Wedding Etiquette Forum

Going to strangle FI's friend's wife *VENT*

This is a vent.

FI's best friend was married back in November, and his wife is driving me insane - and I barely have a relationship with her!  For her wedding she: posted her ring (with price!) on FB, posted every detail down to the dress on FB, invited me to her shower and then questioned FI when I declined asking why I couldn't take off work, or at least send a gift, her invitation labels all came printed, and to top it off (the only thing that REALLY got me- everything else was an eyeroll) her thank you's were the same printed labels, with a pre-printed "Thank you for being a part of our special day" message, not even a signature.  FI was best man and spent a lot of time and money on the tux, the bachelor party, the rehearsal (they paid for their own dinners) and the speech.  The least they could have done was write a sincere note. *HUFF*

Now the girl is texting/emailing/facebooking me with unsolicited "wedding advice". Some of it is funny, like when I was sewing little flowers for a garland and she said "you know you can buy handmade stuff on etsy already made!"   Some of it is just obnoxious (if you don't have a priest marry you you may as well not have a wedding).

Again, I have probably hung out with this girl 4 times in the 4 years FI and I have dated, I don't know why she thinks we're pals.  And FI will NOT hear it if I complain to him, so sorry girls, I'm stuck bitching here.

«1

Re: Going to strangle FI's friend's wife *VENT*

  • why does she have your number if you are not friends with her? And why did you friend her on fb?

    May 2012 July Siggy: Favorite Vacation Spot Kaleden, BC
    July Fave Vacation Spot photo IMG_0268-1.jpg

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    My Blog:Through My Eyes

  • How did she get your phone number?
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_going-strangle-fis-friends-wife-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98a7176d-83a5-4df6-ae1f-5002239a7a7bPost:1a0c2aeb-01fa-4d24-87b4-4a39977df25b">Re: Going to strangle FI's friend's wife *VENT*</a>:
    [QUOTE]why does she have your number if you are not friends with her? And why did you friend her on fb?
    Posted by toothpastechica[/QUOTE]

    I was wondering this too. You need to stop talking to her. Stop looking at her texts and FB messages. If she b!tches about it, just say "I've got it under control, thanks for the advice".
  • I'm with everyone else. Why won't your FI listen to you when you need to vent and why are you not deleting her from FB?

    The paying for your own dinner at the rehearsal dinner would have been enough for me to delete her.
    image
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • She's an acquaintance; her husband is my FI's best friend.  FI hoped that we would be friends and have lots of group dates, but it didn't work out that way.  It would start too much drama to delete her off of FB (I already have her statuses blocked), and I assume she got my number from her husband.  I don't want to cause any trouble between FI and his friend, I just want his wife to leave me alone!

    FI gets very defensive when I make a comment, like how rude I thought it was not to hand write a thank you note, and just says "It's very unattractive when you say things like that.  If you don't have anything nice to say..."  I ignore most of her annoying advice, but I admit I still get my hackles up everytime I see her comment/email/text me.  I guess I should be better at letting things pass.
  • I'd send her a pre-printed "Thank you for your suggestion" card with an address label every time she offers her unsolicited help.  
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_going-strangle-fis-friends-wife-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98a7176d-83a5-4df6-ae1f-5002239a7a7bPost:29ec06d7-62f7-434b-a3e2-b965c1647b76">Re: Going to strangle FI's friend's wife *VENT*</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'd send her a pre-printed "Thank you for your suggestion" card with an address label every time she offers her unsolicited help.  
    Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]

    DYING!!!! 

    This makes me feel the need to emulate a proper southern lady, scathing "Bless her heart" remarks and all.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_going-strangle-fis-friends-wife-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:98a7176d-83a5-4df6-ae1f-5002239a7a7bPost:29ec06d7-62f7-434b-a3e2-b965c1647b76">Re: Going to strangle FI's friend's wife *VENT*</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'd send her a pre-printed "Thank you for your suggestion" card with an address label every time she offers her unsolicited help.  
    Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]

    I actually laughed out loud at this, of course trying to explain it to H got no reaction what-so-ever.
  • WWJSD?  (What would Julia Sugarbaker do?)
    Wedding Countdown Ticker White Knot
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_going-strangle-fis-friends-wife-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98a7176d-83a5-4df6-ae1f-5002239a7a7bPost:1466cf91-21c1-4f7f-a6cd-5c34ad10ad07">Re: Going to strangle FI's friend's wife *VENT*</a>:
    [QUOTE]FI gets very defensive when I make a comment, like how rude I thought it was not to hand write a thank you note, and just says "It's very unattractive when you say things like that.  If you don't have anything nice to say..." 
    Posted by NYCFoodieBride[/QUOTE]

    Tell him,"It is very unattractive when you are an ass. Either you deal with her or let me bitch about her. Because if I can't bitch to you...she will get the honest rude truth from me."

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

    image
    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_going-strangle-fis-friends-wife-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:98a7176d-83a5-4df6-ae1f-5002239a7a7bPost:88868d02-e0d7-447a-8c3f-d49eb09984f2">Re: Going to strangle FI's friend's wife *VENT*</a>:
    [QUOTE]WWJSD?  (What would Julia Sugarbaker do?)
    Posted by chrmun[/QUOTE]



    It's impossible not to love you.
  • Am I allowed to state that I don't condone strangling?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_going-strangle-fis-friends-wife-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98a7176d-83a5-4df6-ae1f-5002239a7a7bPost:890a83e4-1281-4153-a72a-974fb8ca3f44">Re: Going to strangle FI's friend's wife *VENT*</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Going to strangle FI's friend's wife *VENT* : Tell him,"It is very unattractive when you are an ass. Either you deal with her or let me bitch about her. Because if I can't bitch to you...she will get the honest rude truth from me."
    Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

    I cracked a smile at that. I really wish I could say that, but it would end in a screaming match.  I don't think he gets what venting is about; he just thinks about defending his friend.
  • You don't have to be friends with someone just because she is your FI's best friend's wife.  If your FI cant respect that, then he's being a douche.  You can be civil to her if your paths happen to cross.  But you shouldn't have to be friends with her, IRL or on FB, if you don't want to be.

    H has a friend who I think is a complete bitch.  For whatever reason, H has chosen to be friends with her.  I told him that's fine, I will be civil if I happen to see her, but I have no intention of hanging out with her.  H respects that.  Not all of our friends have to be mutual. 
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_going-strangle-fis-friends-wife-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:98a7176d-83a5-4df6-ae1f-5002239a7a7bPost:6bd09c42-0964-4bef-9531-82c38048920f">Re: Going to strangle FI's friend's wife *VENT*</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Going to strangle FI's friend's wife *VENT* : I actually laughed out loud at this, of course trying to explain it to H got no reaction what-so-ever.
    Posted by Kate61487[/QUOTE]

    This happens to me too...

    I usually just smile and nodd when people try give me advice that I never asked for in the first place about planning my wedding.
    PhotobucketWedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_going-strangle-fis-friends-wife-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98a7176d-83a5-4df6-ae1f-5002239a7a7bPost:68c15fd1-1b94-438f-b79a-a3a5b7492906">Re: Going to strangle FI's friend's wife *VENT*</a>:
    [QUOTE]Am I allowed to state that I don't condone strangling?
    Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

    What about figurative violence?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_going-strangle-fis-friends-wife-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98a7176d-83a5-4df6-ae1f-5002239a7a7bPost:82de45a0-312c-4d4f-a743-c5272c105e33">Re: Going to strangle FI's friend's wife *VENT*</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Going to strangle FI's friend's wife *VENT* : I cracked a smile at that. I really wish I could say that, but it would end in a screaming match.  I don't think he gets what venting is about; he just thinks about defending his friend.
    Posted by NYCFoodieBride[/QUOTE]

    Everyone's relationship is different...

    In mine we are brutally honest and then laugh it off. We never scream. So while I respect yours, I don't get it. And I can't give any advice. ... Well other then to tell the girl "Thanks for the advice, but I prefer to get my advice from the E board on TK." I'm sure we yelled at her at some point - so she should shut up.

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

    image
    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_going-strangle-fis-friends-wife-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98a7176d-83a5-4df6-ae1f-5002239a7a7bPost:88868d02-e0d7-447a-8c3f-d49eb09984f2">Re: Going to strangle FI's friend's wife *VENT*</a>:
    [QUOTE]WWJSD?  (What would Julia Sugarbaker do?)
    Posted by chrmun[/QUOTE]

    Gah....damn how I've missed you. <3
    image
  • I'm honestly jealous of relationships like yours- it would be nice not to have to censor myself sometimes.  I think our differences in relating to people is why we have no mutual friends.  But we're compatable on all the other big things, so I guess it evens itself out.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_going-strangle-fis-friends-wife-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:98a7176d-83a5-4df6-ae1f-5002239a7a7bPost:82de45a0-312c-4d4f-a743-c5272c105e33">Re: Going to strangle FI's friend's wife *VENT*</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Going to strangle FI's friend's wife *VENT* : I cracked a smile at that. I really wish I could say that, but it would end in a screaming match.  I don't think he gets what venting is about; he just thinks about defending his friend.
    Posted by NYCFoodieBride[/QUOTE]



    But he isn't defending a friend, he's defending his friends wife. Ask him when he will stand up for you?

    That girl sounds so obnoxious.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_going-strangle-fis-friends-wife-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98a7176d-83a5-4df6-ae1f-5002239a7a7bPost:35b372e4-c1d9-49b4-9cb2-9c9847cb6873">Re: Going to strangle FI's friend's wife *VENT*</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Going to strangle FI's friend's wife *VENT* : But he isn't defending a friend, he's defending his friends wife. Ask him when he will stand up for you? That girl sounds so obnoxious.
    Posted by Stackeye210[/QUOTE]

    I agree with all of this.
  • Oh goodness I would hate having to censor myself around H.  He doesn't always care about or get what I'm saying (like earlier when I tried to tell him why I laughed) but he listens.

    I also listen when he's talking about issues with this unit or that unit at work - I might kinda zone out, but I try Sealed
  • He's very very passive, and I think he sees me as being confrontational, when I would say I'm about average and just stick up for myself. But no, he doesn't stand up for me when he should (when an old female friend ran up to him at a concert, jumped on him and wrapped her legs around his waist! - years ago mind you) but that is a whole different issue that we've been working on, and he's been better. 

    I do wish he would side with me on this kind of thing.  I swear all I want is an acknowledgement that I'm justified in complaining.  I'm not even asking him to bring it up with them.

    Also, thank you, I do feel a bitter lighter after being able to vent to someone, and getting that justification.
  • edited January 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_going-strangle-fis-friends-wife-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98a7176d-83a5-4df6-ae1f-5002239a7a7bPost:81f8839b-46eb-40dc-90ed-b791194661ee">Re: Going to strangle FI's friend's wife *VENT*</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm honestly jealous of relationships like yours- it would be nice not to have to censor myself sometimes.  I think our differences in relating to people is why we have no mutual friends.  But we're compatable on all the other big things, so I guess it evens itself out.
    Posted by NYCFoodieBride[/QUOTE]

    I don't even know what censor means! :D

    My mouth and my brain do not have a filter when it comes to my marriage. I'm good about holding my tongue in a lot of situations, but with my H, I will let him know how I'm feeling about everything, ha ha. Not that it always does any good, but ya know. I gotta get it off my chest at least.
    image
  • He needs to defend you. And vice versa. I think it's weird that people are just randomly handing out your phone number. At what point would she even think to call you? What does she hope to gain by calling her husband's friend's fiancé and telling her what she should do?
    image
  • WTH. Your FI sounds like a jerkface.  H doesn't give two shiits about most of the things I biitch about, but you better believe he listens (or appears to listen).  He also knows that I am his WIFE and puts that relationship above his friendships.  Now, I don't ask him to do anything totally irrational, but I despise the wife of one of his best friends.  If I say anything about her, he let's me get to it.  Much faster than trying to stop me. 

    I think you need to seriously re-evaluate your relationship.  It's one thing to be passive, it's entirely another to subvert his (future) marriage for the sake of a friendship.
  • edited January 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_going-strangle-fis-friends-wife-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:98a7176d-83a5-4df6-ae1f-5002239a7a7bPost:e87770e8-fe7f-4096-910e-1b268f06fd6a">Re: Going to strangle FI's friend's wife *VENT*</a>:
    [QUOTE]He's very very passive, and I think he sees me as being confrontational, when I would say I'm about average and just stick up for myself. But no, he doesn't stand up for me when he should <strong>(when an old female friend ran up to him at a concert, jumped on him and wrapped her legs around his waist!</strong> - years ago mind you) but that is a whole different issue that we've been working on, and he's been better.  I do wish he would side with me on this kind of thing.  I swear all I want is an acknowledgement that I'm justified in complaining.  I'm not even asking him to bring it up with them. Also, thank you, I do feel a bitter lighter after being able to vent to someone, and getting that justification.
    Posted by NYCFoodieBride[/QUOTE]


    Oh Hell to the No!

    ETA: Forget the girl giving unwanted wedding advise, shouldn't you want to strangle this chick?
    Wedding date July 7, 2012
  • I would GENTLY let her know that I do not need her help and maybe she will get the point. I can understand why your FI's position. This is is close friend's wife. He probably feels like if he were to get involved that would create tension between him and his friend. 

    The Future Mrs. Douglas Daisypath Wedding tickers LilySlim Weight loss tickers
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_going-strangle-fis-friends-wife-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:98a7176d-83a5-4df6-ae1f-5002239a7a7bPost:e87770e8-fe7f-4096-910e-1b268f06fd6a">Re: Going to strangle FI's friend's wife *VENT*</a>:
    [QUOTE]He's very very passive, and I think he sees me as being confrontational, when I would say I'm about average and just stick up for myself. But no, he doesn't stand up for me when he should (when an old female friend ran up to him at a concert, jumped on him and wrapped her legs around his waist! - years ago mind you) but that is a whole different issue that we've been working on, and he's been better.  I do wish he would side with me on this kind of thing.  I swear all I want is an acknowledgement that I'm justified in complaining.  I'm not even asking him to bring it up with them. Also, thank you, I do feel a bitter lighter after being able to vent to someone, and getting that justification.
    Posted by NYCFoodieBride[/QUOTE]

    This sounds like quite a future you're willingly signing yourself up for.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards