Breaking up is hard to do

katiewhompus

I'm watching Real Housewives (its my secret addiction) and in the middle of a fight one yells "I want a divorce" at her husband.
At first I thought "how do you just unload that kind of thing with no warning?" but when I thought about it I did the same thing when I ended my last relationship. Granted we had been fighting a lot and he knew I was unhappy, but when I told him to pack his shiit and get out he was in complete shock.

How did you past relationships end?

(p.s. Dh is still asleep and I'm bored and very slightly hungover still)

pandasquishy

First BF turned out to be gay, that ended quietly.  Second BF: I was completely shocked, caught unaware, and then it turned messy, loud and scary.

luckyme502

This was a hard one to answer as I have had a few past relationships.  Some were loud and messy, some were quite cause we both knew it was coming.  I've never really had it be a complete shock though.

beatlesgirl25

I had trouble voting because they all ended differently. The first one ditched me without warning, the next one was a mercy killing (I finally pulled the trigger on the relationship after 3.5 increasingly unhappy years), then there was a messy, drawn out, horrible and emotionally abusive LDR death. But I'm still friends with the second guy (mercy killing), and learned from the rest.

lisarose7

Ex-FI and I were off and on all through HS.  When the engagement ended, I just told him that I wasn't ready to get married (we were 20).  We both agreed that we were growing in different directions and it was best to split up.  We're still friends, FI loves him, and we're inviting him and his wife to the wedding.

Ex-boyfriend (guy I dated after ex-FI) dumped me during.  That's right...during.  As in, "oh....OOOH....I'm so glad we can still be friends."  I spent the next year and a half making his life a living hell by messing around with his friends behind his back (and telling him about it later) and breaking up every relationship he tried to have.  Oddly enough, he and I are now friends and he regrets being an "ass" to me back then (his words, not mine).

aMrsin09

There have been a few that all ended differently, but the stand outs are:

1) The guy I lived with for 5 years and when he came home from a regatta he found that I had moved out.

2) The last one before H ended when I walked into our local bar to meet friends for Sunday Brunch and found him there at 9 AM with another girl who was wearing is fav sweatshirt and B'Ball cap.

janedoe1113a

We had been talking about moving in together and then he decided to come over on Valentine's Day and break up with me.  It was completely out of the blue and I was pissed.

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_breaking-up-hard?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9838eb45-49ad-4852-a36b-09ae4c8d95f9Post:7b3f80d0-7064-4bb8-a135-364dbae80165">Re: Breaking up is hard to do</a>:
[QUOTE]Ex-FI and I were off and on all through HS.  When the engagement ended, I just told him that I wasn't ready to get married (we were 20).  We both agreed that we were growing in different directions and it was best to split up.  We're still friends, FI loves him, and we're inviting him and his wife to the wedding. <strong>Ex-boyfriend (guy I dated after ex-FI) dumped me during.  That's right...during.  As in, "oh....OOOH....I'm so glad we can still be friends."  I spent the next year and a half making his life a living hell by messing around with his friends behind his back (and telling him about it later) and breaking up every relationship he tried to have.  Oddly enough, he and I are now friends and he regrets being an "ass" to me back then (his words, not mine).</strong>
Posted by lisarose7[/QUOTE]

This whole thing sounds crazy. Like, both of you, sorry.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

There was no choice for "He fucked a girl while I was at his house" or "really surprised but should have seen it coming from 100 miles away, like everyone else did."

^ That was the last one. My high school relationship was, well, high school. I still like that guy fine, and basically it just ended up being too hard to continue. My college boyfriend was way too immature and not ready for a relationship, and strung me along for almost two years. When he left after he graduated I was heartbroken but it was REALLY for the best. I've only had a few other relationships here and there, mainly just that fizzeled out, none that ended as badly as the one above.

kmurr010

Only other super serious boyfriend other than FI was a doozy of a break up. We had been together three years and in that three years he cheated on me more times than I can count on two hands, never held a job for more than a month, and was often verbally and physically hurtful to me. I was young and stupid and thought it was love and that I could fix him. Silly me.

After I finally had enough and realized I could do so much better, I ended things with him. He kept me locked in his house for almost 2 hours, throwing my phone anytime I tried to call. He cried and begged and pleaded that he would change. Unfortunately, I had heard that a million times before. I had made up my mind. He finally said that if he couldn't have me, no one would and ran upstairs where his gun was kept. He heard me trying to leave and ran back downstairs. He only let me leave when I told him I just needed some time to think and do my own thing. I drove away and didn't look back. He went to his family's house in Wisconsin for a month and in that time I dropped off all his stuff and his house key. He called me a few times when he came back but finally got the message. It was messy.

lisarose7

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_breaking-up-hard?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9838eb45-49ad-4852-a36b-09ae4c8d95f9Post:16e5a79b-b59a-40ff-8313-6124cef1d83c">Re: Breaking up is hard to do</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Breaking up is hard to do : This whole thing sounds crazy. Like, both of you, sorry.
Posted by beatlesgirl25[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I know.  I should have just walked away and never looked back.  I cringe when I think back to the way I acted over the whole thing.  However, I'm chalking up my behavior to immaturity and mental illness.

jasmineh7777

Holy shiit KM. I'm glad you got out of that situation.

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_breaking-up-hard?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9838eb45-49ad-4852-a36b-09ae4c8d95f9Post:8b34a8a9-9cf5-4ee4-a2aa-75d4bf1cb940">Re: Breaking up is hard to do</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Breaking up is hard to do : Yeah, I know.  I should have just walked away and never looked back.  I cringe when I think back to the way I acted over the whole thing.  However, I'm chalking up my behavior to immaturity and mental illness.
Posted by lisarose7[/QUOTE]

Okay, I apologize for calling you crazy then. And you sound pretty insightful about it now, so good for you for getting closure. Olive branch? <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />

kmurr010

Thanks, me too! The funny thing is while we were together I was never afraid of him. He had some serious issues, but I never feared him. He physically hurt me by trying to "play" with me, but failed to realize that I was a much smaller person than him and I was not interested in wrestling him. Oh the mistakes we make when we're young.

goheels05

The guy I dated all through college, it was sort of like the "mercy killing" beetles described.  I was increasingly unhappy, and I finally broke up with him.  It apparently caught him way off-guard.  He didn't take it well.  We had a family talk plan together in my name (yeah, stupid), and trying to be nice, I didn't immediately cut his line.  So he returned the favor by charging up $150 worth of calls to  Canada.  Then there were 2 years of lame passive-aggressive AIM messages, which was fun for everyone.

The guy I dated before Mr. Heels was sort of similar--he was happy, I wasn't.  I called one night to break up with him (we were long distance and it was going to be several weeks before we could see each other in person), but he was on his way to a party in honor of his promotion, so I said I'd call him back later.  The next day, he changed his FB status to single.    I started seeing Mr. Heels very shortly after that, and ex got jealous and begged me back. 

All my other breakups were fairly mutual and pretty tame.

lisarose7

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_breaking-up-hard?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9838eb45-49ad-4852-a36b-09ae4c8d95f9Post:13d11432-8501-46b5-b8c1-8274975524d2">Re: Breaking up is hard to do</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Breaking up is hard to do : Okay, I apologize for calling you crazy then. And you sound pretty insightful about it now, so good for you for getting closure. Olive branch?
Posted by beatlesgirl25[/QUOTE]

LOL Don't give it a second though.  I wasn't the least bit offended.  I WAS crazy! Olive branch accepted. :)

sarabellam

As divorces go, ours was more amicable than most. Was it a complete and total shock to me when, on Christmas morning before we were supposed to leave for my parents house, my ex said he thought we needed to get a divorce? Oh, yeah. Was it a shock when I found another woman's underwear in my drawer? It shouldn't have been, but it was. Prior to that, the break-ups were pretty mutual.

squirrly

ex-FI:  I told him I needed some time to think, following two months of arguing.  I went out with friends for drinks & to just chill.  He respected that for about 45 minutes, and then showed up at the bar we were at.  Hovered over me, wanted to hold my hand, and drank too much.  Told me it was time for us to leave.  I told him I wasn't going anywhere until I was ready.  He drove home (probably too intoxicated to do so). 

I ended up at Waffle House for breakfast after awhile, and went home after - hoping he'd be asleep.  He wasn't.  We argued, he cried, we broke up at 4 am.  Ended up sleeping in the same bed for a few hours because there was no place else to go.  He moved out, and ended up taking the washer and dryer while I was at work - with my clothes in still in it.  (He gave them back eventually, though.)  He didn't want us to split - he just wanted me to do as he told me.

Most breakups have been uneventful.  Just a very diplomatic conversation.  I had one where the guy refused to see the signs, and cried & told me he loved me when I broke up with him.  It took him about 6 months to move on. 

Also had one where we had split, but were hanging out as friends from time to time.  He had torn up his knee & I went over to hang out, help him with moving some things around, etc.  A girl showed up while I was there, yelled at me & told me how inappropriate it was for me to be there, etc.  Turns out, he'd cheated on me with her (and at least two others) for most of the time he and I had dated.  The only time I've talked to him since that day was on AIM when he sent me an apology, asked me out to dinner, and I told him I was engaged. 

jasmineh7777

Happiness is the best revenge.

tlv204

Most of mine just sort of...drifted away. I didn't have any serious relationships before H, they were mostly just extended shack buddies. We argued, made out, argued made out, then eventually just stopped talking. I guess it helps that most of them lived at least 45 minutes away from me so all I had to do was just stop answering the phone, or they just stopped calling. I don't dislike anyone that I dated before H, but I'm not really friends with them either. We just kind of pretend nothing ever happened.

kimheartsscott

I'm in the teeny tiny minority of the last option.

ggmae

When I broke up with my HS bf, he was totally caught off-guard. We had dated for nearly 2 years and I just sprung it on him. When my college bf broke up with me (twice), I had no idea it was coming.

I saw that episode of RH and man, that argument was awful! I was sad to see at the end that he filed for divorce, but they really didn't seem like a good fit to me. He was too busy being an asshole.

PsyDet 2155

The only other major relationship that I had was someone I met in high school and it lasted four and a half years.  It ended messy and loudly (oh and over the phone).  He was immature and drunk but I never took him back because I knew deep down I deserved better.  Two months later I met my current BF and couldn't be happier.

Blueyed228

Ex from high school slept with my best friend.

First love/college bf married the whore he cheated on me with.  That one was super messy and dragged on for years.

Other short terms ended pretty well.  Some cheated, some were just a bad match.  I was pretty heartbroken still from college bf.

Ex right before FI was a 4 year relationship full of lies, drugs, cheating, and a bitch of a baby mama.  He was shocked and devastated when I ended it.  I found out after that he had bought me a ring and was about to propose.

golden1215

We both knew it was coming and that it was for the best but that didn't stop us from making it loud and messy!  We are good friends now, no hard feelings.