Walk down the aisle?

wilkesanders

I don't come to the posts very often, so I'm sure this is a very common question, but I need some advice on with whom I should walk down the aisle. I aplogize if this ends up being a long post.Here's my situation: My parents are still married. I always pictured having my dad walk me down the aisle, because my dad and I are quite traditional, but my mom doesn't like the idea of the father "giving the bride away" (i.e. one 'man' giving the bride to another 'man', like she's an object). My mom also feels like the mother of the bride is kind of in the background and doesn’t get much recognition and her feelings would be hurt if I chose to have my dad do this over her.   My mom’s original suggestion was to have both my mom and my dad walk me down the aisle. We realized, however, that the aisle is quite narrow and with my big ballgown dress, it might be quite tight with both of them. So I said that I would just walk down the aisle alone and that they can walk together in front of me, so that it doesn’t hurt her feelings (she liked this idea). I consoled myself with the thought that the father/daughter dance would be my special moment with my dad. However, when I told my dad this, he got all upset and almost cried that he wasn’t going to get to walk me down the aisle. He said he’d talk to my mom about it, but he hasn’t, and knowing him, he probably won’t.   What do you think I should do? Walk alone? With my dad? With both (I’m sure this could work even though the aisle is narrow)? Is there something special I could have my mom do so she doesn’t feel like my dad gets the special moments with me?   Thanks for your help!

meriamjuicy

If the officiant asks who gives this bride, your father can say her mother and I do.  Include your mother in your day of prep, hair, make up, dressing.  That's when the mother-daughter moment is.  IMO

danieliza1127

I would reconsider having them both walk you down the aisle.  I'm sure the aisle isn't so narrow that you can't all three fit.  Are you getting married somewhere where you could try it out to see?It seems weird of your mom to be acting this way.  You shouldn't have to walk down the aisle alone just to make her happy.  Maybe you can look up info on how the dad escorting the bride isn't really "giving away" anymore...

msladyface

I would walk down with dad and have mom stand when you get to the end.  The officiant then says "who gives this..." and they both say "we do".  That way mom and dad are both involved and you don't have to squeeze down the aisle with both of them.

Lauriebean

If you really want both walking, or just your dad, you should do that. You mom should respect what you want on your wedding. The MOB places a special role, as everyone is suppose to look at her to stand for the bride's entrance. I have never quite heard of the "giving the bride away" put that way and have never heard someone even think of it that way. I think having your mom and dad walk you down would be past, if you want that. She gets the day with you. I am having my brother walk my mom down in front of my stepdad and I. You have to do what makes you happy.

C W

Ditto msladyface. Explain to your mom that your dad was really upset when you told him you would be walking alone. If she cares about him she will understand. Then suggest having her sit in the front row and stand with him to 'give you away' as a couple.

tenofcups4me

I'd see if the three of you really can walk down the aisle together -- odds are good that you can and then you don't have a problem. If not, I'd be inclined to let your parents work it out between them since it doesn't sound like you feel very strongly one way or the other. FWIW, I get what your mother's saying and think she's right. Why does the father of the bride get spotlighted in so many ways while all the other parents are essentially ignored? (Full disclaimer: I'm coming from a Jewish tradition where all the parents are typically acknowledged -- both parents of the bride and groom accompany their child down the aisle so it always seem really strange to me that only the FOB gets this honor in a Christian wedding.)

emilypeach

this is a tough one since it seems important to both of your parents.  we're having my dad walk me down the isle, and respond to the who gives her question with "her mother and i do" and then mine and FI's mom's will be doing the either the unity candle or sand ceremony etc..  this way mom and dad are both involved.  hope this helps

ifeaneedhelp

I agree with most people- you can explain to your mom that you understand how she feels but that you would prefer to keep with tradition and have your day give you away. or if you are really trying to find a way for her to be included...I've seen it done where the mother and father walk down right before the bride goes down. This would mean though that you would be walking down alone.

charlsie26

 in your post it says, "who gives this woman"...you can replace that by saying, "who Presents this woman".I don't like the idea of them walking in, in front of you.  That's taking away from your special moment.  Have your mom walk in by herself, she can go up and light a unity candle if she wants more "spotlight" on her.  But it's your day, not hers.  Stand your ground, so you don't regret your decision later.

daydreamwanderer

We're most likely not doing the giving away of the bride at all. I hate the tradition (I feel the same way your mom does) but know that my dad loves it. He's a pastor and we talked once about the possibility of him doing my wedding, and he said he couldn't imagine not walking me down the aisle. I haven't broken it to him yet, but will take your experiences to heart when finding a way. But then, I'm also very non traditional. :)I'm thinking I'll have the bridesmaids/groomsmen walk down, then groom's parents (yeah, I told you, non traditional), then my parents, then groom and I (yes, together). I'd like the pastor to ask something like "Who gives their blessing to this union?" and have both sets of parents say "We do" before taking their seats. Don't be afraid to deviate from the traditional! Once people get used to new ideas, if you can explain WHY something is important to you (or to Mom, or groom or whoever) it seems like they're usually receptive, at least in my experience.