Strange RSVP

AllenBaker

I have been good friends with a girl and her family since they moved to my hometown when we were in the 2nd grade. I invited my friend and her mother, even though I haven't seen the mom in a while. I got their RSVP back today with a note on the back from the mom that said:

"Hi AllenBaker-
     I'm sorry to bother you but I have a favor to ask. (Friend's 15 year old brother) was very excited when we got your invitation in the mail, so we were wondering if he could go to the wedding with (friend) instead of me? If you could call/text me and let me know if this was OK. Thanks! Love, friend's Mom"

I have no problem with her brother coming, we're having other kids/people his age at the wedding and he's such a sweet kid, plus I've known him his whole life. But what do I say? Do you think she is trying to bow out without hurting my feelings? I know I should call and extend the invite for all 3, but I don't want to put her in a bad position.

Any advice would be really helpful! Thank you!

danieliza1127

I think it's entirely up to you and your guest list.  If you have room for all 3, go ahead and extend the invitation.  If she really is just looking for a reason not to come, she'll come up with something else and then you'll know and you can let it go.

Calypso1977

that is very odd.

but i also think its odd that you invited the girl's mom to begin with.  i would have just invited the girl who was my friend. 

AllenBaker

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_strange-rsvp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:96c92d9f-2d01-4dd4-b6b7-2f14211a97d0Post:c6ad6938-8cfc-416a-bc68-5c1a9bc13617">Re: Strange RSVP</a>:
[QUOTE]that is very odd. but i also think its odd that you invited the girl's mom to begin with.  i would have just invited the girl who was my friend. 
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]


Well, we always used to vacation together and lived down the street from each other. We were very close growing up, so I wanted her there. Of course, it's fine with me if she can't come, but I just wanted to extend the invite to her.

lizstill13

If you already extended the invitation for 2 and they're not trying to have more than 2 go, I would let him come. Especially since you say you don't mind him coming. If you have the room you could certainly let her know that all 3 of them are invited. Just be glad that they asked and didn't just assume!

Calypso1977

well i guess if you were friends with the family then why wasnt the brother and the dad invited too (unless tehy were divorced)?    i guess it seems odd that you selected only a few from the family to invite, and not the others...maybe she thought you overlooked the brother?

AllenBaker

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_strange-rsvp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:96c92d9f-2d01-4dd4-b6b7-2f14211a97d0Post:d73c265e-3e88-4bdd-97a5-d75ec8fee325">Re: Strange RSVP</a>:
[QUOTE]well i guess if you were friends with the family then why wasnt the brother and the dad invited too (unless tehy were divorced)?    i guess it seems odd that you selected only a few from the family to invite, and not the others...maybe she thought you overlooked the brother?
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

Hmm yeah that is true. No husbandand Dad lives far away and isn't always the picture... I just assumed he wouldn't want to go since he spends summers with his Dad but now I feel bad about it.

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_strange-rsvp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:96c92d9f-2d01-4dd4-b6b7-2f14211a97d0Post:425431b7-f360-4464-8e62-7873b0adeaa3">Re: Strange RSVP</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Strange RSVP : Hmm yeah that is true. No husbandand Dad lives far away and isn't always the picture... I just assumed he wouldn't want to go since he spends summers with his Dad but now I feel bad about it.
Posted by AllenBaker[/QUOTE]

Well in that case, just say it that way to her.  "I'm so sorry to have left him off the invitation, I thought he would be with his Dad over the summer.  Of course all 3 of you are welcome to come!"  or something like that.

jennylove810

My $0.02 is that a wedding invitation is not an admission ticket that can be transferred over to whoever.

Do what you feel is right, and PPs also gave you reasonable advice, but I think if you had wanted the little brother there, you would have invited him.

And what 15 year old boy gets excited over a wedding?

Calypso1977

yes, i think dani's suggestion is appropriate then.  id go with that.

jennylove, my guess is that perhaps spending time with Op's family brings back positive family memories for him.  if dad isnt around/in picture much, perhaps OPs family played a very important part in his life. 

sjnsjnsjn

At least they informed you first.  I had the woman of one couple I invited email me to tell me that her and her adult daughter (who I'd not invited) had bought their tix to fly out for the wedding, and that the husband wasn't coming... Your guests/friends are extremely polite in comparison!!

mags0607

I would just call and say something along the lines of  "Of course little brother can come to the wedding, I am sorry for leaving him off the invitation earlier, but I would still love if all three of you could attend"

That way, mom can come if she wants, or she can bow out and let her two kids come.

MarriahD22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_strange-rsvp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:96c92d9f-2d01-4dd4-b6b7-2f14211a97d0Post:0c142e1c-cd61-42d7-8565-a2f632eb8580">Re: Strange RSVP</a>:
[QUOTE]My $0.02 is that a wedding invitation is not an admission ticket that can be transferred over to whoever. Do what you feel is right, and PPs also gave you reasonable advice, but I think if you had wanted the little brother there, you would have invited him. <strong>And what 15 year old boy gets excited over a wedding?</strong>
Posted by jennylove810[/QUOTE]

Yeah seriously.... that weirds me out. That happened to me at with a couple at my church and their 14 year old son was upset because he wasn't invited (he complained to my FI's younger brother) but wouldn't a wedding be the last thing they would ever want to do?

MarriahD22

But yeah if you have enough room, I think it would be fine to extend the invite to all three! That would be really gracious of you

weddingbells2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_strange-rsvp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:96c92d9f-2d01-4dd4-b6b7-2f14211a97d0Post:0c142e1c-cd61-42d7-8565-a2f632eb8580">Re: Strange RSVP</a>:
[QUOTE]My $0.02 is that a wedding invitation is not an admission ticket that can be transferred over to whoever. Do what you feel is right, and PPs also gave you reasonable advice, but I think if you had wanted the little brother there, you would have invited him. And what 15 year old boy gets excited over a wedding?
Posted by jennylove810[/QUOTE]

hahah Jennylove, THIS! I agree.  Fiance's cousin was invited with her live-in boyfriend.  They recently broke up, and she made a comment about "finding one of her girlfriends" to come with instead.  I told her that, unfortunately, one of her girlfriends would not be invited as this is a very intimate time in our lives and we really weren't comfortable with people who we don't know, and who don't know us, coming to the wedding. 

I know it sounds harsh, but really, I'm not interested in this 20 year old girls comfort level on my wedding day- just because she didn't want to go stag! Her whole family is attending and can (and will) sit with them without being "alone"- no need for us to pay for another plate- for a total stranger- so she has a dance parter.

THIS, however, is different, because you know the entire family and seemed to have just accidently overlooked the brother.  I agree with PPs on simply saying so to the mother and inviting all three if you can accommodate them.  If you can't, say so.