Don't want to draw attention to honored guest's absence

ktv312

I won't know whether my grandfather will be attending our ceremony and reception until the day of our wedding.  I want to have a boutonniere ready for him, his name in our ceremony program, and an escort card for him at our reception.  However, if he does not decide to attend I don't want any of this to draw attention to his absence.  How can I acknowledge him if he chooses to attend without highlighting his possible absence?

ggmae

I wouldn't worry about "drawing attention to his absence." I would just go ahead with what you have planned because if he DOES come and you don't have all of those things ready, that 'd be worse IMO.

If he chooses not to come, you can always just take the escort card off of the table and get rid of the bout if it really bothers you. His name would still be in the program, but he is your grandfather after all.

AmoroAgain

Um, well, there's not much you can do about it except either not include his name in all those areas, or realize that people will ask, and someone will have to answer.  *shrug*

crfische

I've never seen grandparents names in the programs, ever.

I'd plan as if he's coming, leave grandparents out of the program. If he comes, great, if he doesn't, he doesn't.

I'll bite. Why wouldn't he come?

ggmae

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-want-draw-attention-honored-guests-absence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9893c325-26d4-4fee-9c4b-1b741a68e697Post:c895144c-ec94-4590-b1ad-81edd9c34673">Re: Don't want to draw attention to honored guest's absence</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I've never seen grandparents names in the programs, ever.</strong> I'd plan as if he's coming, leave grandparents out of the program. If he comes, great, if he doesn't, he doesn't. I'll bite. Why wouldn't he come?
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

We had our grandparents listed in the program, but that was because we gave them bouts/flowers and wanted them to feel special/honored in another way as well.

tlv204

Actually I've always seen grandparent's names in the program, whether they're in attendance or not, so I would just do what you have planned, then ditch the escort card and bout if he doesn't come.

I had the same issue with my grandmother for heath reasons, and although lots of family members were sad she couldnt' come, I don't think anything I did in relation to the wedding really drew attention to that fact.  They would have noticed either way.

anna.oskar

We weren't sure if my dad was going to make our wedding until he arrived right before the ceremony.  We planned for everything with him included but had a backup plan for the processional.  Just in case.

ktv312

Thanks for the advice everyone! I think I'm going to keep his name in the program because you guys are right most people wont notice and those that do would notice even without his name printed.

He may not attend just because that's the way he is *shrugs* My aunt (his daughter) had her wedding less than a mile from his house and didn't know if he was going to show up until the day of.  Mine is 3 hours away and he doesn't have any aisle walking duties...

Anywho, thanks for the advice!

sarah0725

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-want-draw-attention-honored-guests-absence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9893c325-26d4-4fee-9c4b-1b741a68e697Post:038a7f86-8123-4d0f-8ec0-0b8e1e072c96">Re: Don't want to draw attention to honored guest's absence</a>:
[QUOTE]THe may not attend just because that's the way he is *shrugs* My aunt (his daughter) had her wedding less than a mile from his house and didn't know if he was going to show up until the day of.  Mine is 3 hours away and he doesn't have any aisle walking duties... Anywho, thanks for the advice!
Posted by ktv312[/QUOTE]

If this is the case, then I really wouldn't worry about it. Your family members who know him will just be like, "Oh there goes Grandpa being crazy again!" when he doesn't show up, and those who don't know him aren't going to be spending all their time reading the programs and trying to match up names to faces. When I go to a wedding, I tend to pay most of my attention to the people I know.