unique RSVP issue- potentially uninvited guests - need advice

cupcakebride82

Hello all, 

I have seen postings about potentially uninvited guests on here before but I just wanted to see how everyone thinks I should proceed.

My wedding is in 3 weeks and the rsvp date was last week.   I have some out of town guests so I reserved a hotel room block for them.  I looked at the block the other day- and did not recognize one of the names reserving 2 rooms. 

Did some digging and figured out the person reserving the rooms is the uninvited adult child of one of the guests.  Only their parents are invited.  (The parents are very extended family my mom insisted on inviting but we made the cut-off there and did not invite their children, grandchildren etc.) I have not received the parents rsvp card yet so I'm not sure what it says.  I am concerned because of the two rooms which makes me think that maybe more than the invited guests plan to attend.

Since I am not sure what the real situation is I am planning to call the parents (invited guests) and say I haven't received their rsvp and go from there.  If they  say that they are bringing their uninvited child and who else knows- what should I say?  Do I bite my tongue and let them bring whoever at this point? I know this might not be an issue because the child could've just made the reservations in their name or maybe child is coming and just sightseeing and not attending the wedding?? My fear is that the uninvited guests just show up to the event and I have not prepared for them.  These guests are people I have never met and this is a potentially awkward conversation but I need to clarify the situation.

CN: Uninvited guest made hotel reservations at hotel room block for 2 rooms.  Have not received their parents (invited guests) rsvp card.  How to proceed?

adamar15

Uninvited or just never invited in the first place?  That makes a difference.

cupcakebride82

@ adamar: I would categorize them as never invited.  What is the difference between uninvited and never invited?

The invitation was specifically to their parents - the envelope said Mr. and Mrs. X.  They were never mentioned (They are the middle-aged child of Mr. and Mrs. X).

Habs2Hart

I would call and say "hello so and so.  I am working on seating for the wedding and I have not yet received your RSVP for the wedding.  I was wondering if you and your wife (or husband) are able to make it?"  Leave it at that and see what they say.  That way, you are making it clear that only the two of them are invited. 

adamar15

Well, if you uninvite people you're an asshole.  Not inviting them in the first place is perfectly fine.  Since you fall into the latter category, just call the parents and ask about their RSVP.  I'm not sure I'd mention seeing the kids name on the hotel room.  That seems a little stalkery to me.

Habs2Hart

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unique-rsvp-issue-potentially-uninvited-guests-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:98dc976e-227e-4982-9d1d-ac7e3c8139baPost:f9d2e73d-c0af-40ba-be04-6149344141b2">Re: unique RSVP issue- potentially uninvited guests - need advice</a>:
[QUOTE]@ adamar: I would categorize them as never invited.  What is the difference between uninvited and never invited? The invitation was specifically to their parents - the envelope said Mr. and Mrs. X.  They were never mentioned (They are the middle-aged child of Mr. and Mrs. X).
Posted by cupcakebride82[/QUOTE]

Uninvited implies that you have previously invited them and then retracted that invitation, which is not the case. 

lyndausvi

I would call the guest inquiring about the RSVP and then go from there.  You said they were extended family.  So maybe they were making a family trip out of weekend, but they had nointention of bringing the people in the other room?

StephBeanWed61502

Since the non-invited adult kids are middle-aged, I'm guessing the invited guests are elderly.  It's possible they decided to make a family trip out of it because the elderly invited guests need a little help when traveling, and the adult kids have no intention of crashing the wedding.  I wouldn't assume the worst unless/until you receive the RSVP.

cupcakebride82

Thanks for your replies.

This was not an "uninvited" situation- I shouldn't have used that wording.  The adult child was never invited so thanks for clarifying that.

Steph and lyndausvi, you are right that the invited guests are elderly so it is definately possible that the adult child is just coming along for the weekend and not coming to the wedding (and that is what I am hoping).  I am just dreading having that potentially awkward conversation.  

Kate61487

I'm with PPs that you should call them up and check for their RSVP.

BUT, while you have every right to turn away their adult child, if it's really a matter of them physically not being able to travel alone and you have the space I'd let the adult child attend.  Depending on how fragile their condition is they might be much more comfortable if their son/daughter was there.  My grandfather, for example, is very unsteady on any kind of uneven ground but is too stubborn to admit he needs help - everyone in the immediate family knows to take an arm whenever a precarious door jam appears, but he'd never ask someone for help, KWIM?

OliveOilsMom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unique-rsvp-issue-potentially-uninvited-guests-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:98dc976e-227e-4982-9d1d-ac7e3c8139baPost:764ae7e9-82c6-4260-8263-703f1265f6de">Re: unique RSVP issue- potentially uninvited guests - need advice</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for your replies. This was not an "uninvited" situation- I shouldn't have used that wording.  The adult child was never invited so thanks for clarifying that. Steph and lyndausvi, you are right that <strong>the invited guests are elderly so it is definately possible that the adult child is just coming along for the weekend and not coming to the wedding (and that is what I am hoping).</strong>  I am just dreading having that potentially awkward conversation.  
Posted by cupcakebride82[/QUOTE]

If its the case where the eldery parents need help traveling to the wedding, I would be inclined to allow their adult child to attend, assuming it would only be one adult child coming with them.  If it were adult child, their spouse, and 5 kids, that's different.  I don't think anyone will get mad that cousin Johnny is attending the wedding because elderly aunt & uncle need help getting around.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unique-rsvp-issue-potentially-uninvited-guests-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98dc976e-227e-4982-9d1d-ac7e3c8139baPost:ba2abfe3-8b68-4a3e-910f-d12afc9d8a53">Re: unique RSVP issue- potentially uninvited guests - need advice</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm with PPs that you should call them up and check for their RSVP. BUT, while you have every right to turn away their adult child, if it's really a matter of them physically not being able to travel alone and you have the space I'd let the adult child attend.  Depending on how fragile their condition is they might be much more comfortable if their son/daughter was there.  My grandfather, for example, is very unsteady on any kind of uneven ground but is too stubborn to admit he needs help - everyone in the immediate family knows to take an arm whenever a precarious door jam appears, but he'd never ask someone for help, KWIM?
Posted by Kate61487[/QUOTE]

<div>I was about to post the same thing.  Other guests will clearly undetstand why the adult child is there.</div>