Wedding Etiquette Forum

Roommate drama.

So my roommate and her bf (once her fiancee) broke up on Sunday. It was BAD. So to cheer her up, I offer to take her to my family's Christmas party - where my bf surprised me by proposing! I accepted and am so excited, but it's sooo hard trying to walk this fine line of being excited and starting planning, but I can tell she's still heartbroken! She doesn't want to talk about anything wedding-related, which is hard considering I'm spending so much time with her trying to get over her break up, Any advice?

She even told me to hold back on things and "imagine losing all of this" because when her bf proposed, he got drunk three months later and took her ring back. I was going to ask her to be a bridesmaid but I am not liking walking on eggshells right now.

"So what? So it's not going to be easy. It's gonna be hard.
Really hard. But I wanna do that because I want you
- all of you, you and me, every day. Forever."

Wedding Countdown Ticker

Re: Roommate drama.

  • Thank you! I guess it's just hard for me to be so excited and watch one of my best friends not only go through a rough time, but know she's unable to flip through magazines and watch wedding shows with me, which is kind of what I've always imagined and hoped for the two of us when I got engaged.
    "So what? So it's not going to be easy. It's gonna be hard.
    Really hard. But I wanna do that because I want you
    - all of you, you and me, every day. Forever."

    Wedding Countdown Ticker

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_roommate-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:96663fd0-f53f-4f31-ac66-a81511e90b74Post:51cfdde7-7cb3-4a60-baec-ddccaea47aaf">Re: Roommate drama.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you! I guess it's just hard for me to be so excited and watch one of my best friends not only go through a rough time, but know she's unable to flip through magazines and watch wedding shows with me, which is kind of what I've always imagined and hoped for the two of us when I got engaged.
    Posted by futuremrsgates[/QUOTE]

    Give it a little more time and I'm sure she'll start to feel differently. After the pain goes away I'm sure she'll want to watch wedding shows and look through magazines with you. Just don't talk about it with her right now.
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  • SunriseAmberSunriseAmber member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    IMO, I think she is being really selfish. She should be able to be your friend and still be dealing from her heartbreak. I can't imagine how she is feeling and I'm sorry she is going through that but you should still be able to talk to her about things going on in your life.

    If she can't handle talking about details now then I don't know how she would feel about being a bridesmaid. It's entierly up to you though. Oh, and telling you to prepare yourself because he might take back the ring is really messed up. She shouldn't be bursting your bubble.

    ETA spell check!
  • I would just give it some time. I'm sure after a while she'll be able to handle wedding talk - maybe it won't be exactly what you'd imagined, but still! For now, just don't bring up anything wedding related with her.

    I agree you should wait a little while to pick your wedding party anyway. 

    Congratulations! :)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_roommate-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:96663fd0-f53f-4f31-ac66-a81511e90b74Post:51cfdde7-7cb3-4a60-baec-ddccaea47aaf">Re: Roommate drama.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you! I guess it's just hard for me to be so excited and watch one of my best friends not only go through a rough time, but know she's unable to flip through magazines and watch wedding shows with me, which is kind of what I've always imagined and hoped for the two of us when I got engaged.
    Posted by futuremrsgates[/QUOTE]

    <div>I think you should completely lay off talking about ANYTHING wedding related with her.  Just be her friend.  </div><div>
    </div><div>And watch the wedding shows when she's not around.  Even if she hadn't just had a breakup, she might not be interested in talking about your wedding that much.</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_roommate-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:96663fd0-f53f-4f31-ac66-a81511e90b74Post:f1ef4b66-4e58-4a1f-a294-2fec490da4dd">Re: Roommate drama.</a>:
    [QUOTE]IMO, I think she is being really selfish. She should be able to be your friend and still be dealing from her heartbreak. I can't imagine how she is feeling and I'm sorry she is going through that but you should still be able to talk to her about things going on in your life. If she can't handle talking about details now then I don't know how she would feel about being a bridesmaid. It's entierly up to you though. Oh, and telling you to prepare yourself because he might take back the ring is really messed up. She shouldn't be bursting your bubble. ETA spell check!
    Posted by SunriseAmber[/QUOTE]

    <div>Is this a joke?</div><div>
    </div><div>Her FRIEND is selfish because her fiance called off the wedding and now she doesn't want to chat about floral arrangements?  </div>
  • Thanks everyone! I'm a freelance party planner, so I'm sure my level of planning-obsessed and most people's is way different. I need to put things in perspective. I have decided to wait until after Valentine's Day to talk about things. I do know I'm getting her a pretty huge Valentine's day gift as a thank you for being so tolerant with me thus far!
    "So what? So it's not going to be easy. It's gonna be hard.
    Really hard. But I wanna do that because I want you
    - all of you, you and me, every day. Forever."

    Wedding Countdown Ticker

  • Well, it came off more harsh then what I meant. Sorry about that. I understand that the OP should be sensitive and not talk about all things wedding but she has a wedding to plan and should be able to discuss it once in awhile.

    Probably with other friends until your roommate is ready.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_roommate-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:96663fd0-f53f-4f31-ac66-a81511e90b74Post:f1ef4b66-4e58-4a1f-a294-2fec490da4dd">Re: Roommate drama.</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>IMO, I think she is being really selfish. She should be able to be your friend and still be dealing from her heartbreak</strong>. I can't imagine how she is feeling and I'm sorry she is going through that but you should still be able to talk to her about things going on in your life. If she can't handle talking about details now then I don't know how she would feel about being a bridesmaid. It's entierly up to you though. Oh, and telling you to prepare yourself because he might take back the ring is really messed up. She shouldn't be bursting your bubble. ETA spell check!
    Posted by SunriseAmber[/QUOTE]

    <div>Really? 
    I think it's okay for her friend to not want to watch wedding shows. it's just rubbing it in her face what she doesn't have especially since it wasn't even her choice. Given this all just happened on Sunday-not even 7 days ago. I think the friend is fine. It will probably take a couple of weeks but I'm sure she'll snap out of it. 

    OP-just don't talk wedding with her right now, she will come around but it hasn't even been a whole week. She'll probably need more time to perk back up.</div>
    image
  • edited December 2011
    He called off the wedding in March and they broke up, then got back together in July. She was giving him a second chance. Then broke up again on Sunday cuz he's a POS.

    And it's just hard being told to not talk about something I'm so excited about and have been waiting my whole life for! To me, it's like asking someone to not talk about their pregnancy three days after they took the test LOL

    I shall just sit on my hands til the time is right!
    "So what? So it's not going to be easy. It's gonna be hard.
    Really hard. But I wanna do that because I want you
    - all of you, you and me, every day. Forever."

    Wedding Countdown Ticker

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_roommate-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:96663fd0-f53f-4f31-ac66-a81511e90b74Post:f294522c-3cf6-4227-8aeb-65c18515f92b">Re: Roommate drama.</a>:
    [QUOTE]He called off the wedding in March and they broke up, then got back together in July. She was giving him a second chance. Then broke up again on Sunday cuz he's a POS.
    Posted by futuremrsgates[/QUOTE]

    <div>She may have had hopes that the wedding would happen this time around. I think waiting until after Valentines day is a good idea.</div>
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_roommate-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:96663fd0-f53f-4f31-ac66-a81511e90b74Post:f294522c-3cf6-4227-8aeb-65c18515f92b">Re: Roommate drama.</a>:
    [QUOTE]He called off the wedding in March and they broke up, then got back together in July. She was giving him a second chance. Then broke up again on Sunday cuz he's a POS.<strong> And it's just hard being told to not talk about something I'm so excited about and have been waiting my whole life for!</strong> To me, it's like asking someone to not talk about their pregnancy three days after they took the test LOL I shall just sit on my hands til the time is right!
    Posted by futuremrsgates[/QUOTE]

    <div>You can talk about it. It just is probably a bad idea to try to talk to her about it. 

    However, if she brings it up before Valentines day then I would say you can go ahead and talk about it.</div>
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_roommate-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:96663fd0-f53f-4f31-ac66-a81511e90b74Post:d7c7682c-81b8-4ef2-a488-e7f358310228">Re: Roommate drama.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Roommate drama. : Is this a joke? Her FRIEND is selfish because her fiance called off the wedding and now she doesn't want to chat about floral arrangements?  
    Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]



    I was just about to say I don't see how that's being selfish. If I were in OP's shoes, I'd be super sensitive to my roommate's feelings. I do think that she will come out of it though. Just give it time.

    Congratulations!
    image
  • Congrats! I think it's great that you are being sensitive to your friend's needs, and I totally understand your excitement and desire to talk about it right now. I agree with PPs, talk to others about the wedding right now and just be there for your friend for a while. Waiting until after Valentine's day sounds like a good timeline, and is very caring of you on your friend's part.
    You know your friend better than us, of course, so if you think she would normally be excited for you and wanting to hear your plans/be involved, try not to be too disappointed if she isn't right now. I'm sure she'll get there. Maybe just let her take the lead on wedding talk, and feel her out when she does bring it up.
    Congratulations again and I hope your friend feels better soon.
    Photobucket Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I understand how difficult it is because getting engaged is very exciting!  It must be hard to not talk to your best friend about it.  With time she will come around, and you seem to be on the right track with just being there for her now.  Try to keep wedding magazines out of site, shows off when she is around and avoid talking about it until she is ready. 

    And... Congratulations!!!

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • I think it's great that you are being there for her now. In the meantime, find that friend/family member that LOVES wedding stuff and talk to that person about all the details. (Of course just make sure that this person's invitation is written in stone.)
    I was lucky that my sister-in-law loves wedding stuff. She use to call me and ask me about everything that I was planning, which was so nice since my mother was out of the picture. Merry Christmas!
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