then would feel the pressure to invite all of these extras who would be offended if they weren't, and then the price would go up, and so on... oye!

mabapunta

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-help-with-bachelor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:962f0a3a-0001-4407-a7ac-7973189fd608Post:9b082e22-dcb3-4652-a761-c36617301fe2">Re: Need Help with Bachelor?</a>:
[QUOTE]If we moved rooms, it would go over budget and change the whole wedding idea because different rules apply to that room, and it's not a private room either, it's semi-private. So I'm not thrilled about the idea. My mom is paying- and her guests are included. Any extras she was thinking about she's okay if they aren't invited because of the space issue. My FI people- They are work friends of his for the most part- people I haven't met and barely hear about who are all of a sudden "like family." So I'm not feeling too guilty about saying no, because... who are they?? Lol. Anyway- I guess he'll just have to go with the have them throw him a party if they want to! I'm thinking it may just be an excuse for them to get their wives to let them all go drink...  It's just hard because if we move to a bigger room then we don't have that reason anymore to tell people we can't invite everyone because of space- because we'd have space and then would feel the pressure to invite all of these extras who would be offended if they weren't, and then the price would go up, and so on... oye!
Posted by orangehills[/QUOTE]

True - agree w PP that guys don't care as much about the etiquette stuff. And if you've never met them, I wouldn't feel so bad either. Sounds like you've got this figured out! :)

Loopyseven

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-help-with-bachelor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:962f0a3a-0001-4407-a7ac-7973189fd608Post:f54eced4-e9bd-43c1-ab6c-a54c5ac59a1c">Re: Need Help with Bachelor?</a>:
[QUOTE]It might not be etiquette, but my understanding is that, in general, guys are less worried about the rules. They also don't have their feelings hurt over the rules of weddings as much as we brides, who know and follow the rules, can.  If you can afford it, it would be nice of you to invite them. Obviously they feel close enough to your FI that they want to throw him a celebration party. However, if you truly can't afford it, I don't think your FI would be wrong to accept the party if they know they're not invited and still want to throw it for him. 
Posted by MoonlightSilver[/QUOTE]

<div>All of this is what I'd say...and I'm lazy tonight so I'm not going to retype it in my own words.</div>