Wedding Etiquette Forum

Univited Guests

My fiance and I wanted to include the people we work with in our special day but we only wanted to invite them, not their significant others and families. I addressed the invites with just their name. Etiquette that I understand is the people listed on the invite are the only people invited. I received some RSVP that include 2-3 guests for every 1 that I invited. We are on a very tight/small budget and we really can't afford any extras. I want to explain this to them and tell them they have to leave their families at home but I don't want to come off insensitive and rude. How do I talk to them or should I just let it go?  

Re: Univited Guests

  • Well, I see where you're coming from.

    But, if you know someone has a s/o, its polite to invite them with their s/o. You don't have to invite their familes - but you can't break up couples.

    Personally, I'd think pretty hard about accepting an invite if someone who knew I was engaged/married didn't invite my partner.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_univited-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:97c4d28f-9cfe-4b3e-a329-a53b72aa1793Post:50bc520a-d1f0-4bad-8740-20b0fbf29b80">Re: Univited Guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, I see where you're coming from. But, if you know someone has a s/o, its polite to invite them with their s/o. You don't have to invite their familes - but you can't break up couples. <strong>Personally, I'd think pretty hard about accepting an invite if someone who knew I was engaged/married didn't invite my partner.
    </strong>Posted by Amt2109[/QUOTE]

    Agreed.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_univited-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:97c4d28f-9cfe-4b3e-a329-a53b72aa1793Post:50bc520a-d1f0-4bad-8740-20b0fbf29b80">Re: Univited Guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, I see where you're coming from. But, if you know someone has a s/o, its polite to invite them with their s/o. You don't have to invite their familes - but you can't break up couples. Personally, I'd think pretty hard about accepting an invite if someone who knew I was engaged/married didn't invite my partner.
    Posted by Amt2109[/QUOTE]

    <div>Especially if you're only inviting a few of these people and they wind up not knowing anyone else.  I think it's been said on here before that couples are a social unit -- they should be invited together.</div>
    Anniversary

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  • an RSVP that includes their spouse or SO, don't make a call, they were absolutely correct in assuming that person was invited.

    2 0r 3?

    Nope, then you get to tell them no, the invitaion was only for them
  • You cannot break up a couple. If they are dating/married/living together etc, they are invited together. If they included children on the RSVP then yes you can call and say something about the lines that unfortunately you cannot accomodate children but you and guest are still invited.
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  • I'd like to know who #3 was :-/
    Nichole Tampa, FL BabyFetus Ticker
  • It was rude of you to invite them without their significant other/spouse. I have to say, I would also assume that my SO was invited. Kids, etc though are totally your call and you have every right to refuse those extras. You need to extend the invites to the SO's, but you can call and explain that you cannot accomodate the children.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_univited-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:97c4d28f-9cfe-4b3e-a329-a53b72aa1793Post:4956aeef-45a4-4c92-9cae-8e9d6fb332ac">Re: Univited Guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]It was rude of you to invite them without their significant other/spouse. I have to say, I would also assume that my SO was invited. Kids, etc though are totally your call and you have every right to refuse those extras. You need to extend the invites to the SO's, but you can call and explain that you cannot accomodate the children.
    Posted by Brandiewine11[/QUOTE]

    <div>This.  If I were invited to a coworker's wedding, RSVP'd yes for me and my husband, and then told I couldn't bring my husband, I'd rescind my original attendance answer (and probably hold a gnarly grudge against the bride).  As much as it sucks that you hadn't budgeted for these peoples' S.O.s, think of the incremental spend as an investment in your professional relationships so you can ensure there's no bad blood there. :)</div>
  • SO is a must, I sent out emails to make sure I knew SO's name if I had not met them or it was not listed on FB...if they RSVP with a SO it is accepted but children besides the 5-6 in my life and the 3-4 in FI's weekly are not. I am not having a 3 to 1 child adult ratio (child being the most as most of these people have 3+ kids)

    I am even sending an invite to my childhood friends wife, they are on and off and on and off and if they are OFF before the wedding she wont come, she knows I don't like her...but if they are on, she is more than welcome to come (her daughter is the FG) (I don't like her for legit reasons though) LoL

    Make sure you consider the SOs in your count.
    Nichole Tampa, FL BabyFetus Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_univited-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:97c4d28f-9cfe-4b3e-a329-a53b72aa1793Post:41dcaeda-9042-435b-8118-6fac425237ae">Re: Univited Guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'd like to know who #3 was :-/
    Posted by ShakeUpTampa[/QUOTE]

    <div>That's what I was wondering too!</div>
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  • blush64blush64 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited May 2011
    Everyone has given you the right answer. If it was something normally done at your workplace you would be aware of it.

    It can also depend on where you work. In my workplace no one is invited with a guest. (married or not) Everyone who has gotten married has only invited all of the co-workers and it is expected that the boyfirends (husbands) aren't included. Everyone uses it as a girls night out and has a great time. We are almost all girls there and we often go out without the SO. Since this is what everyone has done it will probably be what I do. There are just over 14 people so we always know others there.

    EDITED
  • I wish you'd come to us before sending your invites...don't break up serious relationships.  If I was invited to a wedding without FI I would not attend, and there is no way I would be thrilled if he went to one without me. 
    However, because you addressed the enveolpes to just 1 person, it was their fault for adding people to it, the most you  can do is say "sorry there was a miscommunication but the invite was only for 1, will you still be attending".  Yes it sounds awful, but that's because you only invited one half of a couple.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_univited-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:97c4d28f-9cfe-4b3e-a329-a53b72aa1793Post:b327d418-fd6a-42f3-8800-3b471d17a6a4">Re: Univited Guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]I wish you'd come to us before sending your invites...don't break up serious relationships.  If I was invited to a wedding without FI I would not attend, and there is no way I would be thrilled if he went to one without me. <strong> However, because you addressed the enveolpes to just 1 person, it was their fault for adding people to it, the most you  can do is say "sorry there was a miscommunication but the invite was only for 1, will you still be attending".  Yes it sounds awful, but that's because you only invited one half of a couple.</strong>
    Posted by Allycat11[/QUOTE]


    This.
    image 180 Invited
    image 160 are joining in!!
    image 17 are missing out!!
    image 3 are late to RSVP!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker image
  • We've been experiencing some similar RSVPs. 

    A couple of them are FI's cousins and family friends. I didn't know they were married/in a reltionship, bc FI assumed addressing an invite to one of them meant they were both invited and so didn't bother to tell me about SOs. This was FI's mistake, and I'm irritated with him about it, not with the guests (even though it is rude to RSVP for someone who's not on the invite). 

    Other RSVP additions include the daughter of an aunt (in which case we're just glad she didn't add the rest of the kids, too) and FI's great-aunt who added FIVE extra, uninvited guests to her RSVP. FI, FMIL, FGMIL, and I are all irritated about this last. We cannot fathom what possessed her to add her grown son and his entire family without so much as mentioning it to us ahead of time. But, FMIL thinks she must have added her son's entire family because she needed her son to drive her to the wedding - and if that's the case, I would've have no problem making room for her son if she'd just mentioned that to us (although maybe not his gaggle of children). 

    So I really think how you respond to additional guests might depend on the circumstances for each party. It's definitely a faux pas to add guests to an RSVP without asking, but it's also kind of rude to snub a spouse or SO, like PPs have stated. 
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  • Yeah I didn't really want the SO to be invited because I don't know any of them at all. I have never met any of them and neither has my fiance. The only reason we wanted to invite our coworkers was because we felt obligated. We are only friends with them BECAUSE we work with them, outside of work we don't hang out. And if they didn't want to come without their SO I wouldn't be hurt. I had two people respond with 3 people; one was a coworker with her husband and her older son, the other was a bridesmaid who wanted her boyfriend and her older sister to come. My sister and her sister used to be friends years ago and her sister thinks she should be invited. I have no problem with the boyfriend but I don't think I should have to allow her sister who I haven't spoken to for 6-7 years. Its just frustrating because I thought everyone knew what one name on the envelope meant but apparently not in my town.
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